The Top Signs You Have Fallen Out of Love
Is it a Comfort Zone, or a Lack of Love?
While I am not one to hold pessimistic or bitter views on the subject of love, I do feel it is important for all of us who are in relationships to recognize whether we are in a relationship "comfort zone", or whether we are no longer in love with our partner. While rationalizing and "settling" can serve us well temporarily, long-term happiness only comes when denial is faced head on, and when we realize that it's just not fair to either partner to stay when deep inside we know it isn't right. Allow me to explain further. We have all heard of fairy-tale couples that are in love from the second they lay eyes and fluttering eyelashes upon each other up until the day one of them tragically passes away. Unfortunately, in real life, that feeling of being "in love" often fades after a period of time. No, it's not like your love for that person suddenly vanishes, but that butterflies-in-the-stomach, sweaty-palmed, rapid heartbeat feeling wanes-and the chemicals within your body are greatly involved in this phenomenon. When you first fall in love, your body goes through a variety of changes. "PEA or phenylethylamine is a chemical that speeds up the flow of information between nerve cells. Also, involved in chemistry are dopamine and norepinephrine, chemical cousins of amphetamines. Dopamine makes us feel good and norepinephrine stimulates the production of adrenaline. It makes our heart race! These three chemicals combine to give us infatuation or chemistry. It is why new lovers feel euphoric and energized, and float on air." (E. Crystal, 2006). But, how do you know whether the chemical reactions in your body just settled down or if you have actually fallen out of love?
Although our bodies are made up of intricate processes that help shape who we are and what we feel, there are usually telltale signs that demonstrate a clear difference between a lack of love rather than a relationship "comfort zone." A comfort zone can be described as a state in which we feel comfortable and secure in our love for our partner and conversely, our partner's love for us. We are no longer constantly striving to impress our partner with our wonderful personality assets, and instead, we can act ourselves and know for sure that our partner accepts us. While daily activities can sometimes become mundane, you know that this is normal and that things will eventually become more exciting again, because your partner always understands your feelings and together, you can identify weak spots in the relationship that can be strengthened. A comfort zone is just that, and shouldn't feel awkward, tense, or strained-at least not for any length of time. A comfortable but loving relationship grows with time, and deepens. So, what does not being in love or falling out of love feel like? Here are the top five signs that the amorous feeling has passed-for good.
1. Intuition. Often before you exhibit any of the other behaviors that I will list, there is just an unexplainable nagging feeling inside of you that questions your love for your partner. You may try to rationalize it, saying that it must be that you're "comfortable", but deep inside, you already know that quite a bit of love for your significant other has faded.
2. Loss of respect for your partner. While you were once proud and impressed by your partner's stellar golfing skills and ability to prepare a breathtaking presentation 2 hours before work, you just don't think all of this is that great anymore. You aren't awed, and you no longer actively seek (or even like) your partner's opinions.
3. Not looking forward to your partner coming home from work. Better yet, you also aren't excited by alone time, special trips, or plans. You would much rather spend a night out with the girls or even home alone with a tin of Bon Bons than be anywhere with your significant other.
4. Just not caring. It is said that the opposite of love is indifference rather than hate, and this couldn't be any closer to the truth. When you fall out of love, you reach a stage where you are no longer are interested in or concerned about anything that is going on with your relationship. You don't feel like making the effort to "spice things up" or discuss differences, because you have lost all passion and zeal.
5. Taking an interest in others. Suddenly, you notice that the mail carrier truly is a hottie, as well as that flirtatious co-worker across the building, and that server at your favorite restaurant. While it is natural to notice the attractiveness of others while in a relationship, if this starts occurring rather suddenly along with all or some of the signs listed above, it can be an indicator of a lack of love for your partner. Noticing others does not mean that you will definitely be unfaithful to your significant other, but subconsciously, you are clearly scanning the grounds for another mate.
Published by Dina Hollerbach
Highly opinionated student whose mouth, or words, sometimes get her in trouble. View profile
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38 Comments
Post a CommentWow, I started tearing up after reading this too. I'm going through all of these signs. I've been w/ my boyfriend for over 3 years and just this past September he moved to go back to school which we both knew was gonna happen and I feel so much better without him. Although on the weekends it can be lonely not doing much since we did so much together (going downtown, trying new food, etc) but at the same time I wouldn't mind meeting another man to do that with, I know its inevitable that we will break up eventually I just don't know when or how. The plan is for me to move out there by some time next year and I think the hardest thing for me is breaking up with him because my whole family loves him - I don't want to disappoint them or have them be mad at me about it. He is definitely a great guy, very smart and we do have a lot in common (both not religious, same views in politics, etc) but I'm not attracted to him anymore and never want to do it so I know its only a matter of time.
