THE ULTIMATE MARRIAGE LICENSE

One of the finest institutions I can think of is that of marriage. I love it so much I have been there three times. Each time just gets better than the last. I just can't get enough. The toughest part is how to end the marriage I am through with?

For years I have entertained an idea in my head that does not seem all that far-fetched if we look at all the statistics. I am told that approximately 50% of all marriages end in divorce. What really surprises me is that the number rises to about 70% for second marriages and it continues to climb as the number of marriages increases.

Now this tells me that either we are a bunch of ungrateful slobs who can't get satisfied no matter what we do, or as you practice at getting divorced you just get better at it. Things go better and faster when you know what you are doing. Maybe by the third or fourth time we look at our circumstances and shrug our shoulders, and say "So what, been there, done that." Then we go get the $299 divorce and move on.

I don't know the reasons for divorces or divorce rates or anything. I am only sharing the data I have read with you. Well, the only one getting rich here is the divorce lawyer. Just think of it, a divorce lawyer has nothing else to do but prepare the paperwork for one divorce after the other. You know his job gets easier and easier as we continue to file past him.

Well, I think I have the solution for this entire madcap situation. Why not issue marriage licenses with renewal requirements. You know, just like your drivers license. Every three or four years both parties will have to go before some official and proclaim their intentions to stay married for at least another three or four years. They pay a meager sum and their license gets validated for another cycle.

It isn't all that far-fetched. It could work. If, at the time of renewal, one of them did not want to renew, then they forsake everything of any material value and just walk away. No lawyers, no judges, no pain, no bickering, just walk away. If they both want to drop their licenses then they have to split everything 50 / 50. Simple as can be.

Child support could even be arranged. If the woman does not want to renew her license but she wants the children then she takes them with her. If the man keeps his license he pays nothing, but he cannot get married again until he forsakes his license. If he wants to drop it, so he can freely play the field again, the official comes up with a legitimate child support figure.

We could even make it a crime to be caught with a single person of the opposite sex if you still have a valid marriage license. You must get shed of your license to allow you to start dating again.

I can see lots of peripheral rules and regulations but the primary idea is to be able to just let the license lapse and not have to support divorce lawyers any longer. What a concept.