The Twelve Steps of Face Book

We admitted we were powerless over The facebook-that our lives had become unmanageable because we spend too much time changing our status, updating our profile pictures, and chatting with people we never talked to in high school.

We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves, i.e. The facebook, could restore us to sanity by reconnecting us with the people we had lost or never even had touch with and allowing us to 'network' with the entire world from the comfort of our couch.

We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of The facebook as we understood it to be the place where everyone posted every minute detail of every second of every day of their life so that we could get to know them better and feel connected.

We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves; culling our friends list to only those we chatted with on a regular basis and who didn't waste their time on fantasy roll playing apps where you dress your icon but on thought provoking mind training games like bejeweled, Farmville, and Café world.

We admitted to The facebook, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our applications and 'Likes' list by posting a completely revealing note on our profile.

We were entirely ready to have The facebook remove all the defects of our previously anti-social life by hooking us up through its group feature.

We humbly asked The FaceBook to remove all apps and games that may upload viruses to our computer rendering us helpless and preventing us from fully connecting with our new found BFF's.

We made a list of all persons we had harmed through drunk commenting, and became willing to make amends to them via chat the next time they logged in.

We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except for those who we friended and immediately remembered what made us want to harm them in the first place which finally caused them to be blocked for all eternity.

We continue to take personal inventory and when wrong promptly admit it; like when we were recently informed of the difference between Linus and Shroeder regarding a musical posting and quickly commented on our own status correcting the erroneous linkage of Linus and Lucy as potential lovers.

We sought through The facebook to improve our conscious contact with the world at large as we understood Its omnipotent power to connect us all, praying only for knowledge of Its will for us and the power to carry out that will via friending, sharing, tagging, and noting our life on a regular basis to the detriment of other areas of our life such as actually speaking with, sharing space with, or otherwise having direct contact with other humans.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to MySpacers and convert them. We practice these principles in all our affairs logging on from work and through our phones at will so we can find out what the rest of the world is doing that we might be missing. We never know when a relationship status is going to change or someone is going to take a nap. We can't go away for too long or we might miss the important posting of a dog being walked, dinner going in the oven, or the trash going out.