The Truth About Aging

I was one of those young people that secretly laughed at the older generation when they spoke of their aches and pains. Little did I know then that the laughter would someday come back to haunt me.

Over 50 years of age now, I find myself in the same frightening situation! And believe me, I am sorry now that I laughed. For all of you young people that find humor when you hear us moaning and groaning, I must warn you that your day is coming, and it's closer than you think! My advice to you is to enjoy your pain free days, your good vision and hearing, and your resistance to gravity while you can.

Getting out of bed takes a lot longer than it did before. My back is aching before I even sit up and when I stand, my knees are so stiff that they won't bend. It takes about five minutes of groaning and stretching to alleviate the stiffness, and even then it doesn't all go away. For example, my knees, which I swear are 75 years old, remain stiff for much longer and cause pain all the way through my daily activity. If I could, I'd sell my house and buy one that had no steps - anywhere!

In addition, tasks that were carried out with no thought in my younger days have now become monumental. I can barely even open jars now because of the arthritis in my hands! And those little twist caps on sodas? Forget it.

As if the pain and stiffness weren't enough, gravity has become my enemy now as well. Everything has fallen, and trust me, it ain't pretty. My rear end is about six inches below where it used to be, not to mention what has happened to my chest. I'm not sure, but I think my ears might even be falling. I was already petite, but I'm getting shorter by the day. I'm actually afraid I might disappear.

My skin is looser now and has wrinkles that weren't there before. It's like it's too big for me all of a sudden, but it's clearly not because I've lost weight. Losing weight after 40 is almost impossible. My doctor told me that this is because at 40, your metabolism slows down considerably. He was so sweet to share that with me. Exercise is a major production with all the aches and pains. Bending over to tie my walking shoes is fairly complicated, and by the time I get that done, I don't have the energy to go for a walk.

All the hormonal changes are loads of fun, too. Waking up sweating in the middle of the night, freezing one minute and smothering the next, and having such a generally "sunny" disposition is just wonderful. Until a couple of years ago, I had never had the desire to punch anyone in the nose. I now know what that feels like. I must not forget to mention here that along with the hormonal changes comes a new beauty challenge - facial hair. Yes, that's right, I now have whiskers on my chin. As far as quality of life goes, I just don't think it gets any better than that.

I guess that God, in all His wisdom, didn't think that all this was enough because he also gave me the challenge of declining vision. I've always worn glasses for distance, but now I can't see anything closer than 18 inches from my face! So it's either fun with bifocals or take my distance glasses off to read, eat, use the computer, or pretty much anything else I do. It might not seem like a problem to take my glasses off, but it definitely can be. I take them off to read something, put them down, and an hour later I can't remember where I put them. Oh yes, I forgot to mention the memory problems!

I can almost see myself in ten years. I'll be walking like Frankenstein, with a straight back and stiff knees with a scowl on my face because I couldn't open my soda for my daily caffeine. I'll be walking into walls because I can't see, and I'll probably frighten children with my loose skin and wrinkles. I simply can't wait!

Bette Davis, a wonderful actress from Hollywood's Golden Era said, "Old age isn't for sissies." I agree wholeheartedly.