The Top Three Places to Have Sex in College

Fumbling around in a twin bed jacked up high enough to throw a desk full of empty energy drinks, some textbooks, a lamp, and a laptop under it. Maybe a head bumping the ceiling or head board every now and again before shirking those jeans and hoodies that pass for a comforter to jump down for a bathroom break or shower. Yeah, sex in a dorm room can be an ordeal. There are several ways to make the experience easier, more comfortable, more convenient, more enjoyable, which include but are not limited to: dragging that comforter off the bed and throwing it down on the floor for some camp style smoreing, using the desk, doing missionary style only, moving out of the dorms, and joining the celibacy campus crusade.

However, that's not what this article is about. This article is for the risk-taking uninhibited exhibitionists; for those of you who generally are the first to bring up the question "So where is the craziest place you've ever had sex?" Without further adieu, The Top Three Places to Have Sex in College That May Make Admissions Seriously Question Letting You into Their School.

• The Campus Library
  • Yes yes, it is a rather cliché place for us to start this journey. We've seen it in over nine-thousand flicks that in any way involve a college campus. Ever met anyone who's actually done it?
  • Where: If either of you happen to be loud screamers/moaners/groaners/grunters/criers, you are going to want to find somewhere in the library that is less frequented obviously, try basement levels and not frequently researched areas. When in doubt go to the back left. That is really how arbitrary it is, where you do it. Just remember, if there aren't books around it doesn't count (I would have said The Campus Library Bathrooms if thats what this section was about). If the library has some of those little glassed in study rooms (with blinds) see if you can score one of them and jam the door.
  • Halt!: This is a situation where you might want to plan ahead and assume you're clothes are going to stay mostly on. Girls need skirts and dudes need zippers (no button crotches...what the hell were you thinking anyway if you even own those). If you need to make a dash You want to be able to pack it up pretty quick. Hell even snagging one of those hoodies might be a good idea if a quick getaway is necessary.

• An Empty Classroom
  • This is often an overlooked choice simply because the room is by default, empty. However, this is one of the more risky places you can attempt some risky raunch.
  • Where: Two schools of thought here. If the general idea gets you into the mood, go to a familiar classroom where you know it will be empty. If the risk gets you off, find a building you're not familiar with. Pick a floor and room randomly. Burst into the rooms randomly during times when classes are in session until you find your little florescent lit secret garden. Up the ante by choosing a time close to when classes will be changing. Up the kink by pretending it's an interrogation room.
  • Halt!: Despite it seeming less risky, it is a good idea to cover up any door windows. You don't want to have some random asshole wander by and start cheering you on. Tape and paper (for the windows) should be in your kit. You get no points for doing this after hours. You get more points for skipping class to do this.

• A Dorm Shared Shower Room
  • Yes, we are back in the dorm. If getting caught gets you off though, I can think of few better places.
  • Where: This works best when you are on an actual full dorm floor's main shower area. Now these are becoming fewer and far between, so you may have to search a bit to find one. There are several reasons why I like this choice though. It requires little to no planning. There is less of a chance you'll get caught by someone with the power to do anything serious about it. You can live out the (overrated) shower fantasy while having some good ol semi-public sex. Extra points for shower shagging on/in a single sex floor/dorm. I would recommend a late night on a weekday to reduce the chances that any drunken antics will ruin your fun.
  • Halt!: Bring some towels, nothing says "I have much more mettle than ye fearful gits!" than walking out soaked and toweled arm and arm with your toweled partner in crime. Probably bring a change of clothes unless you passionately plan on undressing outside the shower. Also, try not to slip.