The Ultimate Social Network Set-Up Train Wreck

Preparing to go to the ultimate birthday party disaster
A place full of modern day Chicken Littles
Who are on way too much Prozac and Lithium
Always believing that the sky is falling around them
With thoughts faster than Indy 500 racers and Superman himself
No amount of drugs can prepare for the ultimate scam
A blind date from the unholy high of Hells
A suitor that is so nervous that Nellie is calmer in comparison
Body stiffer than an over starched White Gap T-Shirt
Sticking straight up in the air like a designer boogie board
That wouldn't survive even the mildest of waves or the first date
It's a shame because he looks like Keanu Reeves circa Point Break
A mix of a surfer crossed with a cop with serious stress issues
Jumpier than a Kangaroo in an Australian heat wave
Bounced around too much and way too touchy with their paws
Ordered by the psych ward doctors to drink tea inside of Folgers
Was also required to obey a personal restraining order
Something that would make Eddie Murphy freak out repeatedly
And Renee Zellweger lose her Bridget Jones British Accent
Visited the love doctor for a new type of personal mood stabilizer
Something that "The Dude" and the cops would approve of
A legal cure for the type of bodily heart ailment only money can't fix
Need a very long and extended vacation in the Witness Protection Program
To hide from the Norman Bates and Hannibal Lecters on Match.com
Haven't been able to book the perfect getaway on Hotwire or Expedia
Time to make a date to the nearest Walmart instead
It's cheap, easy and always entertaining to see how random shoppers dress
In almost anything they think they can get away with and never do
A great way to erase any social anxieties and have a good laugh
That's a sight to behold in itself
Make a date for guaranteed relaxation that no party can deliver.