The Top Ten Reasons that the Big Lebowski was Right to Hate the Eagles, Man

One of the most memorable lines from 1998's sleeper hit The Big Lebowksi was "I had a rough night and I hate the ....... Eagles, man!"

For what can be argued the most commercially successful American band of all time...and maybe even the most commercially successful band of all time, period, the Eagles provoke equal amounts of strong love and strong hate. Very few shrug and say, "Yeah, the Eagles, they're all right..."

For whatever reason, the Eagles, who are still going strong touring and playing not only their old classics, but their 2007 album, Long Road Out of Eden, have an extremely polarizing effect on people. It seems people either love or hate the Eagles, and while music snobs and critics may detest them in many ways, there's millions of music lovers who put the Eagles on the level of The American Beatles and all time greats.

Even many of their biggest detractors will often admit (I said 'many', not 'all') that Hotel California deserves a comfortable slot as one of the top ten or twenty albums in rock and roll history.

And even their most ardent fans will admit that the Long Run album had probably four songs that never needed to be.

But by and large, the Eagles are the most loved and also the most despised band in the history of rock and roll.

I was thinking about this conflict and actually see both sides of the equation. There ARE reasons to love the Eagles, and reasons to hate them all at once. I have written about all the reasons that the Big Lebowski was wrong to hate the Eagles; click here to read them.

But on the other side of the coin, the Big Lebowski had some decent enough reasons to hate the Eagles. So here are the top ten reasons to hate the Eagles:

Top Ten Reasons to Hate the Eagles:

10. For trying to justify selling their first album in 28 years exclusively at Walmart. Note that I said, "for trying to justify". I have no problem with the Eagles having no choice but to reach the music buying public directly in order to maximize sales. There are no more record stores and a good chunk of the Eagles fan base is not going to download their songs (though that option WAS available, albeit far less publicized). No, what was annoying was the band's attempt to justify it all by saying that this gave them a direct line to Walmart's management and that that fact could somehow impact Walmart's environmental and labor positions. In fairness, Glenn Frey did say in one interview that the decision to work with Walmart was predicated on the fact that this would allow them to sell the most albums. But Don Henley danced around and justified far too much for my taste.

9. Don Felder, Bernie Leadon and Randy Mesiner are all former Eagles. Now, in fairness, I like the Joe Walsh Eagles. In fact, Joe Walsh is my favorite Eagle. But the guys that built the band in the early days are not only gone, but by many accounts not welcomed back, if even for a few shows. Guys, it is rock and roll, not the mafia. Or, maybe...never mind.

8. The faux cowboy bullshit. Thankfully, we're well past this now, but for a time, older fans will remember the Eagles trying to pass themselves off as outsiders, despeardos and renegades. Right. These were the most inside ruthless businessmen out there in the music business. And that's okay, in fact, that can be cool in and of itself, but just tell it like it is and stop with the posing.

7. Life In The Fast Lane. I admit I used to like this song. And I still do in some ways. But I don't want cautionary tales in rock and roll songs unless they are consistent. Come on, fellas, the ripping guitar, driving bass and tempo all serve to glamorize the coke, sex and hedonism that you were all partaking. And that's fine; it's rock and roll. But the way it ends up in the song...with it all falling apart, I mean, what the? Either rock and roll or don't.

6. Special access packages. The Eagles actually charge thousands of dollars to apparently emotionally challenged people to meet them, or a subset of them, before a show to, like, shake hands and eat dinner in the same place and get autographed trinkets and stuff. Guys, you're supposed to act like rock and roll royalty, not a bankrupt former shortstop from the 1970's signing autographs at a strip mall in New Jersey for chrissakes.

5. The completely scripted and non spontaneous concerts. In fairness, the Eagles have always been about professionalism and perfectionism. That IS part of the appeal. But guys, would it hurt you much to play a lost classic in concert? To try SOMETHING new? It's always the same. Every night. Every note. Every joke.

4. Glenn Frey's solo career. I mean, jeezus, Glenn. When The Heat Is On and You Belong to the City are the best things you could put out, why bother? Just become a session musician and write theme songs for cheesy 1980's detective shows and do a soda commercial or something. Uh...well, maybe you did in effect.

3. Four throwaway songs on Hell Freezes Over. I actually sort of liked Learn to Be Still as a decent enough little ditty with Henley's voice saving it from nothingness. But three of the new songs on the album weren't even written by the Eagles, so basically they sort of just sold their name to it the way a former football player might put his name on a restaurant. Yes, they sang them and performed them and everything, but there are a million cover bands who could have done the same thing. And Get Over It was a second or third tier song when compared to the Eagle's catalogue. It's been nearly fifteen years now, but what a joke. The reigning kings of classic rock finally get back together and sing a bunch of mostly unmemorable songs written by other people to announce they are back.

2. The Eagles' Greatest Hits Volume II. This was based on the best songs from two albums, one which was great and the other which was mediocre. I realize that this was probably driven by the record company more than the band, but I think if they had cared enough at this point, they probably could have put a stop to this junk. And I wonder why Try and Love Again wasn't included when the far inferior (and highly irritating) Heartache Tonight was? Hmmmm... Any guesses?

1. For putting a 35 year old cover song as their first single in 28 years. How Long? It was a decent song but even in their depths of dry well Long Run era condition, they never recorded and put out. But after all this time, How Long was the choice? As with the four 'new' songs on Hell Freezes Over, they didn't even write it!

I actually think the Eagles get a bum rap sometimes from critics and on the whole they've been underrated as one of the great bands. But they've definitely done at least ten things to feed the Big Lebowski's ire.