The Weirdest Things I've Done to Stop Eating

I admit I can munch and graze with the best of them. And on a bad day I can nosh to Olympics-caliber levels.

I also admit I feel better if I don't overdo the snacking. Sometimes I can tell myself no, leave it alone. Other times, I've resorted to more unusual measures to get myself to put the utensil down and walk away.

Below are a few examples of tampering with food so I'll leave it alone.

That's not powdered sugar

One time I was eating some sort of junk food and decided I would not finish the bag of whatever it was. (It was probably safe to guess it was cookies or chips, however.)

I dumped the contents into the garbage can, but feared that I'd be tempted by those top, untainted morsels, so I resorted to sabotage.

I distinctly remember looking around for something to make the treats less enticing. (Sadly, being on top of the trash was not enough). And there on the countertop I spotted a container of Comet cleanser. In a flash I sprinkled at least half the contents of the canister on top of the food. I figured that bleachy, powdery scented cleanser would work. It did. I may be out of control sometimes, but I'm not suicidal.

And I had to laugh when I saw the "Sex and the City" episode where Miranda squirts dish soap all over the chocolate cake in the trash to keep herself from munching. That made me realize, at least I wasn't alone. We women can be neurotic as hell about food.

When sharing is not appealing

Another time I was noshing on something that appealed to my cat. Whatever it was, probably cereal or ice cream, the critter was seriously into getting a sample.

Normally I don't give the cat human food, but I was torn. The angel on my shoulder was telling me to stop eating. The devil on my shoulder was telling me to indulge.

A look at those greedy green eyes and I decided my cat could have a sample. Right out of the dish. A few licks from the critter whose tongue serves as its own loofah sponge and toilet paper, and well, I wasn't that hungry anymore. Turns out the cat wasn't that interested in whatever it was either. A few sensible slurps and he was content. He gave me a perfect example of a few bites and you're satisfied, and I didn't learn a damn thing from him.

"I triple-dog-dare you"

Remember the grade school cafeteria dare to fudge up the lunch? Someone always did something like add ketchup to the red JELL-O to gross out his or her peers. It got snickers from classmates and it sparked rumors and innuendo.

I remember in third grade hearing gossip about a kid who allegedly put chocolate milk into the chili mac and when the lunchroom attendant discovered his tampering, he was forced to eat his cafeteria alchemy. I don't know if it was true, but I remember my stomach doing a flip at the thought of that revolting concoction.

I admit I have done that sort of thing on at least one occasion to get myself to stop indulging. One time at a diner I sprinkled tabasco sauce all over the red JELL-O that came with the meal. (You know the diners, where you get dessert with the meal, and it's almost always JELL-O. Because there's always room ... ) I'm not a particular fan of the jiggly stuff, but sometimes it does hit the spot. This time, however, to avoid the temptation, I figured the red flavor (let's call it red, because it definitely doesn't taste like strawberry or cherry) would not work with hot sauce. The tampering worked, since I left it alone, nonetheless. (Is that when you know you're not really hungry?)

There have been other tamperings to avoid temptation, as well, but all in the same ilk. Instead of being sensible and doing portion control or just saying no, I've utilized the house pet, household chemicals and grotesque flavor combinations to keep me from noshing.