The Ups and Downs (and Backbends) of Extended Breastfeeding

Let's face it, we all know the benefits of breastfeeding and have made the commitment to give our wee ones the best possible start in life...but really, how do we feel about sharing our bed with our three-year old nursling? Sleeping on our sides, with one arm bent up under our heads, in a contorted position so that our sweet babes can suckle (and twiddle) their way off to dreamland? Or sitting around a drum circle with an upside down, butt-in-the-air two and a half year old hanging from your nipple?

So, what exactly is extended breastfeeding, you ask? Extended breastfeeding is breastfeeding that continues beyond the American Academy of Pediatrics current recommendation of one year. Extended breastfeeding is practiced widely around the world, though it is less common in Western society than anywhere else.

Why would someone continue nursing past the first year? Well...for many reasons, among them the idea that children who are allowed to develop a deep attachment to their mothers are more confident and fare much better in this complex, ever-moving world that we live in.

Extended breastfeeding benefits the child in many ways, including:

Toddler nurslings benefit nutritionally

"Mothers lactating for greater than one year produce milk with significantly higher fat and energy contents than those lactating for shorter periods."(Mandel 2005)

Toddler nurslings are sick less often

"The American Academy of Family Physicians notes that children weaned before two years of age are at an increased risk of illness." (AAFP 2001)

"Antibodies are abundant in human milk throughout lactation." In fact, some of the immune factors in breast milk increase in concentration during the second year and also during the weaning process." (Goldman 1983, Goldman & Goldblum 1983, Institute of Medicine 1991)

Toddler nurslings have fewer allergies

Studies have shown that one of the best ways to prevent allergies and asthma is to exclusively breastfeed for at least six months and to continue long -term breastfeeding after that point.

Toddler nurslings are well adjusted socially

According to Elizabeth N. Baldwin, Esq. in "Extended Breastfeeding and the Law":

"Breastfeeding is a warm and loving way to meet the needs of toddlers and young children. It not only perks them up and energizes them; it also soothes the frustrations, bumps and bruises, and daily stresses of early childhood. In addition, nursing past infancy helps little ones make a gradual transition to childhood."

Baldwin continues: "Meeting a child's dependency needs is the key to helping that child achieve independence. And children outgrow these needs according to their own unique timetable." Children who achieve independence at their own pace are more secure in that independence then children forced into independence prematurely.

Nursing a toddler is normal

The World Health Organization emphasizes the importance of nursing up to two years of age or beyond. (WHO 1992, WHO 2002)

Scientific research by Katherine A. Dettwyler, PhD shows that 2.5 to 7.0 years of nursing is what our children have been designed to expect. (Dettwyler, 1995)

And yes, Extended Breastfeeding benefits moms too.

Extended nursing delays the return of fertility in some women by suppressing ovulation.

Breastfeeding reduces the risk of breast cancer. Studies have found a significant inverse association between duration of lactation and breast cancer risk.

Breastfeeding reduces the risk of ovarian cancer

Breastfeeding reduces the risk of uterine cancer

Breastfeeding reduces the risk of endometrial cancer

Breastfeeding protects against osteoporosis. During lactation a mother may experience decreases of bone mineral. A nursing mom's bone mineral density may be reduced in the whole body by 1 to 2 percent while she is still nursing. This is gained back, and bone mineral density may actually increase, when the baby is weaned from the breast. This is not dependent on additional calcium supplementation in the mother's diet.

Breastfeeding reduces the risk of rheumatoid arthritis.

Breastfeeding has been shown to decrease insulin requirements in diabetic women.

Breastfeeding moms tend to lose weight easier.

Nothing feels better at the end of a very long day than cuddling up to your warm, sleepy nursling and drifting off to dreamland. Once they are peacefully snoozing, you can gaze at them and no matter how wacky your day has been, you fall in love all over again! Ahh, baby love!

But, like everything else, there is another side to extended breastfeeding...

Take Society for example. It is not at all uncommon in this day and age to be publicly confronted about breastfeeding once your child passes infancy. "Are you still nursing?" "How old is she now?" "How long will you keep that up?" "Isn't little Nakai too old to nurse?" "Doesn't it hurt?" are all phrases us earth mamas have come across it one time or another. Do these comments affect us? Of course...we may be Lactivists, but we have feelings too. Societal pressure has so much to do with breastfeeding success. Women need to feel supported and welcomed in their communities. Western society scores very low on the pro-breastfeeding list! Few shopping malls and stores have nursing lounges and comments and glares leave many a nursing mama feeling unloved.

To tell the truth, most of us extended breastfeeding mamas are closet nursers! The older our wee ones get, the less we nurse in public! Also, the older our babies get, the less they request to nurse. Generally by about age two and a half, nurslings lean towards the naptime/bedtime only nursing schedule. So yes, society does impact our decision to breastfeed long-term.

Intimacy is another area where extended breastfeeding gets challenging. Mamas and Papas really have to be on the same page for extended breastfeeding to be a success. Some fathers tend to be jealous of the closeness and time spent between mother and nursing child. Toddler nurslings are often not sleeping through the night, so even if you're not co sleeping, your nighttime hours could be interrupted by the pitter-patter of little feet visiting you in search of "ninny", "bicky", or "mama's mook". This could happen at any time but is most likely to occur just when you are spending much-needed quality time with your spouse!

If you are co-sleeping with your nursing toddler, chances are that much of your slumbering hours are spent in that already mentioned contorted position, on one side, arm twisted behind head, one nipple in your child's mouth and the other being twiddled in your little lovie's hand. This does not make for a well-rested mama in the morning!

Still another of the not so great things about Extended breastfeeding is the point in which your nursling becomes demanding and manipulative, bullying you to give up that sweet stuff. You experience a major wake-up call when your usually sweet three-year-old looks at you with eyes squinted and in a huffy voice blurts out, "Give me some ninny, NOW!" or, "If you don't give me milk right now, I will---." This phase certainly makes a mama question her choice to continue nursing.
Parent-child separation is usually pretty difficult too, for those of us who are into extended breastfeeding. The attachment is so great that these nurslings rarely consent to being left with a sitter for date night or to staying in the nursery at church or the gym. It's times like these that make us nursing mamas watch in semi-envy as the other mothers effortlessly say, "see you later" to their almost 2 year old, give a quick kiss on the cheek and dash off...as we witness the other children happily playing with toys and other children, seemingly unaware of the mayhem going on between ourselves and our child, the terror in our child's eyes, the clenched fingers around our leg, the pleading not to go...and we wonder I we've made the right choice.

So, is extended breastfeeding right for everyone? Probably not! How do you know when to say enough is enough?

Well, basically it is important to take those cues from your child and yourself. Is the child still interested? Are you? Are you still finding the relationship rewarding? Do you still feel blessed at the opportunity? Or are you secretly cringing every time your child asks? Are you constantly putting them off or finding ways to get out of nursing?

Extended Breastfeeding is a beautiful experience that benefits child and mother alike. How long it continues is an individual thing, there is no timetable to follow and shouldn't be. Many mothers of older nurslings follow the "don't offer, don't refuse" philosophy, understanding that children are very in tune with their needs and will ask when they're feeling tired or sick or needing to be comforted and feel safe in mama's arms.

Follow your heart and your child's cues. Surround yourself with supportive, loving, like-minded friends and family; love each other enough to know when it's time to part. Honor the journey and you'll be sure to have beautiful nursing memories and a child who feels loved, secure and in tune with his family and his self. Oh, and cherish those upside down butts in the air, and the toes in your face...they soon get bigger and are there less often! Happy Nursing!