The Video Game and the Gamer Dad

I am a father of 3. I have 2 boys ages 4 and 6, and a 6 month old daughter. My boys only want to play video games all day long, every single day. I am not quite sure how I feel about their complaining and whining to be able to play video games all the time.

When I was 3 years old, my father brought home an Atari 2600 video game system. This was one of the coolest things I had ever seen. At 3 years old, I would beg to go to the local video game arcade (remember those?) so I could play the newest games and got to go a few times a month. I guess it's this immersion in the gaming world so young that makes many in my generation turn into socially inept, out of shape, pale, men. Luckily I was blessed with a fairly good metabolism and a love of the sun so on the outside, I don't look like your typical gamer who spends hours daily "fragging Noobs", "Tking", and "Grinding".

When my first son was born in 2001, I spent a lot of time with him and played video games on my Playstation 2. He enjoyed sitting with me when I played games for a couple hours each day. His mother didn't mind because he was quiet and being good. I would talk to him constantly while I played and he learned many words very early. When my second son was born in 2003, I knew my gaming time would have to be put on hold. I switched over to a graveyard shift job so I could take care of my boys during the day (their mother had a bad back and was 90% worthless). In August of 2003, something happened. I bought a new PC, threw some money into it, and bought a game. That game was Star Wars Galaxies. The first and last MMORPG I ever played.

Video games have a way of sucking you into their world and consuming way to much of your time. Star Wars Galaxies was a fresh and new MMORPG with Star Wars characters. It was wonderful. I was part of a great guild, made tons of new friends (at the expense of some live ones), and was part of an exciting new world.
The problem came when instead of coming home from work at 8am and getting to sleep until 2pm I would hop onto the computer and play Star Wars Galaxies. I had heard about MMORPG's taking a lot of your life but didn't think I would ever get hooked on one. Gradually, I got less and less sleep over a few months until I didn't want to do much of anything. I played this game about 15-30 hours a week until the end of 2005 when they ruined it.

I'm not saying I neglected my kids during this time. In the summer months we went swimming daily and I would pack up any of the neighborhood kids that wanted to come with us. I read to them and played with them every day, attempted to teach them how to read and write, and had a lot of fun. Certain days, usually after my 5th 10 hour graveyard shift in a row with a minimal amount of sleep, would be awful. I shooed them away, yelled at everyone, and was generally unpleasant. Luckily, this was only about 4 days a month.

When my oldest boy turned 3 in 2004, he started asking me if he could play video games too. I said "Okay" and bought him a gamecube and a handful of kid friendly video games. I would play them with him and he really liked it. I implemented a reward system for him that he didn't really like but complied with. He would write a line of letters, shapes, or numbers and in return he would get 10 minutes of video game time by himself. To me that sounded very fair and I kept it at a 2 hour limit per day. Quite a few days he didn't want to do the "work" so he didn't get to play. Usually there was a minimum of fighting about it.

This system failed terribly when my younger boy was around 2 and a half. He wanted to play too but was still too young to understand my system and he couldn't write anyway. Compromise had to be reached. When my oldest got 1 hour, he had to play 2 players with his brother at least 20 minutes. This led to countless screams, fights, and loss of toys for both of them.

Now, at ages 4 and 6, they still want to play video games every single day and fight every single day. I am long past my MMORPG experience but still play a few games like Battlefield 2, Playstation 2 games, and Xbox games. I fight with their mother constantly because she decided to buy them a game system for her house. She lays down no ground rules and video games are their babysitter between 3-4 hours every day when they get home from school. My wife and I divorced in 2006 and live separately. I am remarried now. The boys come to my house many times a week and every weekend and we fight about video games constantly but I absolutely will not budge on my limit.

As an avid gamer myself, I really encourage all parents to limit video game time to 2-2.5 hours a day but only if they complete a list of assigned tasks. They don't have to be like the ones I used. My tasks at the time were based on increasing their basic reading/writing skills before Kindergarten. It actually worked wonderfully! My 6 year old can read most books for a 2nd grader and my 4 year old is picking up new words daily. The system needs to be changed to focus on more age appropriate skills for my 6 year old though. Don't forget about exercise either. Sending your kids "out to play" is no substitute for a good 2 mile family walk at the beach, river, park, etc..

Remember, above all, give your kids the attention they deserve and play with them every day or you might miss out on some of the best things that ever happen in life.