The Wild Child

We often are faced with the question, am I correctly addressing my child's disciplinary issues? Throughout history, when disciplining children, there have been many forms of punishment used, including corporal punishment within our schools. The question of the century, what form of punishment is the correct form for me to use when disciplining my child?

The truth is every child can differ from the next. There is no one set disciplinary action that can be used to correctly fit all children. It does not matter where in the world you are from, and it matters even less if the children are all raised in the same household; the main thing to remember when disciplining a child is that they are an individual and should be treated as such.

Having three children myself, I know that there is quite a difference in personality among them, and they are never shy about helping me to remember that. I stepped back for a week, taking note of each child's reaction to certain situations. I took notes on who was a helper in what area, and who needed help in other areas. By keeping a detailed diary of each child as an individual, I was able to recognize their strong points as well as their weak ones. For example, my oldest daughter loves to fold laundry, yet dreads having to bring her clothes to the washer for wash time. I had noticed that my son has no problem getting his clothing to the wash; his weakness is returning the clean ones to his drawers. So I made a compromise, she folds hers and his clothes and puts them away, while he collects the dirty ones and brings them to the washer at wash time. Everyone was still doing the same amount of work, only everyone is now happier with the change, whereas before it was a struggle to get them to help out and do that part of their chores.

After reading Peaceful Parenting, I took a cue from Nancy Buck and decided that a clean bedroom really is not a big issue. Trying to fight with your child is never good, and shows them that you do not have everything under control. Try this quick trick that Nancy Buck offers, just close their door. So long as you do not see it, it will no longer be at the front of your mind as a to-do. By closing the door and not pushing the issue of a messy room, your child has the security that you respect them and their space. This does not mean that you must be dismissive all the time of their untidy room. Compromise with your child; meet them in the middle. For example, tell them that you understand that their room is their space, and that is fine. However, on special occasions when company will be stopping by, let them know that their room needs to be presentable, just as the rest of the house will be. I have learned that there are better things to worry about then whether or not your child has made their bed today. Finding some middle ground between you and your child will relieve a lot of that tension that often builds.

When keeping a recorded diary of your children, you should think about evaluating yourself as well. Try writing down a list of things that you feel is important for your child to be doing. For example, my list had read; cleans up after self, eats food set before them, makes bed, keeps room picked up, and so on-and-so forth. After completing your list, sit back and really think about each item on your list. Is it really that important that it must always be done? When I had taken a look at the issue of a clean room I had asked myself, should it always be clean and appear as though no child has entered there? I had found that my real issue was not cleanliness; rather it was the issue of company coming by and thinking that I was a "dirty person". So to compromise, if their room is untidy, we shut the door, whether they are in it or not. During those holiday times, we clean it up for presentation purposes.

Finding that middle ground is hard, and it takes a lot to admit that perhaps you might be nitpicking about tiny things, the ones that do not really matter. One way to tell if you are being plain old picky or not, is to ask yourself, is it really necessary for their future? Is it life threatening to them? For example, does their room have to always be perfectly clean as an adult? Is it really going to harm them if their bed goes unmade today?

Gathering outside resources are a good ideal too. Finding a book, or a movie on parenting disciplin might be a good option for you. When trying something new with your children, remember that you must be consistent with them. If you are not consistent, they will not get the feeling of importance that your disciplinary action would other wise hold. My suggestion, try your disciplinary action or a change that you might make for two weeks just to see if there might me any use of it. If at the end of two weeks you see no change at all, try a new option for another two weeks and see how things turn out.

There are so many options out there on the market today that offer a wide range of disciplinary actions that a parent could take when dealing with their children. Whether you gather resources from a book checked out from your local library, a rented or bought movie, or another outside source, finding that just right disciplinary action for you child takes time, patients, understanding and consistency.