The Top Ten Indicators that You're a Hairy Italian

From profusely sweating any time the temperature rises past forty degrees to sporting body hair that makes Robin Williams look pre-pubescent, there are certain genetic traits that all Italian men have in common. This morning, while taking a shower I dropped the soap, but when I looked down, it wasn't on the bottom of the tub; it was entangled in the web that is my belly hair. This got me thinking about all of the experiences that I've had in my life where the good old Caruso family genes shine through. Without further ado, I give you the top ten indicators that you are a hairy Italian.

10. Your barber warns you that his "Shave and a Haircut Special" doesn't cover areas below the neck.

9. All of your birthday presents come from Petco.

8. Your pool filter gets clogged every time you go swimming.

7. Three different people give you nose hair trimmers for Christmas.

6. While visiting the zoo, you are surrounded by caretakers speaking in a soft, soother tone.

5. Kids are constantly asking your wife for permission to pet you.

4. Women compliment your sweater at the beach.

3. While hiking in the northern part of Washington State, you notice an abnormal number of people taking your picture. Later that day, you hear rumblings about a recent Bigfoot sighting.

2. You find yourself complaining about the dog shedding all over the couch...then you realize that you don't have a dog.

Before we go on and let you read the number one indicator that you are a hairy Italian, I feel that it is important to dispel a few myths about Italian body hair.

Myth: Italian men undo the top four buttons on their shirts to allow for their chest hair to poke out.
Truth: The immense pressure that the chest hair of an Italian man places on his shirt very often pops the top four buttons off of the shirt, thus forcing the shirt open and uncovering the chest hair.

Myth: Italian body hair is limited to the male gene.
Truth: My grandma had a beard.

Myth: Some Italian men don't have hairy chests.
Truth: Sylvester Stallone shaves his body.

Now that we've dispelled these falsehoods, you're ready for the number one indictor that you're a hairy Italian, which is:

1. While reading this article, you're laughing your butt off and taking out a hit on me at the same time!!!