The Truth About Working Moms

I enjoy working. I've been working since I was in college to support for my studies. I give my best at work. I excelled, I was recognized, I got awards. It was like that, until the kids came. As much as I excel at work, I want to excel as a mom. But truth is, you really cannot have all the best things in life.

The Feeling of Fulfillment. Whenever I am recognized at work, I feel fulfilled. Coping with the challenges at work increased my self-esteem. I felt useful in the society. Bringing money at home made me appreciate my self-worth. It was a nice feeling knowing that I am able to share with my husband the burdens on the finances, not to mention the extra money I can spend for my personal use. Being paid at work made me appreciate the many years and labours of my education. I got to meet a lot of people and won some friends. Working enhanced the social, intellectual and financial aspect of my life.

But despite all these glorious emotions, there are other ugly feelings I, as a working mom experienced.

The Feeling of Guilt. Every time I leave the children at home, I feel sad that I can't stay with them for the rest of the day. I don't want to look back to see my child crying on the door steps as I leave. In the office, I often wonder if they are being taken cared of when I'm not around. I was blessed to have my mother-in-law at home to look after my children. But the idea of who is really raising my kids get me.

I feel guilty that I was in a meeting when my eldest daughter takes her first step. When I received my mother-in-law's text message, I can't help but cry because I wasn't there. When my baby said her very first word, it was her granny who beamed with pride, my husband and I, the audience, as she told the story when we came home at night. What hurts the most are the times when my daughter feels pain, she calls for her lola (grandma), instead of me.

What did I do when I feel guilty? I prayed about it and asked God to strengthen me in my weakness. I think about the reasons why I am working. Instead of dwelling on what I cannot do for my kids, I focus on the things I CAN do for them.

The Feeling of Inadequacy. I often ask myself, "am I a good mom, am I doing enough?" I am envious of those moms who don't need to work and just be home for their kids. I wondered if I am a better mom if I stay at home. There are times when I feel like I don't really know my kids. I caouldn't understand what they want when they throw tantrums. I often missed their doctor's appointments, field trips, friends' birthday parties. When my eldest had her field trip last year, I was already on a part-time job. My heart cried to see a fellow mom crying as she waved goodbye to her daughter (my daughter's classmate) who was boarding the bus with her nanny.

Being a working mom is a tough job. You have many responsibilities on your shoulders, as well as expectations from people around you. You are a wife, a mother, a homemaker and a career-woman rolled into one. You come home from a hard day's work, attend to your kids, check if the chores are done, and before you could rest on bed, there's your husband who also have some needs to attend to.

But a lot of women still prefer to use their God-given potentials and abilities at work, rather than to stay at home. Maybe because some have no choice (unlike me) given their financial needs or stability. Many families nowadays need two incomes to provide a better home, feed the children, support their education. Or maybe some have really strong passion for work.

What made me stay at home? This very thought occupied my mind for a long time. When my children are all grown up and they look back in their childhood, what would they talk about me? Would it be the recognitions I received from work? Would it be the many awards (tropies, certificates) I bring them home? Or would it be the fun we had on their field trips? Or how I cared for them when they were sick?

But who's lifestyle is tougher anyway? The working mom or the stay-at-home? Working a full time job is as equally tiring as keeping up with the active children the whole day. For someone who experienced both, I realized that both types deserve respect - for their strength to carry on their responsibilities. Also, both deserve applause and a thumb's up - for their passion and love for their families.