The Worst Comic Movies

This was originally going to be a worst ten list, but I only really came up with eight movies that I would consider the worst. It could still be considered a ten list as a couple of these movies are bad enough that they could be counted twice.

8. Blade Trinity (2004)

I have this on the worse list primarily because of the main villain - an ancient vampire called "Drake." "Drake" is apparently meant to be an oh-so-cleaver modern-day allusion to "Dracula." He is portrayed as this honorable vampire warrior, but then he hides behind children and innocents while running away from Blade in one of their early encounters. Hardly an honorable move there, "Drake-ula." This movie also includes what I think is one of the stupider set of lines I've heard exchanged in a film. Drake, apparently developing an affinity for modern-day profanity, asks of Blade, "Are you ready to die, motherf***er?" Blade responds with, "I was born ready." Really, Blade? You were born "ready to die?" That'll strike fear into the heart of your enemy.

I also have a problem with Dominic Purcell's characters' apparent inability to work the buttons on their shirts. Drake and his character on "Prison Break" share this affliction.

Ryan Reynolds, Jessica Biel, and Snipes were good, but not enough to save this movie.

7. Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD (1998)

SHIELD brings Nick Fury (played by David Hasselhoff) in from retirement to defeat evil-acronym group HYDRA. Because somehow Fury is expected to succeed where a super-military-organization like SHIELD failed. Nick Hasselhoff Fury, whose eye-patch can't decide which eye it wants to cover, saves the day and rewards himself by getting plastered and eating a burger off the floor while being filmed by his daughter.

6. The Spirit (2008)

This movie was confusing on a few levels. I didn't know a lot about The Spirit before I saw the movie. I did know, however, that he was essentially an everyman fighting crime. But in the movie, he apparently has a healing factor that makes him almost invincible. Durable enough that the villain thought the only way he could beat him was to cut him into tiny pieces and keep them all separate.

The era in which the movie takes place was a little hard to pin down. Stylistically, it looks like it takes place in the 1930s or so. The behavior of the characters supports this. But then people are using notebook computers, PDA devices, and other things that would establish the era as modern despite the seemingly contradictory physical setting of the movie.

5. The Punisher (1989)

Nothing says 'Punisher' like a Punisher movie that lacks the Punisher emblem. It's like a Superman movie without the iconic S-shield. It's been a long time since I've seen this movie, but I remember it being very disappointing. I also remember the Punisher shooting up a bar using a gun that had an infinite supply of bullets. He just fired away, full auto, for what felt like minutes without pause for reload.

4. Superman III (1983)

Richard Pryor had more screen time than either Clark Kent or Superman individually. If in the 1980s, someone paid to see Richard Pryor, but instead got two hours of Superman standing there, I think they would be disappointed too.

3. Steel (1997)

Shaquille O'Neal should stick to what he does best - like rapping and making free throws. This movie cost an estimated sixteen million dollars to make, but grossed only one million domestically (wikipedia). It was a spectacular financial flop that will make it hard for producers to ever go back to the character and give fans a good Steel adaptation.

2. Catwoman (2004)

Halle Berry is a great actress and did the comic community proud with her role in the X-men­ movies. And fortunately, her role as Storm more than absolves her for her part in Catwoman. This movie was silly, over-the-top, and full of scenes that left me asking, "Did that really just happen?" This Catwoman felt one-dimensional and more effort was put into showing her scurry around in her leather outfit than developing her as a character.

Catwoman won Berry a Razzie Award for worst actress. An award she appeared in person for (something recipients rarely do) and accepted while clutching the Oscar she won for Monsters Ball.

1. Batman & Robin (1997)

The bat-suit had nipples on it. And as if that wasn't bad enough: most of Arnold Schwarzenegger's lines consisted of silly cold-based puns; Chris O'Donnell was less than satisfying as Robin; Alicia Silverstone was even less satisfying as Batgirl... The whole movie was a mess and completely derailed the Batman movie franchise for almost ten years.