The Ultimate Lazy Couch Potato Workout

Confide in me. I know you're in quite the predicament. There's an arsenal of college basketball rivalry games on television tonight and the only thing better than that is the cold beer and nacho dip you'll be consuming while you're watching it. Men work hard to establish their "spot" on the sofa. Much like a dog urinating onto a tree, we're simply marking our territory and letting other members of the household not to dare sit in the warm spot. I know your wife is nagging you to get off of the sofa, do something productive with your life, and to start exercising because you're starting to look like the slob you truly are. However, you work an 8:00-5:00 shift and by the time you get home, the last thing you want to do is go out to the gym and pretend like you're working out. I've got the answer, gentlemen. It's the Ultimate Lazy Couch Potato Workout. All you need is your warm spot on the sofa and a few items and you'll be good to go. Each commercial break features a different workout session.

The BeerBells.

Let me first start out by stating that all of the exercises should be done during commercial breaks and not interrupting game time. Start the exercise by grabbing that six pack of cold beer out of the refrigerator and bring it to your spot on the sofa. With three beers in each hand, begin repetitions and sets of 20 with each arm, going in a motion just like that with barbells. This should take you no more than five minutes and when you're done the key is to not drink the beer. I know it's tough, but stay with me here. Put the beer back in the refrigerator. If you drank it now then the exercise you did would be completely meaningless. Save it for another day.

Crunches.

During the second commercial break, you'll need to get positioned on your back on the sofa with your knees bent and traditional sit up form. Slowly lift your head and shoulders off the sofa, get as close as you can to your knees, and hold for a period five seconds. Release and go back down to the sofa and repeat the process. You should continue to do this until the game comes back on.

Neck Exercises

I'm sure you'll be working your neck throughout the game when shaking your head in disapproval of the officiating, but this is a formal exercise intended to stimulate the muscles throughout your neck. This exercise will be better in a La-Z-Boy chair. Place your feet flatly on the floor and have your arms gripped on the armrest. Your back should be against the chair and full supported. Start by lowering your chin and turning your neck slowly to the left shoulder. Hold it there for a couple of seconds and then slowly sweep your neck, still keeping your chin down, across to your right shoulder and repeat the hold for two seconds. Do this ten times and your neck will be nice and loose throughout the game.

Bathroom break.

You're probably needing a bathroom break by now, right? If you're in the bathroom, take the opportunity to do a few exercises. We're going to work on your upper body strength. Start by turning on your stomach and put your hands on the toilet seat. With your feet perched on the tub, you can now do push-ups for sets of fifteen at a time. It's important to keep the volume very loud on the television so that you can hear when the game comes back on.

Cardio.

My last exercise for the evening involves getting your healthy dose of cardio in. Start the exercise by turning the volume completely off of the television. Get off of the sofa and walk to the television and turn up the volume one bar. Walk quickly back to the sofa and sit down. Stand up again and walk the television and repeat the steps. I recommend doing this twenty times or until the volume sounds as if your television is going to explode. This is a great way to get your heart pumping and exercise for your muscles.