The Wisdom of Forgiveness

You can't really understand forgiveness and what it costs until you have been given a good reason not to forgive. People can do things that really shouldn't be forgiven. They can do it in a way that shows they don't have a clue as to why they need forgiven. Too often people seem to go merrily on their way seemingly unaffected by what they did and you are left holding the emotional baggage, thinking... "What the heck was that all about... why did this person feel the need to ________ ?" Fill in the blank.

We need to extend forgiveness because we shouldn't be left holding the bag. We need to learn to let those careless acts go. Letting go and forgiving is easier said than done, believe me I know, but forgiveness is worth it. When we do let go it lightens our load and relives us of emotional pain.

Forgiveness costs us. It cost us our comfort zone. I am comfortable living in the past remembering the bad things people have done. Maybe it makes me feel superior to other people. "See how rotten they are?" I smugly think. Maybe it makes me feel important. Maybe I just can't ignore the hurt that is caused me as I remember the incident. I have a friend whose husband asked for a divorce on Christmas day. He told her that is all he wanted for Christmas. I imagine there is never a Christmas where she doesn't remember the pain. There is always the potential for her to relive the pain of that day. All my friend needs to trigger that strong feeling is to have Christmas day roll around again.

Forgiveness costs us facing the pain, but doing it in a new way. We need to see our pain for what it is and choose to let it go. In the midst of our pain we have a need for the supernatural element of prayer. I do not believe we forgive naturally, it is against our nature. We forgive supernaturally, trusting that God will continue to do a good work in us.

Forgiveness costs us our comfort zone because it demands that we look at ourselves and see our part in the situation. It may mean admitting we are wrong too and in need of forgiveness ourselves. It costs us the discomfort of seeking reconciliation whenever possible. Reconciliation isn't always possible, but one needs to be willing to forgive and allow God to work. I remember hearing a good example of what it is like to be willing to reconcile when I was younger and in a recovery group. We were studying the step on making amends. We were told we just needed to be willing to do our part to make things right. Jim, a group member told a story about how he owed money to a friend. He had never intended to pay the person back and as a result of his unwillingness to repay his debt the relationship had ended. Jim as he worked through the steps to recovery became willing to pay his friend back the money he owed. Jim had not seen his friend in years and didn't know where he lived, but he let his sponsor know that he was willing to repay this debt. The next week Jim stopped at a rest stop on I-95 and ran into the friend he owed money. Jim knew immediately that God was at work. Jim told his friends he was in recovery and needed to make amends. Jim had enough money with him to repay the debt and gave the money to his friend, asking for forgiveness. Jim's story is a vivid description of what it is like when we become willing to make amends and allow God to work. We all need this supernatural intercession in our lives when we have lived with unforgiveness too long.

What forgiveness gives us in return is a closer relationship to God and a restored relationship with the other person. We are free from the burden of unforgivness. It is a burden that God doesn't want us to carry. When we forgive we allow God to discipline the person if he continues to sin, while we move on with our lives. If the person we forgive changes his ways because we have forgiven them, we are a witness for the Lord and have turned another person from his sin, a reason to be glad. Nothing good comes from setting ourselves up as judge which is really what we want when we refuse to forgive. We stop the work of the Spirit in our lives and do not allow Him to work in the situation. We give non-believers an inaccurate picture of God too. God sent His only Son to die in our place making a way for our sins to be forgiven. When we refuse to forgive we are saying "this person can't be forgiven." The truth is Jesus made a way for us to be right with God and with others. Our ability to forgive depends on our willingness to live as if we truly believe the gospel and honestly understand the implications of being forgiven ourselves.

If we forgive we set in motion a way for the Spirit of God to work in our lives and in the situation. In our willingness to forgive God also blesses, making any cost on our part pale in the light of His presence in our lives.