The Top Five Ways to Identify the Fashion-Challenged

Have you ever run into those people that don't seem to have a clue? You know, those with pants that are either too short or too long, clothed in colors that were in-style five years ago, or wearing dresses or skirts that don't even try for any form of style with hems that sit a few inches from the floor. Have you noticed that with the rise of fashion contests and make-over television shows (which I watch religiously), that there are more and more fashion-challenged people than ever before?

OK, so if you are wondering why I know so much about non-fashion oriented people, I'm happen to speak from experience; they are me. My guilty little secret is that I've never bought a Redbook or Women's Day, let alone Vogue, Elle, or Cosmo. Yet, now with the help of Stacey and Clinton,Tim Gunn, Heidi Klum, and Nina Garcia (is she beautiful or what?), I have just enough fashion sense to know that I have none.

Here are the top five ways that mark someone like me:

1. The highest heels I own are clogs. I am frightened of any shoe that bears the same name as the short, deadly dagger; both are equally threatening to my life.

2. My hair is neither short nor long but in-between so as always to be in style. Clever, eh?

3. My idea of fashion boots are Justin Ropers; I bought my last pair on eBay, broken in for me by someone on a working ranch in Colorado. Justin Boots have been making footwear since 1879, so I figure they have it down by now. Did you know that it takes over 100 steps to make just one pair of boots? No cutting corners on quality there.

4. I do love to shop and actually own off-the-rack designer clothes, though they typically have some fading, pilling or fuzzing, and indelible wrinkling, inevitably made worse by high efficiency washing and drying. That's just the trade-off when redeeming what was once used and neglected, to put it back in use.

5. I sometimes think the What Not to Wear victims look better before they are made over. Should they ever ask me, I'm not so sure I would give up my body, soul, and wardrobe for a makeover, though I would love to see South Pacific on Broadway. Do you think that's part of the deal?

So, if you see me or someone like walking down the street in scuffed, sensible shoes, faded jeans, and a formerly black jacket, don't cross to the other side or look away. "If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that."

Sources:

Photos courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

The quote, "If you prick us...," is from The Merchant of Venice by Shakespeare.