The Wall

As life goes here at our house, all things seem to fail in time and at times will require an expert's attention.

We live a modest life, within our means that is, the experts aren't even on the radar when a repair is required.

You see, whereas I've done a little of everything for work throughout the years, I seem to think that everything is at least worthy of my sometimes less that perfect talent.

To begin the story, one winter day, my son was on the front lawn and witnessed the town snow plow drive by and make contact with our stone wall, rolling a good portion of it into the ditch.

A call to the road commissioner cleared it all up for me. It wasn't their truck!

Luckily my insurance company refreshed his memory and the wall was at least put back in an acceptable condition.

That next spring, I gave the wall a good look to see what could be done to enhance the wall's ability to endure one more Maine winter until a right repair could be done.

Sadly I saw the beginnings of a serious situation which would demand my immediate attention. Of course like everything in my life, I had a shorter time frame in mind for the completion of the job at hand.

I had suffered a muscle problem with my back the previous fall, and was a bit apprehensive to take on too much too fast, so I started slow.

I saw that many generations of chipmunks had made a home behind the wall. The tailings of their excavation ended up in the wall and the ditch.

I definitely did not want to destroy Alvin, Theodore and Simons' multi generational homestead, but the wall had to be repaired.

The job was starting to take on the look of a major project.

Each day, I'd come home from work and get busy on the wall.

One day led to another and I found myself getting trapped up in the whole experience.

Many people stopped, some curious, others, what I call sexual intellectuals.

Did I have a sign up somewhere that said, "Opinions WELCOME "?

It reminds me of a joke I heard once, but I won't go into that one.

Each day was something new and I saw it to be an overwhelming challenge. You see the lower portion of the wall was comprised of rocks equivalent in size to your kitchen table top and at least a foot thick.

Now I'm thinking of the pyramids and how they might have done it all with weak minds and strong backs.

Out came the crowbars and pipes to roll the rocks into position, which sometimes took several tries to make it all line up and look good.

Each day was labor intensive and putting up with the FREE advice was getting more than my less than tactful nature could handle. Never think that I don't have an answer to, "You want to know what I think? "

Each day brought immediate rewards and a huge sense of accomplishment. Each day also taught me a little more about people in general, especially old working friends. They'd stop at the end of their long day to offer any help that I needed. Class Acts!

I have a vision problem in my right eye, and not wanting to be that guy that didn't acknowledge a wave given, I waved or extended a cordial head nod to EVERY car that went by.

Each night after I came in and cleaned up, I'd grumble about my shoulder hurting, only to be told by my sweetie that if I hadn't waved at all the cars going by that my shoulder wouldn't hurt nearly as much. Ha, Ha! Very funny!

I found that working within a foot or so from the asphalt was a dangerous place to be. People in cars are somehow oblivious to anything ahead of them, especially a foot or so off the hot top.

There were times when I felt the wind off the bumpers of the cars going by, not that I didn't jump into the road shortly after and extend my gratitude for such callous driving skills.

Got to meet some interesting people doing that!

One day someone actually drove over the orange cones that I had put out to protect my life. Oh yeah, I met that guy too! He's probably still talking about me to his friends.

Each evening, after it had gotten dark, I'd wait for a car to come along and use their headlights to check the alignment of my rock placement.

One day this expert came along and told me that I'd never finish this project in one summer. I said,"Really!"

"Say that I don't, I can't imagine that these rocks are going anywhere."

"They'll be here waiting for me in the spring." "They don't rust you know."

Another memorable wizard told me that I didn't have enough rocks to complete my project.

What a joke that was.

This is New England, and if we have anything at all, it's rocks.

I reminded him of that and explained that, "I had 17 acres of rocks and I thought that I'd be just fine, thanks."

Do people take courses in jerkatude?

I do realize a lot of their problems are genetic, you know, the gene pool is shallow and has no lifeguard.

Again, I restrained myself and didn't give that harsh answer that would have sent the sexual intellectual home crying. Thank you very much!

Well as it always does, the cool weather came and the face of the wall was finished. It didn't look all that bad for a rookie's first try.

I often think that I would rather expend my energies doing rewarding manual labor than to spend endless hours on, say, a treadmill at the cool, to be seen at, gym.

The final product ended up being 55 feet long, 5 feet tall, 4ft thick at the bottom and 18in wide at the top.

I know one thing for sure. I will get to meet the next guy that hits my wall.

Would I like to build one for you?

Let me think about it.

No!