The World as I See it Now

Over the years the world around me has changed a great deal. There are times when I wonder if it was the world around me or my perception of it that changed. I suppose that after three husbands, a step daughter and two kids of my own it's extremely possible that I'm the one that has changed instead of my surroundings. The more I thought about it the more I realized there was a number of things that led to the conclusion that the entire world is now and has been in chaos for centuries.

Stay with me a minute and you'll see what I mean. It's as if we're being programed to have certain beliefs about certain items and aspects of our daily lives. We're brought up to believe whatever our parents, grandparents or whomever raised us was brought up to believe. There are times when you know what you believe but you're not sure why you believe it. Taking a closer look at yourself and your beliefs can cause you to question those beliefs. What happens when you realize that what you think you believe and what you actually believe are two different things?

For me it meant reevaluating ever aspect of my life. It was obvious that I didn't really think marriage was supposed to be forever no matter what the circumstances when I filed for my first divorce. While there was once a time when no one got divorced and put up with even the worst of circumstances until the end that's no longer the case. I for one am glad about this change. Actually in my third marriage now I'm rather glad. I do wish that I hadn't had to make so many mistakes along the way to realize this belief.

There are those that don't believe in marriage at all. While it can feel as if you're trapped once you say "I do" it's not the case when you find the right person. With the right person you're willing to work at it each and every day that passes. If you choose to date forever the honeymoon never ends; the longer you're together the more you know that it's your choice. Should you ever decide to leave this dating situation it never actually costs you a great deal unless you have to split an entire house up between you. In this case you just got divorced in a sense. Despite everything I do believe in soul mates. It took a while but it's possible I've finally found mine.

The most important thing in my life is my kids. My daughters are amazing in their own ways. The oldest did everything early is now bored when those around her don't seem to catch on as fast as she does. The baby did everything late and of course I enjoyed every minute of tending to her because she actually needed me. She still does; she has Autism. At first I was devastated, the way these precious children are treated can be horrible. How would you feel if everyone acted as if you were stupid? Well, not everyone does this but a lot of people do. It's rather irritating after all there are millions of people without a diagnosis that lack social skills.

The economy and the fact that household income has been reduced by a great deal make getting the things we need rather difficult. There are dozens of things that I would have once thought I needed that I now do without. A place to get in out of the weather, clean drinking water and food are now top priority. Somehow as I've become more adjusted to the current circumstances everything else seems less important. While nutritional supplements and therapy are a top priority for my youngest child somehow having a nicer car than the neighbors isn't that important anymore.

Actually the more I look at my neighbors that reasons that I don't voluntarily interact with them become clearer to me. Of course that would be a small book within itself, or several since the reasons can all be put into a book of their own. Now there was a time when those around me where simply there and you had to be nice to them no matter what. These were the years that had every moment dictated to me. It did not matter who I wanted to spend time with, the adults decided for me. It's been this way for children for years.

You know maybe I'm the one in chaos and not the world around me. I know my life is rather hectic but I'm not sure how to rearrange it so that it's not anymore. The longer I think about it the more I like the fact that my life is a constant battle for calmness. I like the fact that there is no sense of order in my world even on the most scheduled of days.