I seriously just want to cry :'( I read this and to all of them I was like "Yep this is me right now." My boyfriend is head over heels "in love" with me...and in the past few weeks....I've just....fallen out of love...and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to upset him by breaking up with him...but I just...don't know what else to do.
i have been with my partner for 4 years. we met when i was 14 and he was 18. everything went great. we "fell in love" i guess you can say. our fights were horrible. he was bigger than i so when we fought i would pick up things to hit him with. he wuld hit me back, and we just kept getting back together. we was so in love, but i think i have fallen out of love with him because i dont want him around me all tha time, actually i hardly ever want him around me and because i have cheated on him. and im COMPLETELY AGAINST cheating! we have a 16 month old child together also. if someone can help me figure out what to do, you can contact me on facebook. my email is tiff.primo.ourkids.love@hotmail.com thanks....
All of these signs couldn't be closer to the truth. My "roommate" and I have been dating for almost 3 years. Our main problem was that he never put me first. We costantly argue about the same thing every day: "where are you?" and "why dont you spend time with me?" I felt like, how could he possibly say he's in love with me when we are never together? It makes me so frustrated that he begs me to stay with him, and yet doesnt change or try to fix the relationship. He even admits that ALL of the problems in our relationship are his fault.
And guess where he is now? Big surprise. With his friends while Im sitting here hating him.
Lately I have been feeling so different toward him. I dont care about what he does. I dont try to spare his feelings. I would rather be away from him than always around him. I dont cry every day anymore. I just dont care about anything that happens between me and him.
I feel heartbroken about wasting 3 years of my life when
the same thing happend to me and my bf of 2 and a half years..my bf use to be really abusive and during a fight some lady called the cops and my bf got arrested...ever since then i guess i felt guilty and felt like i had to take him back..we c each other everyday but i just dont know how i feel about us anymore its very confusing..i use to love him so much but lately ive been breakin up with him whenevr we have an argument then end up back togetha the nxt day and then sometimes id start hating myself. since then hes changed and hes a wonderful guy, always there for me and is very protective of me (maybe a bit overprotective) i just dont know what to do or how i feel anymre..i dont even know if he really loves me because of how he use to treat me..and vice versa. god help me.
my man was really mean and abusive then went to prison and realized what he had in me and now i think i have fell out of love with him but there was a point i would have a gave anything for the way he is now but i guess its too little too late
I feel all of those signs including resentment and anger. Right after we got married a year and a half ago he got addicted to vicoden and lost our house and pawned almost every thing he owns. And lost his job. While he says he is getting better on a treatment the DR put him on I honestly don't think he is. He pays no attention to the kids or me. I'm not happy when he comes around or really even cares what happens to him anymore. This past week our house got broke in to, he says he was job hunting. But my gut keeps telling me he just staged it all. I have no trust in him or even care what he has to say about anything because either it's so imiture it just sounds rediculas or a lie. Our lease is up at the end of April, I think I'm gonna find a place of my own with the kids. I can't play this game anymore and that list just conferms how I feel.
I dont exactly have all these things, i havent yet began to look at other men. I do know that i love him but am struggling to work out if i'm still in love with him. My boyfriend does little for me and i have to provide for us, so much so he didnt even bother to buy me a birthday present this year. He has never been romantic and it makes me question why i ever fell for him. Anyway 6 months ago due to him wanting to create his own business he moved back to where he was from and although i was orginally worried about having to have a long distance relationship i have settled into it. We agreed from the begining that we would take it in turn to visit each other. However i have had to go see him because he wont come to me for the last few months and stay with his family who behave like i am a beneath them.While he spends all his free time playing with his car and behaving like i'm unreasonable for wanting more from him. It breaks my heart i've tried talking to him but nothing s
I have been with my partner for 7years.We have a 2.5 year old baby.He works and lives away,and I love never seeing him.When he comes back for a visit it causes me stress because he winges about everything. All he thinks about when he comes back is sex.I never want to have sex with him,though I find it easier to give in rather than put up with the winging.Whats wrong with me?In the beginning of the relationship,he did things that I think I kept in my memory.They were very hurtful things..Have I fallen out of love?
I recognize all of those signs in myself, but also in my on-again/off-again boyfriend of the last 7 years. What is sad to me is that there are way more compatible matches out there for both of us, but I think everything we've gone through over the last decade somehow inhibits us from really letting go. Though when I really examine the future, he's not a person I'd want to marry or have kids with and we don't even like each other's families or friends. Great!