The Top Five Worst Chicago Fashion Trends

While most people go out of their way to look decent on a regular basis, I can't help but notice some of the awful fashion trends I see walking down the streets of Chicago every day. Ladies and gentlemen, listen up. In case your apartment doesn't have a mirror and your friends like you too much to say something, here are some things to keep in mind when you get dressed in the morning.

1. If your feet are bleeding, reconsider your shoes.

Ladies, I know Chicago men love women in heels. I know you don't want to show up at the club or in the office without them. But please, if you do a lot of walking like most of us city folk, wear comfortable, well-fitted shoes. Put the sexy heels in your purse and put them on when you get where you're going.

Wearing heels isn't the real fashion problem. The problem is the aftermath. I'm not sure why, but sporting bloody, blistered feet is one of the worst Chicago fashion trends I've ever seen. When you take the bus on a Sunday morning wearing your flip-flops, or you trade your heels for a pair of strappy sandals, I can clearly see the battle scars of your previous nights' footwear. My feet hurt just looking at yours, and no sexy pedicure can make up for open sores.

2. It is not the 1980s.

Fashion trends tend to go in cycles, and the 1980s have been hot again in Chicago for awhile. Now many people would say the eighties were some of the worst years for fashion, and whether or not you agree is beside the point. You can integrate eighties elements into your everyday style and look trendy without turning into a fluorescent, high-waisted badly-permed quarterback.

The trick to invoking the eighties without morphing into Tiffany or Boy George is to mix contemporary pieces with throwbacks. Bangles and pendant necklaces can be worn with sleek, fitted jackets instead of boxy blazers. Leave the babydoll dresses and shoulder pads in storage, but go ahead and wear those hot pink leg warmers with a neutral colored skirt.

3. Um...I can see your private parts.

White pants are great for showing off your ability to not spill coffee in your lap. Some white pants are not exactly opaque, though, and if you aren't wearing underwear, the rest of us can clearly see your no-no bits. Before jumping on the white pants fashion trend, make sure you try them on in bright light. Like sunlight. If you can see through them, take them back to the store or buy some underwear to go with them. Has it ever been popular to show off your private parts in public? I think not.

4. Frostbite.

It's easy to pick out the ladies on their way to the club, especially in the dead of winter. They are identified by their lack of clothing and patches of frostbite. Hypothermia is never sexy, though, and it's possible to look good without looking halfway to death by hypothermia. If you want to skimp on the clothing, that's a personal choice. But for heaven's sake, wear a coat and go to a club with a coat check.

5. Real people wear fake fur.

Last fall and winter, fur made a big comeback in Chicago. Fur coats aren't just for the rich anymore, but a fashion trend among the bus riding crowd as well. The problem with fur as a fashion trend is should be obvious to anyone with a conscious, but in case no one's told you, fur is cruel. It's hard to make a case for your kind heart and impeccable ethics when you're wearing dead animals on your back.