The Ultimate Guide to Surviving Menopause

In this article I hope to provide women (and the men willing to listen) with some knowledge, some remedies, and a little bit of humor about menopause. We all need help In order to survive the transition from living a life coping with natural hormones to living a life without them.

The good news is that the medical community has made some effort to assist women with the symptoms of menopause. The bad news is that not enough research has been done to safely assist women with their symptoms. So what can we do to help ourselves?

Start talking to each other.
Women are fairly used to talking to each other about their periods and their pregnancies. Why don't we share more about our experiences with menopause? Perhaps it is because the cessation of menses means an end to fertility. For some women, that is a welcome state. But for many, the emotional impact is devastating.

Remember how emotional we got during puberty? Well, why shouldn't we get emotional when those hormones go away? It's nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. Start asking your friends and relatives. Physical symptoms are tough enough to deal with, the emotional ones can be traumatic.

Switch to a female doctor.
If you don't already have a female doctor, I highly recommend this change. For years male doctors insisted that any symptom a woman had was "in her head" and that some tea and sympathy would fix her right up. Or she might have been told to do something useful with her time - like volunteer at the library to "take her mind off her worries". Luckily we have come out of the dark ages. Now we're in the dimly lit ages.

Not all male doctors are insensitive, but female doctors at least have real life experience with our health concerns. I knew I had to make the change to a female doctor when my male doctor asked me what the difference was between menstrual cramps (during your period) and intestinal cramps (during the flu).

One size does not fit all.
Just as there are a myriad of ways women experience pregnancy, childbirth and their periods, menopause affects each woman in a unique way. I asked my mother when she was 78 what menopause had been like for her. She stopped and paused, then answered "It happened when I was in my fifties". I was hoping for a little more information.

I think my mother just put it all out of her mind. This is likely what she was told to do. Of course, when she went through menopause, pregnant women weren't allowed out in public. Take some comfort in the fact that you cannot have an "abnormal" menopausal experience. There is only "your" menopausal experience.

Soy, herbs or a rubber mallet to the head?
There is more literature available now on hormone replacement therapy versus herbal remedies. I wish less time was spent in debate and more time spent in working toward a safe remedy. We were guaranteed a few years ago that the current hormone replacement therapy was fine and dandy.

One of my very good friends, who unfortunately went through a surgical menopause at the age of 35, had been on hormone replacement (HRT) for 15 years. Then came the dire announcement a couple of years ago that the experts were wrong and that current HRT was going to kill us! And soon!

My friend's doctor ripped the HRT medication out of her hands. Stopped her cold turkey. Nearly overnight her skin became scaly, her hair came out in chunks and she fell into a deep depression. I guess they forgot about the recommendation that most of these medications should be tapered off to avoid any ill effects.

Again, I don't think there is any one answer. And of course it makes a difference if you go through a natural menopause or a sudden one because of surgery. I have another good friend who swears by her herbal remedies. But talk all the options over with your female doctor and your friends. Do what you personally feel the best about. We don't have to depend on HRT to avoid osteoporosis now. There are other pills available for that. Sally Field likes Boniva.

I don't advocate for one specific method. The key is that it's okay to acknowledge your suffering and address the serious concerns. Bone loss is very likely for all of us. Hot flashes and night sweats are very unpleasant but they will pass. Emotional upsets are real and can be addressed, depending on the severity, by counseling, antidepressants, or a really great massage.

You will dry up like a prune.
This is one symptom that I personally think does not get enough attention. Vaginal lubricants abound. That's not what I'm talking about. All of your body tissues dry out. Your skin, your scalp, your eyes will all be affected. Do not hesitate to use eyedrops liberally. Go ahead and pamper yourself with every kind of body and skin cream you can afford. This one kindness to yourself will make you feel better than nearly anything else you can do for yourself.

Keep or develop a sense of humor.
Your libido is likely to take a dip until you get nearly to the other side of menopause. You can do whatever you can think of to stay motivated for your partner if you have one. But one day, unexpectedly, it will sneak back up on you.

I was sitting on the couch watching a golf tournament near the beginning of Tiger Woods' domination of the game. I was knitting a sweet little sweater for a new baby in the family. Out of nowhere, after Tiger sank a long put and gave his now iconic arm pump I thought ,"I wonder how Tiger is in the sack?" I looked around suddenly startled and wondered who said that!

I continued knitting. Then it happened again. "Well" I thought, "he has a great stroke". Where did that come from? Then I started to chuckle. "He certainly knows how to get it in the hole". I laughed out loud. I was very lucky. Not only had my libido returned, but so had my sense of humor.

Good luck to all of you. If you can make it to the other side, everything will be okay.