The Truth About Introversion

Introverts the world over have long been misunderstood. They're accused of being shy or withdrawn, antisocial, even loners. Whenever someone asserts their introversion without displaying all of these traits, their status is challenged. "You can't be introverted," society seems to say, "because you're not a total social pariah." This just goes to show how wrong the common consensus can be.

In truth, introversion and extroversion have absolutely nothing at all to do with how outgoing or withdrawn someone might be. Introverts can be warm and inviting and even outgoing, and extroverts can be stand-offish and even reclusive from time to time. Your social orientation really has more to do with what gives you energy-- being around other people in potentially non-routine ways (extroversion) or being by yourself (introversion).

Plenty of introverts are actually quite popular, as being able to listen to another person is often a rather attractive trait in a friend. Many of them interact with their friends frequently, going out to movies and shows and sitting in coffeehouses and talking for hours. Wait a minute, you're thinking. Introverts don't like to do things like that. They prefer to sit at home alone with a book and perhaps a cat, avoiding humankind. You're not completely wrong, but again, it's not really a matter of preference. It's simply a matter of what recharges your batteries.

Let's take a look at your typical battery levels throughout the week. If you have a particularly henious day at work or school, or get into a fight with your partner, barely survive a car crash, or have to deal with a pair of melodramatic friends while they bicker over whether or not one of them is introverted, then chances are, your batteries are going to be a bit drained. You'll slow down a little bit, fail to be at the top of your game, perhaps even start to lapse in your concentration. The question is this: at the end of the day, when you're worn down, do you want to go out for a drink with your friends or watch a movie at home by yourself?

If you said that you'd prefer to go out with friends, congratulations: you're an extrovert. Non-routine social interaction probably invigorates you. You can go out with a group of people to mingle in a larger group of people, and this thought most likely doesn't make you cringe a little bit. You probably like the idea of not knowing what could happen as you dive into your social interactions. To the introvert, however, you could start to look a bit like an alcoholic, what with all the going out for drinks with your friends all the time. Most introverts probably wouldn't understand the appeal of being in a crowded place with countless strangers; it's not that all introverts are socially anxious, but rather that they just wouldn't understand why you would want to surround yourself with more people when you're already feeling drained.

The introverts in the crowd, you see, opted to stay at home and watch a movie (or other activity) by themselves. They're taking some much-needed time off from other people to recharge so that they can tackle the world again the next day. Introverts who fail to get this time to themselves (which they typically need to have every day) can become cranky, sullen and withdrawn, just as extroverts are apt to become when they haven't had a chance to socialize and recharge their own batteries. This doesn't mean that they're antisocial or uninterested in the company of their friends and family; to the contrary, they're often interested enough in others that they want to be at the top of their game, ready to listen and enjoy the company of those around them. This requires alone time for the introverts.

Introverts value human interaction just as much as extroverts (or even their middle-of-the-road compatriots the ambiverts, who can recharge from either solo or group activities). They just need their time alone, and they often prefer one-on-one interactions, as opposed to those occuring in big groups. It is important to the introvert that each person in their social network get the time and energy and attention that he or she deserves, and to the introverted mind, the only way to ensure that everyone's needs are sufficiently met is to attend to them in one-on-one meetings. Introverts are easy to spot at parties-- they're the ones behind the bar, talking to each person individually as they come up. They're the ones sitting to the side, talking to one person and, when something comes up and pulls that person away, finding another person to talk to individually. Introverts are generally not socially inept; they in fact understand the rules of social engagement better than most. Your average introvert also knows, however, that in order to last the entire evening, solo interactions are key to not feeling overwhelmed.

The next time your introverted friend (or family member, spouse, or child) turns down an invitation to go out with a big group, understand that this is not because they're not interested in spending time with you. Try instead to set some time aside just for them-- they're more than interested in what you have to say; they just want to have the energy to hear you say it.