The Ugly Truth About Pregnancy

I knew being pregnant would not be a walk in the park, but no one told me that at times I would not only feel like an alien had taken over my body, I would lose all modesty thanks to way to frequent examinations and as exciting buying maternity clothes is after wearing them for a few months you will curse those elastic waistbands.

A few other ugly truths I learned include these various joys:

1. You will pee your pants when you sneeze. I mean really I had no idea that I would literally have to run inside a Target store to by a new pair of pants because my bladder leaked every time I so much as hiccupped. It's not pretty and I highly recommend carrying an extra pair of underwear in your purse.

2. You will either be honry as heck or absolutely hate your husband and fantasize about separate beds. The ugly truth is that these feelings can change hour by hour. One minute you want nothing to do with your partner, the next you are just insatiable. Unfortunately for my hubby most of the time I couldn't get far enough away.

3. You poop blood. Hemorrhoids are a pain in the rear, literally, and they can get so bad that you can not imagine life without Tucks medicated pads. I seriously thought the first time that my water broke only to be told that the blood was from my bum.

4. No matter how much money you spend on stretch mark cream you still get them.

5. You will become touched-out after your belly gets mistaken for Buddha's one to many times in a day.

6. The pregnancy glow is really just sweat from this afternoon's bout of "morning sickness" that always seems to come right before meeting with a big client.

7. Your husband will not wait on you hand and foot in the movies; in fact he will ask you to help him move a couch down to the basement.

8. Some random accident will occur. You might get hit by a Staples truck in your eighth month or fall down the stairs at month four. You will be scared out of your mind, but 99% of the time you will be perfectly fine.

9. Your breasts will get so big the store might not even carry your size. If you do find a bra in your size it will be so hideous you will be embarrassed to wear it to the doctors.

10. One of the most enjoyable moments after giving birth is the catheter. Seriously next to seeing and holding your amazing baby the joy of not having to pee every five minutes is amazing.

Of course it is all worth it at the end when you experience the most amazing joy in the world, that of holding your new born baby.