The Torture of Being Single: The Meetings Your Friends Love to Set Up

"I have the perfect guy for you. Seriously, you two just have to meet." More fearsome words were never uttered by your best girlfriend, the one with the jerk-off boyfriend who suddenly thinks that being in a relationship is oh-so-great.

When you're single, it becomes the mission of every single one of your in-a-relationship friends to "hook you up" - whether you want to be hooked up, or not. Not only are they determined to see you happily ensconced inside a couple, but for some reason they seem to completely forget who you are during their pursuit of your perfect mate. You cease to become you and suddenly, you're salable goods. Your attributes (and usually they're traits you never knew you possessed) are paraded in front of their single friends of the opposite sex.

"She's single and she has a great personality. She's always on time, has a great sense of humor, and keeps her apartment very clean." It's almost as bad as being in a job interview. Since when did your dysfunctional, formerly single friends become relationship gurus? They start dating someone for two months and suddenly, they're love experts.

We've all been there. When you're in a relationship, all your friends are single. When you're single, all your friends are in relationships. You're always the odd man out, and it's their purpose in life to make sure your own relationship status stays the same as theirs. Instead of trying to help you either enjoy your single life or find a guy that you might actually consider dating, they bring forth a parade of sub-human trolls (all friends with their own, practically sub-human boyfriend) for you to consider.

When you reject these less-than-fit potential mates on the grounds that you have a decent level of intelligence and attractiveness, your friends turn on you and want to know what the hell is wrong with you. Because doesn't being single also mean being totally desperate for any sort of date at all? Once your friends get involved in a relationship, they suddenly seem to forget what being single is all about.

And, naturally, they can't figure out why you haven't hopped on board the Relation Ship with them. You're single, they're not, therefore you are incomplete.

...That is how it works, right?

When you want to maintain friendships, you end up being forced to endure all sorts of single meetings. There's the fake dinner party set up, where you accept an invitation to dinner only to discover that everyone at the dinner party is in a couple - except you, of course, and that totally inappropriate guy wearing too much hair gel and cleaning his nails with the flatware. He's to be your potential partner. Then there's the "oh what a surprise" fix up, when you go out for a night on the town with your friend and her boyfriend only to "accidentally" bump into one of his single friends. Just like that, and you're on a double date with no preparation whatsoever. Other fix up attempts are more blatant and obvious, and always posed to you with a "well, it's not like you have anything better to do" attitude.

Because when you're single, you don't have a life...right?

But there's a reason you're friends with this person in the first place, and eventually the Universe will right itself once more. Pretty soon, you'll both jump the Relation Ship and go back to being single girls. Then, you can both troll for men together - the way you were meant to.