The Two Faces of Perfection

From the point where we come into this world, our lives are being affected by everything around us. Everything and everyone is our teacher. From the earliest time, we are being taught to be "someone" who we currently are not. We are being taught to be perfect. We are given toys where we are presented three dimensional shapes and have to shove them in the correct holes for the shape; you can never put the square in the circle spot. The square is perfect only in being a square, and that's all it will ever be. This is a small example of perfection being taught at a young age. We are being taught how perfectly the square fits into its square hole and we are told to keep trying if we try to put it in another hole. When being taught to talk, we are told that words sound a certain way, and threw school we are disciplined for not doing verbal assignments perfectly. When we say a word the wrong way, we are forced to hear our teacher say the word and have us repeat it until we say it correctly. As much as this is a good thing, so that later in life we can communicate properly with others, it is raising a bar that to a weak mind brings an impossible double standard of expectance from both others and ourselves. From small things as a child, we are brought up in this western society to understand that everything including ourselves must be perfect weather we want to be or not.

When it comes to relationships, people need to understand that there is no such thing as perfection. Although we are taught it as a kid, if we actually break down what "perfection" is in a relationship, we uncover a double standard of want.

For Example: Adam and Eve live in New York City and think they have a great relationship. Really, they don't. Adam has a reputation of being a flirt and has a past involving many of partners where Eve does not. Eve worries that someday Adam could cheat on her because of his past. One day, Eve opens up Adams email on accident and sees an email from another friend of there's who happens to be another woman. After reading the email, she discovers that Adam seemed to be having an emotional affair. However, Eve does not confront Adam because she loves him and doesn't want him to change for her. She would like it so that if he did change, he would do so because he wanted to, not because she wanted him to. What eve really wants is perfection regarding Adam. She wants two things at the same time which can not possibly happen. It is like wanting the world's perfect chocolate shake with 0 calories and 0 sugar; it just does not work that way.

The best way to deal with this type of "perfection" wanting situation is to really come to terms with the fact that if you want something to change in a relationship, you can never assume the other person is going to make that change on there own for them selves. The two things to do in this situation is for Eve to come to terms with she is with the person she loves for a reason, and should just let things happen as they do. If Adam loves her the way she loves him, she really shouldn't have to worry. Another possible situation is for Eve to confront Adam regarding the situation and make sure that he does change for her. Easier said then done, when someone else is making a change, they can not do it on there own. Adam in this situation will require all the support from Eve he can get to make sure the adjustment is done. Without encouragement and the occasional "pat on the back" there is no way that Adam on his own would be able to deal with this situation.