The Traffic Blues

New Jersey is the state of mediocrity, but one thing the Garden State excels at is traffic. With nearly 9 million people squeezed into 7,417 sq. feet, it is hard to avoid the rage-inducing, roadway justle. Luckily, New Jersey, unlike Texas and Florida, does not allow its citizens to carry firearms for protection. If such a law existed roadway fatalities would shoot up tenfold; partially as a result of people taking their own lives due to traffic moving only a foot an hour. And those impatient souls who give up on making it to their exit, would in turn create stagnant chaos.

Thankfully, firearms are not allowed to be carried in public and there are methods to help ease the tension of traffic. The most common mistake made as a result of traffic blues is constant lane changing. While this might increase a person's chances of reaching their destination quicker, it only scrubs about a minute of time since traffic works like a prison; before a door can open another must close. The same goes for lane movement: one lane will always being moving faster than another, however, it alternates from lane to lane. What the constant lane changer tries to do is get to whatever lane is moving. Nevertheless, they often find themselves being passed by familiar cars. The constant lane changer creates the illusion of movement, but really all they do is increase their restlessness, bringing about a sour mood.

The best tactic is to pick a lane and stick with it. Middle lanes are often a good choice because they make it easier to get to an exit lane if the traffic appears infinite. However, it is not wise to ride the outside lane because of merging traffic from on ramps and centers of commerce. After picking a lane it is time to kick back and relax. There is no point getting worked up over clustered roads, and poor attitude only gets poorer. Not only is a bad mood cancerous, but it hinders mental processing. When in traffic it is vital to remain mentally sharp as a means to sort through any alternative routes that may be available. There is nothing better than the feeling that comes with finding a way to sneak around traffic. Before pouncing on an alternate route try to find out what is causing the hold up. If there is no way to do so, taking an alternative option can be a gamble since some traffic is the result of brain dead motorists stopping to watch somebody change a tire in the shoulder.

Aggressive driving is believed to the best approach to defeating traffic, but that is only a belief held by careless twats who often create traffic by side swiping a distracted soccer mom. However, it is always good to make calculated moves that do not carry the possibility of clipping a car in the process; offensive driving, not aggressive. Nevertheless, the most effective method for coping with the traffic blues is simply to keep a positive attitude, good music and constant conversation with the ego are the best approach for remaining chipper when those goddamn idiots refuse to move-face it, no matter how happy a person is in traffic everyone becomes an idiot. In a sense, the knowledge of being the smartest person on the road is a sure way to bring about high spirits.