The True Meaning of Love

If you've been to a wedding ceremony lately you've probably heard the classic love verses from the scriptures¹. We all dream of a love that is patient and kind. We want to be around people who aren't envious, boastful or proud. We seek out relationships with people who aren't rude or self-seeking. We want to be around those who are not easily angered or who don't keep record of wrong doing. We especially look for people who don't delight in evil as well as those who rejoice with the truth. We dream of finding a love that protects us; one that we can trust. We want love that is hopeful, long-suffering and eternal. This view of love seems lofty. Love like this can be difficult to attain and certainly challenging to sustain.

It is estimated that over 2 million weddings happen each year and couples average 28 thousand dollars on each one². With this kind of volume and outlay, you would think that marriage was for keeps. And yet, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce."³

Could it be that all these unfortunate couples don't understand what love really is? Many people want a relationship and have unrealistic expectations about what it's like to commit fully to another person.

Love isn't the sole domain of romantic couples. Love is shared among family members. We love our friends and to some extent, we love other people outside of our inner circle. We are called to love God with all our hearts and to love our neighbors as ourselves⁴. So the big question is how can we have agape love (love for God), storge love (family affection), eros love (physical or romantic), and phileo love (friendship) if we don't really understand the nature of love? This lack of understanding can cause all types of break down in relationships. Let's take a look at some aspect of true love:

Patience

Have you ever been a passenger in car with someone who was inpatient? No doubt they cut in and out of traffic and yelled obscenities to other travelers. It's possible that this person took unnecessary chances and made you feel uncomfortable if not unsafe. Or have you ever been on an extremely long line at the bank that was serviced by only one teller? It is easy to get frustrated when we have to wait for something or someone. How many times have you seen someone lose their cool while waiting on line? We face the challenge of how to conduct ourselves when things don't go our way. The way we treat people when we're under pressure tells a lot about who we are. If you're in a rush to get to an appointment, don't blame the other drivers on the road. Instead, try a little prior planning - give yourself a little extra time to get where you're going. People like being around individuals who are even tempered, good natured, pleasant and patient. We are naturally attracted to people who don't sweat the small stuff or get their feathers ruffled over the little things. Are you that person?

Kindness

If I asked you to think of the kindest person you know, who would that be? There are some individuals in our lives who are the most warm and generous. These people have the gift of giving and they don't just give stuff, they give of themselves. They give so effortlessly that sometimes we take them for granted. They give warm smiles; the give of their talents, time and treasures. Even when they set boundaries, refusing unrealistic requests, they do so with kindness and grace. These people know how to win friends and influence people because they know it's easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar. In relationships, these are the people who are thoughtful and generous. They go out of their way to make sure that others are okay. They give up their seat to someone who needs it more. They have a kind word in difficult situations. They generally make others feel good. Are you that person?

Envy-free

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who was extremely jealous? If so, I'm sure you'll agree that it didn't feel much like love. Have you ever been around someone who is envious of what other people have? It wasn't a pretty picture, was it? Jealousy and envy feels oppressive and restrictive. Whether someone is in a romantic relationship, friendship or family relationship, jealousy is like a cancer that seeps in and does erosive damage. Once it's allowed in it takes root and grows. In the end you're left with a shell of a relationship that no longer feels loving. People who love lack envy and people who are envious don't know the true meaning of love. Envy-free individuals are confident in who they are and what they have. If they don't have all they desire, they understand that it is not the right time. People who love don't worry about what others have and are satisfied with what they have. Are you that person?

Modesty

Have you ever been around a person who thinks too much of themselves? Or maybe you've been to a networking party and you sat through someone droning on and on about themselves and what they do for a living? How long did it take before you gracefully made your exit? People who boast about who they are, what they have and where they've been aren't typically well received. It is generally a better practice to let someone else sing your praises. People who love and care about other people are more interested in finding out what is going on with the person they are with than in bragging about their achievements. They are modest. People who love are more externally focused than internally focused. Are you that person?

Humility

Have you ever spent time with an arrogant person? If you have, this person most likely felt that the world revolved around them. These people suck all the air out of the room and leave very little oxygen for anyone else. It is one thing to have pride in your abilities or your achievements, but when pride gets to the point that it drowns out everyone else; then there is a problem. People who love are humble and they use their skills, experiences and successes to help others. Are you that person?

Politeness

There is nothing worse than a rude person in a service industry? Wouldn't you agree? Have you ever been to the grocery store and encountered someone who was having a bad day? Have you ever had someone snap at you for asking a simple question? Have you ever been cut off on the highway or had someone steal your parking spot? People who love are kind, mannerly, nice, polite, and respectful. Are you that person?

Seeks win-win

Have you ever gotten into a business deal or partnership with someone who had only their best interest at heart? Have you ever purchased something from someone who only wanted to make a sale? How did that make you feel? People who are out for self never think about win-win solutions. They are not interested in the greater good. These people show up in the form of predatory lenders, disreputable sales peoples, corrupt politicians and dead-beat parents (to name a few). People who love are constantly looking for ways to live their purpose in a way that they add value and do good things for mankind. Are you that person?

Even Tempered

Do you know people who get upset at the slightest little thing? These people seem to always have some drama going on in their lives. They always some major have problem going on in their lives. Someone is always doing something to offend them. Everything seems to get on their nerves. People who love forgive infractions. They understand that there isn't a perfect person in existence and that all of us are prone to mistakes. People who love turn the other cheek and don't add fuel to the fire of an argument. They understand that life is too short to let the sun set on their anger. Are you that person?

