The Top Ten Reasons Steroids Haven't Infiltrated the NBA

While Major League Baseball faces its battle with steroids head-on, and the National Football League's steroid problem has become a thing of the past, one can only wonder why the NBA has not faced such a crisis. After finding no actual facts to answer this question, I developed my own hypothesis of "The Top Ten Reasons Steroids Haven't Infiltrated the NBA."

#10- After embarrassing his team by openly admitting to smoking pot, Josh Howard promised Mark Cuban that he would not add any new illegal drugs to his repertoire.

#9- During the 2001 NBA All-Star Weekend, Karl Malone refused to share a needle with Allen Iverson.

#8- A 1997 campaign led by NBA Commissioner David Stern that outlined the dangers of using anabolic steroids in conjunction with marijuana caused J.R. Rider, Chris Webber, and Latrell Sprewell to seek counseling.

#7- At a 1995 NBA Players Association meeting, a Pillsbury Doughboy look-a-like-, also known as Oliver Miller, complained that no one had told him that he had to go to the gym in order for the weight gain associated with steroids to be a positive thing.

#6- At that same meeting, Dennis Rodman argued that if steroid use became widespread across the league, his fear of needles would put him at an unfair disadvantage.

#5- While his client was playing for the Toronto Raptors, Marcus Camby's agent told the Players Association that his client was "uncomfortable with the prospect of having to transport two illegal drugs across international borders."

#4- In 1994, the governor of New Jersey declared that if steroid use were permitted by the NBA, the Nets would have to, "seek any and all appropriate boxing licenses before allowing the Knicks inside Brendan Byrne Arena."

#3- Random market tests showed that the Michael Jordan Signature Syringe was not as popular as initially thought.

#2- After watching a steroid-free Shaq break two hoops in one season, David Stern announced that players would have to devote 3% of their salaries towards a "New Backboard Fund" should the league condone the use of anabolic steroids.

#1- Larry Bird could not find a dealer who believed that he wasn't a NARC.