The Trusting Teen

Trust can be a wonderful thing. It's the center of any real relationship, but it must be earned. Are you too trusting?

True trust can stand the test of temptation. True trust can withstand peer pressure. True trust lasts!

Unfortunately, however, many people do not merit your trust. All too often, a friend's behavior, or even his or her character, demonstrates his or her unworthiness to honor your trust.

Are you careful about whom you trust?

Do you trust everyone, or just a select few people? What must someone do to deserve your trust?

People you trust must be trustworthy. That means they are worthy of your trust. You must be able to depend on them. Their loyalty to you must be predictable and consistent.

Trust is like a lifeline, made of many strands. If a single strand is torn, the line may not hold. Each time trust is broken, another strand is torn.

Imagine you have fallen off a boat, in the middle of the sea. Someone you think you can trust tosses you a lifeline. Your life depends on the strength of that rope! Is the line frayed by broken promises, betrayals, and let-downs? Will the line hold, when you need it the most?

Real friendships are supposed to be like that lifeline. Friends are supposed to be dependable, loyal and trustworthy. Are your friends like that?

Do you always expect the best from other people? Do people seem to let you down all the time? Maybe you trust them too much. Possibly, you simply trust the wrong people!

For teens, trust issues may appear in several forms. Which of these sound familiar to you?

Do you share secrets too easily?

How many people know your deepest personal secrets? Has a friend ever spilled your secrets to other people without your permission? If this happens often, you probably need to be more careful about sharing your private information. Choose your confidantes carefully, if you want your classified information to stay that way!

How many secrets have other people shared with you? Often, untrustworthy people try to pump others for private details, but they refuse to share their own. On the other hand, trustworthy people are more likely to share their own secrets as well. After all, friendship is a two-way street, right?

Do you share your savings without condition?

How many people owe you money? Do people constantly ask you for loans? As they plead with you, do they promise to pay you back? Do they fail to do so? If you continually lend funds to folks who don't repay you, then you are probably too trusting! Real banks refuse to forgive unpaid debts, and they cut off the pipeline for people who prove to be bad risks. Why should you do otherwise?

Do you share your stuff with anyone who asks?

Have any of your friends borrowed your clothing, jewelry, or other possessions without returning them? Are you reluctant to ask for your items? If you continue to let people take advantage of you and your belongings, you may be growing a bit gullible. Why not ask these folks when they plan to give you back your stuff? If needed, call in reinforcements. Ask them in front of other people!

Do you share schoolwork without question?

How many times has a classmate asked to see your homework, just to double-check his or her own answers? Studying together, doing cooperative research and sharing the workload are usually fine. Carrying the entire load for another student is not. In fact, it probably violates school policies, and it smacks of plagiarism!

Have you ever been accused of cheating on a school assignment, simply because you let someone else view your work? Did you ever think this other student may be copying your answers?

Do you share your skills and sweat with everyone?

Do you ever feel like you are doing a lot more for your friends than they are doing for themselves? If they are depending on your for extra effort all the time, maybe you trust them too much!

Do people ask you constantly for favors? If you own a car, have you become the taxi driver for your group of friends? Are other kids chipping in for gas? If not, they are taking advantage of you.

If you have a job, do your coworkers constantly ask you to cover their shifts, punch their timecards when they're late, provide alibis for their absences, or lie to hide their mistakes? If you agree, you certainly trust the wrong people.

Have people promised to do things for you, but they have not followed through? Do you still believe them?

Do you share sex outside of commitment?

Sex can create enormous trust issues, particularly for young people. (By the way, that's a huge argument for abstinence till marriage.) Physical intimacy is the ultimate personal expression of vulnerability.

Once that line has been crossed, trust takes on new dimensions. If your partner violates your trust (by sleeping with someone else, lying to you, or blabbing to everyone about what did or did not happen between you), it can be almost impossible to restore your broken confidence in him or her.

Can you imagine how hard it might be to place your faith in someone who has failed to be faithful to you?

Trust is difficult to rebuild.

It is far easier to withhold trust up front, granting it only after someone has proven himself, than to give it freely and lose it. Broken trust is nearly impossible to rebuild. Once a person has violated your trust, it is unlikely (though not impossible) for him to regain it.

Reassurances are not enough. Trust is earned by action. Trust is earned by one person's commitment to the well-being of another person.

You can be a trusting person, as long as you choose trustworthy people! Can you be smart and strategic, as you choose the people you will trust?