Keeps no record of wrongs

Do you know anyone who practices tit-for-tat? They keep score to see who is ahead and who owes them. They are particularly interested in magnifying other people's mistakes. They are focused on proving that they are right and everyone else is wrong. People who love understand that there are differences in opinions and different ways of doing things. They understand that there way is not always the only right path. They understand that people make mistakes and are quick to forgive. They own up to their own mistakes and are quick to say sorry when they've inflicted harm on someone else. Are you that person?

Delights in good

If you are generally a good person and you surround yourself with good people, then it's easy to forget that there are people in this world that are truly evil. There are those who plot to kill innocent people through genocide or ethnic cleansing. There are those who discriminate because of race, creed or religious affiliations. There are those who destroy the earth for personal financial gain or purposely harm defenseless animals. There are those who are involved in human trafficking. Individuals who love, fight to stamp out evil in the world. Whether they are fighting for the cure to cancer or looking for an answer to world hunger, and they give of themselves in an unselfish way. People who love look for ways to make a difference in their families and communities - to do some thing good for someone else. Are you that person?

Rejoices with the truth

I remember a friend of mine saying of her mate, "he tells lies when the truth sounds better." Do you know anyone who is a pathological liar? These people will say whatever it takes to get what they want. They'll tell you what you want to hear so that they can get their way. They don't have problems telling a little white lie or a big fat one. I grew up hearing the adage: "if you lie, you'll cheat; if you cheat, you'll steal; if you steal, you'll kill." It was the elder's way of reminding that a little lie can escalate into a major issue because you'll go to extremes to cover your tracks. People who love don't try to deceive other people. They avoid compromising situations; particularly those that will bring harm, hurt or devastation to those they love. People who love are truth seekers. They know the difference between being blunt and being honest and they are up front in all their relationships. Are you that person?

Protects

Have you ever been in a situation where you didn't feel safe? Maybe you had parents who didn't put your needs first or you had a mate or friend that turned their back on you. Whatever the circumstance, when you don't feel protected there is a certain amount of vulnerability. Taken to its furthest extreme, the absence of protection, from people who we depend on, leads to a feeling of extreme independence and a sense that we don't need other people. This is unfortunate because everyone needs someone and everyone needs to know that they are needed by someone else. People who love provide protection for those they love and the feel protected by those who love them. They feel safe and they encourage others to feel safe. They are reliable in their primary relationships with their children, their siblings and their parents. They are a good friend who protects their friend's confidences and they are exemplary employees who honor their company's proprietary information. They are people who are willing to get involved and protect strangers, and animals. They are willing to take a risk to make sure other people's rights are protected. Are you that person?

Trusts

Have you been in a relationship where you trusted someone and they let you down? If the answer is yes, then it's possible that it is difficult, if not impossible, for you to trust anyone else. At the very least you have learned your lesson and you are more cautious. Worse case, you've become a cynical person expecting the world to always give you lemons. A person who loves understands that one bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch. They understand that each disappointment is an opportunity to learn from their mistakes. They grow in the area of discernment and are willing to give others opportunities to gain their trust. A person who loves has an open heart and trusts other people to be open as well. Are you that person?

Hopes

Have you met someone who has given up hope? Would you agree that they are not much fun to be around? People who have given up hope are desperate. They can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. They typically try to get everyone else to buy into their negativity and misery. These people see themselves as realists and berate others who hang on to hope. They mock leaders who champion hope and look for ways to undermine positivity. A person who loves understands that things don't always work out the way that one desires but they are ever hopeful that a change is coming. People who love encourage others to look at the brighter side and to hang on until something positive happens. People who love know that hope means that you have another day for a chance at a better outcome. Are you that person?

Perseveres

Do you have any friends who give up when the going gets tough? You know the type, they talk a good game but when things get difficult, they just can't handle it. They are quick to tell you how life has beaten them down and how tired they are. They can't seem to raise their head up off the pillow or glance away from the television long enough to go after their goals. People who love, have challenges just like anyone else, however, they hang in there. They are long-suffering and are willing to stick it out when things get hard. They stick to their commitments. They stay in difficult relationships. They work through problematic situations. They go the extra mile. They do everything to keep their word. Are you that person?

Never fails

Have you every heard someone talk negatively about someone they used to love? It happens all the time. They were madly in love with that person, that job, that opportunity and then something went wrong. Now they don't have a civil word to say. The fact is when it's true love, it never ends. The relationship may change but the love endures. People who truly love, never stop. They understand that life is full of transitions, but love keeps on and on and on. They understand that time and distance has little effect on true love. They understand that love isn't given and then taken away. They know that real love lasts forever. Are you that person?

Love is really a circle that goes around and around. It is infinite - it goes on and on. As you give love, it comes back to you. As I mentioned, we are called to love God with our whole hearts and to love our neighbors as ourselves. As we understand the true meaning of love, we realize that if we love God first and really love ourselves we will have a unique perspective that allows us to love others as well. Sometimes we make connections where the love is mutual and other times we love those who don't love us back. However, if we understand the true nature of love and are filled up with it, we will always attract love. And when we make a connection where the love is mutual then it can be truly exquisite. A person who truly loves will always receive love. Are you that person?

1. 1 Corinthians 1-13
2. The Wedding Report www.TheWeddingReport.com
3. Divorce Rate www.DivorceRate.org
4. Mark 12:30-31