The Value of Live-In Grandparents

In today's society, many people cringe when they think about having a parent live in their home with their family. Having a live-in grandparent can be beneficial as well as difficult. My mother lives in our home with my family and I, and we have experienced the ups and downs of the live-in grandparent. When thinking about having a grandparent live in your home, it is important to weigh the positive and negative involved. Live-in grandparents provide additional child-care, support for parents, wisdom, knowledge, and a close family tie. They also contribute to less family privacy, unsolicited suggestions, as well as requiring you to live with your parents again. In my experience, I have found that the positive attributes most definitely outweigh the negative.

The first and most important aspect to consider about having a live-in grandparent is what your relationship with them is like. If you have a turbulent relationship with your parents, having them live in your home is not a good idea. This will contribute to unnecessary stress in your home and with your family. However, if you enjoy a happy and mostly functional relationship with your parent, a live-in situation may be beneficial for you. Having the ability in your relationship to set boundaries with your parent (physical and emotional), and being able to enforce these boundaries is necessary. Also, having a relationship that is built upon mutual respect and love is also necessary. Being able to keep each other's best interests in mind, while caring for your self, will keep a happy home.

Sometimes, however, you will experience negative things, even in the most positive and supportive relationships. Having to relearn how to live with each other as adults can be trying. The power dynamics have shifted, and you must each respect one another. The live-in grandparent is still your parent, however, and that dynamic will never change. If you have children, you are also a parent, and that needs to be respected as well. Setting clear limits on child discipline and management is required. Sharing physical space with another adult can be difficult at times as well. Most homes are crowded to begin with, so adding another adult can wreak havoc. The parent-child dynamic also encourages suggestions and ways that you may "better" your household, etc. Learning to balance tolerance with the ability to speak up is crucial. Being flexible is also key.

For our family, the positive attributes of having a live-in grandparent outweigh any negatives that we experience. I have received amazing support from my mother in all aspects of my life, and the fact that I respect her and her knowledge attributes to that. She also has provided my children with a grandparent that they know and love as a member of their immediate family, as opposed to someone they visit weekly or monthly. Their relationship with their grandmother is different because they know and experience each other on a more intimate level. Neither misses anything in the other's live. No one tells a story like grandma, not even mommy. My mother also provides child-care. This is not only beneficial to our finances, but also to my sense of concern. I know that they have a loving and responsible person caring for them. My children also get to experience the values and knowledge specific to their grandmother's era. Without a live-in grandmother, our household and family would be lacking in so many different ways.