The Ultimate Non-Scientific Way to Test Your Job Interview

Over the last few months I've become sort of an expert at job interviews. Not actually passing them and getting a job, but general job interviews and how to make a good impression and yet not actually get the job. Now I've decided to pass on a couple of tips. Now, these aren't tips on how not to get a job. Just general tips.

The first one that I've noticed is that if the person who is calling you about the job in the first place sounds like a jerk, you should probably pass on the interview because it is going to be the worst time you've had short of visiting a dentist. Recently I had an interview where the first indication that things were going to go badly was that the guy was very rude to me on the phone and just sounded like a general jerk. Still, I was in no position to be picky and so I went to the interview.

Now, the interview itself was a nightmare. Not only did I have to drive 35 minutes in ungodly heat, the office had no idea what I was talking about when I said that I was there for an interview and so instead of politely questioning their competence, I decided to just go home. I was called a few minutes later by the guy who was interviewing me wondering why I wasn't there. I explained, turned around and headed back. What followed was 60 minutes of annoying. On my resume I have a lot of writing credits because that's where a lot of my income is generated. This guy wasn't buying it though and actually pulled out his laptop in the middle of the interview and began questioning my resume, telling me to bring up all my writing credits because he wanted to see them. Some of these credits were at least a year old and so it's not as though I had any idea where they were now. I usually just write them and forget about them. Still, I relented, grit my teeth and pulled up as many as I could.

In the end I ended up not getting the job but it was still a very frustrating 40 minutes that I'm never going to get back (at least an hour or more if you count my travel time).

The second tip is my most important, unscientifically proven method to gauge how interested a company is in hiring you. As we all know, most managers know what they are looking for in an employee and really know if you fit that mold within the firs few minutes of the interview which is why I devised the breath mint test. Everyone knows that it's common sense to pop a breath mint before an interview but I've come to use it as a gauge rather than something to freshen my breath (though I do use it for that as well). Right before I start the interview, I pop a breath mint into my mouth and if my interview is over before that breath mint is finished dissolving in my mouth, than I know that I have zero chance of getting that job. The longer I go with a breath mint in my mouth, the better I feel about my chances. If I walk out there and my breath mint is entirely gone, I even go so far as to get optimistic!

So interviewees, remember to pack breath mints! I promise that it's the "best" (not really) way to gauge if you just wasted a day of your life that you'll never get back.