The War on Education

If it's not the entitlement programs that are killing America's economy, surely it must be unions. Government employees and teachers are starving out our financial future with their vacations and health plans, or at least that's what the folks right of center would have us believe. Yes, those greedy teachers with their so-called love of education and imparting students with valuable knowledge especially are to blame. After all, they only work until the last bell rings, and they get summer vacations!

You can see it on their smug faces as they drive their KIAs and Hyundai into the exclusive faculty-only parking lots. For God's sake who other than big CEOs really deserve their own parking spaces? Could they be more in love with themselves? Clearly these educators see themselves as a cut above everyone else. They're doing really "important" work they say. I guess to them teaching kids how to read and write is somehow more important than a hedge-fund manager making sure he and his fellow investors make another million or two in the next quarter. Silly teachers.

It's time we declare a war on education and educators. It's time we rise up and tell these glorified babysitters we don't need them teaching our kids about the Civil War or Manifest Destiny. That was all at least fifty or sixty years ago, and nothing that happened in the past is even relevant anymore! Have these teachers ever heard of the iPad? Of course they haven't because the iPad 2 is already out, and so no one even cares about the old iPad.

Don't even get me started on science. Why should we teach the youth of our nation to love and embrace science? What good has really ever come of scientific experiments? I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure Dr. Frankenstein performed scientific experiments and he created a monster. If you ask me, that monster's creation should be blamed directly on Frankenstein's eighth grade science teacher for letting him dissect frogs.

I think everyone understands that we don't need kids learning math skills. After all, I'm writing this, and you're reading this on a computer. Computers do all the math for us now. Try going into Starbucks and ordering a cup of coffee without the kid behind the counter using his computer to input your order and swipe your credit card. Don't computers have artificial intelligence now too? So we don't even need to program them anymore, no need for computer science. Let the robots do the work for us!

We could save ourselves billions by cutting out Physical Education too. Unless they're handing our kids Wii-motes when they walk into the gym, they're irrelevant now. I don't even think we need P.E. anymore. It's not like there's a giant obesity epidemic or anything. I was well out of high school when I started packing on the pounds, and now kids are doing it much, much sooner. Why am I the only one that sees this as progress?

If there is one group of teachers I just cannot stand more than math, science, history and P.E. teachers it's those that teach the arts. Those should be the very first salaries slashed and burned. Kids these days don't need to learn to appreciate or even create art, they need it force-fed to them by Hollywood and reality TV shows. No kid could possibly benefit from learning about William Shakespeare's works. It's not like they're even relevant anymore with that weird pseudo-poetic prose they spoke. Bach and Beethoven are lame-sauce when stacked against Ke$ha, admit. it.

Who's with me? Who's going to help me take up arms against those that would seek to teach our children? I'm sorry, I don't want some stranger doing something for my kid that I wouldn't dare, and using my tax-dollars no less. Education-schmeducation, it's time to spend our money on something much more worthwhile: More tax breaks for corporations and the next multi-billion dollar airplane we'll never use in combat.

If you don't think my argument is compelling, just find yourself a recent graduate from any educational institute. Be it kindergarten, middle school, high school or college, spend five minutes with them and you'll just see the arrogant confidence oozing out of them. Their bulging self-confidence and knowledge will be just bursting at the seams to tell you something that you, as a hard working tax payer know just doesn't matter. Do we really need these institutes of learning churning out more smug know-it-alls? I think not.

Join me, friends.