The Ultimate Energizing Bra from OMG Technologies, Inc

What is the Ultimate Energizing Bra? This is a truly energizing brassiere complete with a heating and cooling element with state of the art temperature controls and blue tooth technology. This bra comes in all sizes, and is as comfortable as relaxing on the beach in the Bahamas after four margaritas. Don't believe such an innovative, fantastic, sexy article of clothing can possibly exist? I didn't believe so until I interviewed women across the U.S. (and one from the U.K.).

"It is fun to wear," said Jennifer, a junior at Meelwick college New Hampshire, " and I can listen to my ipod anywhere."

"It goes with any lipstick shade and that makes the mornings go so much smoother." Sandy Johnson, Connecticut.

"I don't have time for your stinkin' survey." Sylvia Cappella, New Jersey.

"I pair it with a fun skirt and cheerful blouse and I am ready for anything." Mandy Smith, Indiana.

"This bra is perfect for the beach or the city! On hot days I turn on the cooling element and...wow!" Tiffany from California "

I like this bra because of the battery-powered heating element. I don't know why no one has thought of it before." Jessica, a lifelong resident of Minnesota.

"On days when I have flyaway hair, I put the bra on and everything seems more secure and grounded." Maureen O'Malley, from Chicago.

"I finally found a lipstick that had everlasting color and moisture. Now I have this great bra too." Anonymous

"I bet this bra is equipped with Rfid technology. The government doesn't need to know where I am. What next? And who are you? You are recording this, aren't you? Well, you go back to Quantico and tell them to lay off me! I know your people have tapped my phone. C.J. from an Undisclosed Location

"This bra represents the collapse of all humanity. It is a cage, imprisoning the breasts. Flesh is surrounded by wire and the life force suffocates and dies within the oppressive prison. I won't be a part of that. I won't give in to short term comfort and desires at the expense of life itself-- Mystic Rain Eden, Greenwich Village NY.

"This Bra is the new black." Celeste, Manhattan NY.

"I've hacked the bra and can now receive text messages." Jasmine, undisclosed institute of technology.

"I was disappointed. I don't feel this garment makes full use of available nanotechnology." Emily, M.I.T.

"We've had a similar model bra for a long time. The one I speak of can record a whispered conversation from across the room. Soon with new industrial--what's the word-- soon manufactured will be a new model with camera, so film can be made to go with the audio. Don't forget the Stinklangweilig Pudel lounge at five o'clock and you never met me. The eagle flies at dawn. . " "Natasha, former Eastern Bloc Spy

"Anything to energize the pubbys is right by me. Won't you stay for tea?" Hyacinth Bucket, U.K.

This article is dedicated to all fashion/cosmetic writers and reviewers. You make the world a perkier place. Don't stop.

Disclaimer: All quoted remarks in this article are completely fictitious. Happy April Fools Day! This blue-tooth enabled bra is a product of the author's odd imagination. Any similarity to a real product is coincidental. This entire article is a work of fiction. Thanks go to Linda Corby for helping me with British slang.