The Unscratchables by Corneilus Kane -- Review

Let's take a mental snapshot to begin this look at the crime novel "The Unscratchables." Take your favorite police/detective type (Humphrey Bogart, Dirty Harry, etc.) Now, replace him/her with a bull terrier, make the partner a unflappable Siamese cat with an answer for everything, and that's just the beginning of this genre-bending story.

Author Cornelius Kane (a pen name, just to add to the intrigue) builds an entire world around the premise of dogs and cats as the stars of the show. The lead dog is one Crusher McNash, a bull terrier and rough-and-tumble cop. He's just about to call it a night, busts out the dog food and kicks back on the couch, when the "jangler" rings. McNash wants to ignore it, but it won't go away. On the other end is his partner, standing over two dead Rottweiler gangsters on the docks.

The victims appear to have met their end at the hands of a cat, which vexes McNash no end, given the superiority cats have over dogs in their world, and the likelihood that he'll have to work with a cat from that posh enclave of Kathattan to solve the case. The cat in question is Cassius Lap, a smooth operator, calm, efficient, on top of everything. The Siamese represents everything the tortured war veteran McNash hates about cats, but work together they must.

Questions begin to arise immediately. What kind of cat could kill these dogs (other victims include a Doberman Pinscher security guard)? Is Lap on the level, or is he as crooked as they come? These just can't be routine murders if international assassin Carlos the Jackal is in town and taking people out, can it? Is mad psychiatrist Quentin Riossitti really insane/really a killer/really trying to help our heroes?

Kane uses his dog world, named San Bernardo, to mirror the real world and show us what he really thinks is going on out there, from the corporate bigwigs controlling the media in a concerted effort to make or keep everyone stupid and compliant (Lap uses the term "frisbees and biscuits" often. Sub in "bread and circus," and you've got the general idea). The spearhead for this movement is one Phineas Reynard. He's a fox. Literally. You'll only need one guess to decide who Reynard is in real life.

In addition to his overall philosophy, Kane brings in some recognizable pop culture references as well. Riossitti is very much the Hannibal Lecter type, advising McNash and Lap as only a mad brilliant doctor can. There's the femme fatale to tempt McNash in the person of Reynard's vixen. He even dusts upon the steroid issue in sports with a juiced-up cat boxer who grows in size at the ringing of a bell.

And the author brilliantly paints the picture that these are still dogs and cats, so the cigarettes smell like dirt and trash, they only bathe once a month (if that), the CSI's are beagles because of their heightened smell abilities, cars are "tooters," phones are "janglers," creatures meet their ends in washing machines and leash hangings, and the food comes in a can.

"The Unscratchables" would be worth the read just because of how unique it is. The fact that you'll be guessing to the very end as to who's really involved in the great scheme, who isn't, and how complex and far-reaching it all becomes make it a instant classic.