The Ups and Downs of Raising Twins

Lotta and Fredrik Rosander live in Sweden with their twin boys Axel and Emil. They were at one point told they could never conceive without IVF, but decide to not go that route. Imagine their shock when Lotta does indeed turn up pregnant, and with twins no less...

MM: Did you know you were having twins before they they were born? What was your reaction to the news?

Lotta: September 10, 2003, we went for the first routine ultrasound. I was 18 weeks and 3 days into my pregnancy and I was very nervous. What if something's wrong with the baby? What if the baby has some kind of syndrome or handicap? I wonder if they can tell if it's a boy or a girl? But no, I don't want to know, I'm sure it's a girl anyway! It feels like it!

Or what if it's two in there??? People have been joking about it the past month or so since my stomach got so big right away... And my colleague at work, who's supposed to be a bit psychic, has for the last 2 weeks been walking around with a "secret" smile saying: "You'll see, it's twins!"

"Yeah, right. Sure, baby" I thought, I don't have any twins in the family... And it's supposed to be genetically hereditary! Fredrik has twins in the family, but it's not supposed to be hereditary from the father's side, is it?

But my stomach was HUUUGE... When we enter the examination room the midwife says: "So, you're having two? We'll see!"

I lay down on the cot in the examination room and expose my stomach which gets a large heap of cold gel on it. Fredrik sits in eager expectation and neorvousness next to me. The midwife puts "the ultra sound thing" on my stomach and Fredrik startles in his chair:
"That baby has too many heads!"
The midwife says: "Oops, there's two of them in here!"

I burst into tears, I'm all shaking, my tears are squirting out and I can hardly see the monitor in front of me. Fredrik is shaking uncontrollable, he can't believe his eyes. We who learned that we never would conceive a child without in-vitro fertilizing - we're having "home made" TWINS!

The midwife can't find a partition between the twins and gets a bit worried. She calls for a more experienced midwife who does the whole procedure all over again, but she can't find any partition either. One twin is also a bit smaller than the other. They're getting worried that the twins are in the same amniotic sac and we get an appointment at the specialists in Lund a couple of days later.

We're leaving, quite dumb wit astonishment... We get in the car and drive home, not saying a word. A couple of minutes later we look at each other: "Can you believe we're having twins?!"

Then we go home and happily tell all our relatives the fantastic news!

MM: What was/is the hardest thing about dealing with twins?

Lotta: The hardest thing is the feeling of never "being enough", the feeling of never being able to give them 100% of me, since there are two of them... Having a guilty conscience got a new meaning since I became a mother of twins - but that's just the way it its, I can never give them both 100% and I'm trying to live with it!

MM: Do you think raising twins is harder than one child or easier?

Lotta: In many ways I think it's easier, since they were born they have to share and wait for their turn.

They always have someone to play with, someone to keep them company, someone to feel secure with night and day.

But then again. being two means someone to fight with, someone who always triggers the other and himself to masters of mischief! Every day I get comments from people I know and don't know: Isn't it hard? Poor you, it has to be very hard?

- No, usually it's not that hard, I enjoy every day with my wonderful, fantastic, beloved twins!

MM: Where do you go for answers?

Lotta: Since the beginning I've been reading a lot of books on pregnancy and on parenting twins.

But actually I've gotten most answers to questions on the internet, different websites about twins/multiples, and on various forums for twin parents.

Particularly one Swedish forum has become important, it's a small forum with 99 % twin mothers and since most of us had our twins 2004 we've become very close friends and talk about everything about having twins and about just anything.

MM: Any advice for parents who are expecting twins?

Lotta:

1. Prepare for the twins arrival and try to have everything ready at home before they come. Listen to your body! Try to rest, you need energy both during labour and the existence of being a new mother of twins. Lower your pace and concentrate on doing one thing a day, that's enough.

2. Dare to ask for help! Ask someone to come and for example take a walk with the baby so you can sleep, eat, clean or whatever you want to do. Or ask someone to come clean/cook for you while you concentrate on the babies. Ask someone to shop for groceries.

3. Find other expecting and experienced twin mothers for example through the internet, for advice, support and nice company!

4. Make a lot of food and freeze for future needs or ask the expecting grandparents to do so.

And Last - Having twins is not just tough! Sure it can be tough some days, but it's compensated for a thousand times every day! I've got double of everything - two cuddly babies to hug, to talk to, to laugh with, to develop with and to love and be loved by. Having twins have made me feel chosen, I'm proud and happy that I got to be a part of this miracle of having two babies growing inside me at the same time, this miracle of giving birth to two babies in one labour. My children have a sibling with them to the world and I get to be part of the miracle of seeing them develop together and apart.

______

An Edited Version of my interview appeared in the winter 2008 issue of Multiples Magazine, all rights reserved.