The Trojan Horse--An Ancient Product Review

About a couple of thousand years ago, me and my Greek buddies tried to conquer Troy. We had a hell of a time. We wanted the whole experience to go quickly because the whole feud was based on a frivolous love triangle involving some chick named Helen.

We spent about 10 years camped out on the beach facing the impenetrable walls of the classic city. Then one of my buds ( I think it was Odysseus) came up with an idea.

It was around midnight and we all had the munchies. I was making a list of goodies we needed when Odysseus said, "Hey, WTF! While you're at Cosco, pick up a Trojan horse, will ya!"

I said, "Dude! That's a great idea! We could use it to sneak into Troy, then we could sack and burn the city!" "Well actually," he said, "I just wanted a hobby horse. My parents never bought me one when I was a kid, but I suppose we could hide inside it, pretend that we left Troy, then the Troy suckers will take the horse into the city."

Product Information:

The Trojan horse is made of wood hewn from Greek ships of our fallen comrades. It is approximately 50 cubits high and 100 cubits long. It is definitely one big-ass horse!

It comes with your choice of rollers or built-on wheels. The horse wears a bronze bridal with leather reins. According to the sales rep at Cosco, this horse comes with an outstanding warranty: "Troy you will sack--or your money back!"

I shopped around and read a lot of other reviewers' opinions, and quite frankly I could not find a better deal. There is some assembly required. Cosco only sells a box filled with supplies, but everything you need is in the box--except for batteries, of course. Those you have to purchase separately.

How Much Does It Cost?

Well, we had to give up a few ships and we lost Achilles (his heel was used for the leather reins). However, other stores wanted more human sacrifices. All in all, Costco really gave us a good deal on this Trojan horse.

My Experience

The employees at Costco were courteous and even showed us how to assemble the horse once we got it back to our camp. Assembly, though, was a pain in the horse's rear! The pegs provided were brittle due to our sea voyage.

So we returned to Costco to take advantage of the warranty: "Troy you will sack or your money back!" I am happy to report they did honor it--they provided us with fresh pegs.

Once we got the humongous horse assembled, me and my Greek buds climbed inside and quietly waited. The stupid Trojans thought we had split leaving the horse as a parting gift. Can you believe that?! S-U-C-K-E-R-S!

They pulled the horse inside the city; we jumped out. You should have seen the looks on their faces! LOL! Too bad we didn't have camera phones back then. LOL!

Anyway, we killed as many of those Trojan pigs as we could. We set the city ablaze and toasted marshmallows. We had a blast!

Final Thoughts

Overall I am really happy with my Trojan horse purchase. Without it, me and my Greek buddies would not have conquered Troy. Because of the bad assembly pegs, I cannot in good conscience rate this product five stars. So it shall be written that this product is rated four stars.

I apologize for my tardiness in writing this review, but I was stuck at sea for awhile with Odysseus. I told him to hire a navigator, but he is such a cheapskate. Plus he pissed off Poseidon pretty good--but that's another story.