The Wedding Guest List

Once you have begun to think about your wedding budget, it is time to think about how large a wedding you want. Do you want an intimate party of immediate family and friends, or a roaring fête with everyone you know? Begin to craft a guest list, writing down all the people you want to invite. Every wedding vendor you talk with will ask for an estimated number of guests. While you need only an estimate at this point, you will want to get as close as possible to your actual number of guests so that the vendor's quote is accurate. Figure that twenty to twenty five percent of your invited guests will not be able to make it, and use that as your estimated number of guests.

One of the most challenging parts of wedding planning is figuring out the guest list. There are so many people you would like to invite, others you feel you should invite, and people you remember last minute who must be on the list. Each guest costs you money, from the food to the number of chairs to the thank you gifts. A friend of mine met some distant relatives shortly before her wedding, and invited them. She then wailed to her husband-to-be, "No more new friends before the wedding!" To keep your list down to a gentle roar, designate a few rules and stick to them, like inviting only people you have known for more than five years or not inviting any co-workers. Be discriminating, but include all the people you love and with whom you want to celebrate. Make sure to check with your parents regarding whom they would like to invite if that is appropriate.

Many couples decide to exclude children from their wedding reception, or they hire a sitter to watch children at a pizza party in a nearby but separate location, like another room at your event site. I suggest finding a way to incorporate children into the primary functions, as marriage tells a story about family, and children are an integral part of that story. Teach your nieces and nephews and children's friends what your family is about. Let them participate in the games and dances. Help them to feel important and included. Ritual is how we pass sacred knowledge onto our youth; include youth in your ritual celebration to teach them what it means to grow up into a responsible and thoughtful adult, and to instill in them a sense of belonging.

The size of your wedding guest list influences where you can host your ceremony and reception, and the type of reception you can afford. Once you get an initial list, try to keep as close to that number as possible, because drastic changes in numbers will require a reworking of your entire budget. Keep your list in a computer spreadsheet so you can update easily, adding in contact information and RSVPs. You can also note here the ages of any children attending and special needs like wheelchair access.

You may feel dismayed at how your guest list reduces your magical soiree into a numbers game. Each person will cost you a certain amount in food and drink, favors, and even location rental prices. Our ceremony site charged us $3 per guest, while our caterer charged $14 per person and our beverage prices were estimated at $5 per person for beer and wine or $7 per person for a full bar. I did not want to worry about how much each guest was going to cost. I wanted to invite everyone to my celebration of spiritual union.

However, a wedding is an expensive event and the fact is the budget must be considered. The key is to find balance: Keep your budget in mind but remember the reason for your event. As much as you can, retain a sense of gratitude. Remember that these expenses are not just numbers on a tally sheet, but are for gifts to your community, a way of thanking your loved ones for supporting you. Favors, wine, and food are all gifts to your community. While you must be realistic about what you can afford, never lose site of why you are hosting this party, and why you want all these people to join you.

Your guests witness your transition from single to married and hold the sacred space of love and acceptance in which you marry. Invite people who will honor this privilege. You may decide to have a small intimate gathering with those who will support you unconditionally. If you want to invite more people and you just do not have the funds to cater a large event, host a potluck instead. Your community will be happy to contribute to your special day.

Your wedding guest list is a numbers game, but it is also a living entity that will change and grow over time. Just remember that you are its creator, and you choose where to draw the line. This can be an excellent lesson in creating boundaries and communicating with your future spouse about priorities.