The Travelling Talking Vaginas

Someone was knocking at the door. "It must be the girls." thought Rita, "They're a little late. Thank God I won't have to listen to them hounding me for being late all the time." "Come on in. I just need to get my hat."

"Unlock the screen door and I will." Allison snips. She is dressed in her "lucky" fishing outfit (denim over-all shorts, her "I Won the Jackpot at Cocopah" t-shirt, and the sunflower hat worn by all the ladies of the club.

"What's your problem?" Rita asks as she opens the door.

"I'm sick of us never being able to get going on time. We are always waiting for you. You're never ready. Why don't you get up earlier?"

Rita, taken aback counters, "I just had a heart attack. Jeez-Louise, I can't run around like a mad woman like you. And besides, you guys are late today."

"Oh, crap, Rita, you had that heart attack over a month ago. How long are you going to milk that? Get up, you ain't hurt. And for your information, the reason we were late today is because we already prepared our snacks and lunch, bought the bait, went to K-Mart and bought a wagon, AND stopped and had coffee because we knew you wouldn't be ready." Allison, obviously aggravated, continues, "You know, the sun does not rise and set in your rear end."

Rita, knowing that arguing with Allison is a losing battle, leads the way out of the house, and now a little aggravated herself retorts, "Yea, whatever. Close the door and make sure it's locked."

In the car, Rita joins the other girls, Julie and Pamela, "Hey, another day in Paradise." Julie and Pam gigle trying to lighten the mood.

"Don't mind Al today, she's a little testy since she found out that she has to work Saturday. Pam has always been the consummate peace maker. "You know how pissed off she gets when she thinks that everyone in the country is sleeping and she has to go to work."

"Let's go." orders Allison as she hops into the front seat. "Julie, since you're the only one who knows where this special fishing hole is, get going."

The "Travelling Talking Vaginas" are the four women, Rita, Julie, Pam, and Allison, all 55+ years old who decided that they were not going to just wait around to die. This came about after Rita's heart attack. She was in a coma for 12 days and on life support for 9 days. She was at death's door and by the grace of God, actually came out of it. Under the influence of a variety of drugs, Rita decided that she, her best friend, Allison, her sister-in-law, Pam, and her cousin, Julie, should not waste anymore time, and should start enjoying themselves. Since everyone except Rita worked, it was hard to make plans, but they tried to spend at least one morning, afternoon, or evening, or if they were really lucky, the whole day, per week together doing something fun together, even if it was only going to a restaurant, or a coffee shop. They were quite aware that their partying days of drinking, staying up all night, going to outdoor concerts, and going to events that attract a lot of people are over. But that didn't mean that they couldn't go fishing, or have a picnic at one of the parks, or visit a local winery.

Allison came up with the name; "Travelling" because the ladies would go places, instead of sitting at home, "Talking" because that's what they do best, sharing ideas and memories, and discussing current events, and "Vaginas" women only.

"Ok, girls, we're almost there. Everyone close their eyes. I don't want anyone to know where our secret fishing hole is." Julie insists. "My husband would kill me if he knew I brought you guys here."

"Oh please, Julie, we won't remember how to get there, and who are we going to tell, each other?" complained Allison.

"I'm going to pull over until you all close your eyes, or I'm turning around and going home."

"Ok, ok. We'll all close our eyes, just keep going." promises Pam.

They pull onto a gravel road that leads to an old berth, the remnants of a boat dock from many years back.

"Is it safe?" asks Rita apprehensively.

"Of course" Julie reassures her. "Get the wagon."

After loading the bait, the folding chairs, and a cooler on the wagon, the women proceed to the dock and choose their spots. Before taking their seats, Rita,who had become more religious since her brush with death, leads them in prayer. "Dear Lord, thank you for all of the perch and walleye that swim in Lake Erie. Just as you filled the nets of Peter, please fill our nets as well. We don't need as many fish as you gave Peter, but please bless us today. We ask in the name of Jesus. Amen." "Ok, girls, ante up and let's start drowning minnows!"

Every week, each woman ante ups $10.00 and they bet on chance occurances, like who gets served their meal first, who loses their train of thought first, or on this day, who catches the first fish and who catches the most fish. Instead of exchanging the money, they deposit the money into a joint savings account and use the money if anyone has an emergency.

"What's Gary doing today?" Alison inquired about Rita's husband.

"Where else? Golfing. He had to buy a new nine-iron today because he flung his into the water hazard. You know how irrational he gets when he's frustrated. He hit the ball into the water, and from what I heard from the other guys he golfs with, he threw his nine-iron into the water and said something like 'there you go, a match made in heaven'. What a dolt! I wish he would just quit golfing. It would save us a lot of money, and he gets so worked up that I'm afraid he's going to have a heart attack. What about your other half?

Just then, Pam begins yelling, "I got one! I got one! Get the net! Get the net! Oh, yeah, this is a good one. She reels in a nice 8 inch perch. Gleaming, she puts the fish on ice in the cooler and helps herself to a handful of cherries. "All of that work made me hungry!"

Within minutes, Julie starts reeling in her line with a perch attached to the hook, then Rita, then Pam again, then Allison, then Julie again. "The fish are so eager to get caught that they might as well just jump into the cooler." Julie quipped.

All afternoon, the women's bounty kept booming. "It's going on three o'clock. We're going to have to leave soon." Allison reminds them. "I hate to leave but we need to get back home to fix dinner."

The other women reluctantly agree and load the cooler and chairs onto the wagon. Rita insists that they offer a prayer of thanks, "Lord, thank you for the good food that you provide for us. Thank you for smiling on us today, In Jesus' name. Amen"

Julie asks, "Are we going to clean these fish?"

"Heck, no!" Allison replies. "We'll just drop them off at the bait shop. They clean fish there as well. It would take us forever and you guys know how much I hate chopping off their heads and scooping out their guts. It's disgusting."

Rita agrees, "I have a very hard time eating anything that I have to mess around with too much. Catching them is fun, eating them is great, but it's the middle part that grosses me out."

After spending the day in the sun and catching so many fish, the women are burned out.

"This was a glorious day." Rita uttered tiredly. "Good fishing, good fun, good friends. I love you all."

"Oh, great," Allison remarked, "She's getting all sappy on us again."

"Shut up." Rita responds.

Julie drops the women off at their homes, and, when finally alone, she reflects on the day's events. A smile comes across her face and a feeling of joy fills her heart. "Yea," she thinks, " I love you guys, too."

So now, each of the Travelling Talking Vaginas are home where they resume their lives as "the old lady". But once a week, the monotany is broken and they feel alive. Bless their hearts.