The Unappreciated Dollhouse

We were at a yard sale recently, when I discovered that other people give gifts to people who don't appreciate the time or effort that goes into their production. Not just me. A woman in her twenties was selling a large, handmade doll house that her grandfather had made for her. It made me feel bad. I could imagine her grandfather, imagining her playing with it and maybe even her children some day, while he was making it. She was selling it because they "needed the space." I only hope that the grand father enjoyed the making of the doll house for itself.

This incident affected me more than I realized at the time. I often make gifts for people, because that way I can give nicer gifts, and because I enjoy making them. Now I am becoming more selective about which people get gifts that I have put my time into. Some people appreciate hand work and other people don't. It seems that more and more we are inundated with stuff and only special things are kept. Everything else is re-gifted, or ends in a yard sale

On the news recently there was a woman who bought a platinum, bejeweled ring for a nickel at a yard sale. It was worth enough money to make the six o'clock news a hundred miles away. The people who sold it never knew. When I give things that I have made, the recipients often have no idea that the item has been made or created just for them. They have no idea of how to care for them. I especially try not to give knitted things that require hand washing, because I know that most young people not only don't know how, but are unwilling to put forth the effort, to care for them properly. It is their loss, since they only get things that will wash and dry in the machine. If I didn't they could end up with doll clothes after one trip through the dryer. Of course no one likes naked dolls, but --

When I am in a store, or at a sale, if I see something that I think would be nice for a particular person, I buy it and put it away. Oh look a purple pig. Betty collects pigs and this will be ideal. When Christmas comes, I am usually way ahead of the game. Still, I am making fewer things for people since I saw that doll house. I only do the hand work that I enjoy. Perhaps things won't end in a yard sale, but perhaps they will. If so, I hope that whoever gets them, loves them as much as I did while I was making them.

Thank you notes have gone way out of style. They have been replaced by e-mail or telephone calls. Maybe that is good, since occasionally the thank you notes were almost total falsehoods. By carefully calling things "interesting" instead of hideous the note could be written and the gift acknowledged. But what seems worse than receiving a thank you e-mail or phone call, is a total lack of communication. Did they like the purple pig, or hate it, or did they even get it? At least tracking has allowed the giver to know if a package was delivered. Perhaps next year those people who didn't acknowledge gifts should be given something a more exciting. Maybe a box of fertilizer for their roses, in other words - manure.

Perfume is a tricky gift to give. My friend, who works at a day care center is severely allergic to perfume and every Christmas she is inundated with scented candles, powders, soaps and so on. It is nice that the parents like her enough to give her a gift, but isn't there something else they could give her. She brings them to our Lace Group Christmas Party (see my article titled "The White Elephant Game") and they go home with people who like them. I remember one Christmas, I got my mother several gifts all in the same scent '" soap, perfume, talc, hand lotion, etc. She asked if she smelled bad. I just thought it might be nice for her to have everything that smelled the same rather than having scents that clashed. Giving the right gift can be tricky.

My father would solve his gift giving dilemma by telling me to figure out what my mother would like, buy it and wrap it for him. He would give me the money. I would embark on his secret mission. Listen for what she liked and didn't have. Consult with my father to see if he thought it was right and get it to him in time for him to write on the tag so they would both be happy. I use that technique to find gifts for pretty much every one. This is easier to do when there are two gift giving occasions relatively close together. Sometimes what people really wanted will slip out of their mouth as they are opening gifts. The trick is to pay attention and to remember what they wanted.

A friend gave me the best gift ever, because she knew how much I loved it. She had two identical fabric panels with toys on them. She was going to quilt a baby blanket out of one. I fell in love with the bear. Periodically I asked her if she had found the fabric that went with it yet. I wanted her to know what great taste I thought she had and how lucky I thought the baby that got it would be. Imagine my surprise when two years later she gave me one of the two panels for my birthday. It was totally unexpected and a very much appreciated gift. She paid attention.

It is impossible to place a value on a piece of hand made lace, or grandma's cut glass pitcher, or even grandpa's marble. If the story that goes with something is lost, it can become worth less, or even worthless. That kind of story is called "provenance" on "The Antiques Road Show" and it makes items more valuable. It is always fun to watch people react to how much their things are worth. Some things can't be priced. $10.00
for that doll house only made the grand daughter look shallow and selfish. It also made me want to be more careful where I invest my time and effort.

When someone receives a gift and doesn't acknowledge it, it not only makes them look bad. It makes the person who gives the gift think twice before they give another gift. Pretty soon all they will send is either gift cards or notes that charitable contributions have been made in their name. Gift cards take almost no thought and you don't have to worry about the fit, although they may be a bit small. At least that way you don't have to think about the person who receives them. They take hardly any effort at all. No wonder they are so popular.