The Worst Gifts Ever

A few Christmases ago my husband bought me the worst gifts that a husband could buy a wife. Before I go any further, I have to say, I did ask his permission to share this story, and he said he didn't mind because now he's quite good at giving gifts. I have to agree that he's bought me some of the best gifts ever in the last year or so, and he's losing his reputation as a bad gift giver. But when we were first married five years ago, it was a much different story. His gifts weren't ever terrible, but they weren't great either. That is, until Christmas 2005. That year the presents he bought were truly bad ones.

One of the first gifts I opened was a Mario game for the Game Cube. I'm sure he had good intentions, as it was even rated easy enough for children to play, but I never play video games. I tried to be a good sport and put it in the machine and play with him, but my little Luigi guy just kept getting stuck in the corner and spinning around. The gamers in this world should be tolerant and accept the limitations of their video game challenged loved ones.

Next I opened a coat rack. A regular old coat rack of the type that fall over when you hang a coat up. When I got the courage the next day to ask him why he'd bought me a coat rack, he told me I'd said I wanted a hall tree. I dimly remembered pointing to one of these a few months ago and mentioning that we should get one for the house. But compare that to this and see if you think that's the same thing at all. I asked if we could return it and use the money toward the one with the seat and mirror. That's when I found out he'd bought it at the grocery store.

I actually feel bad for him when I imagine it. He's got two days before Christmas and he realizes that he's got another $30 to spend on my presents while he's picking up candy for the stockings. I can almost feel the panic he experiences as he gazes frantically around him, looking for anything that I might like for Christmas. I could see the strategy of "grab anything that looks remotely like it would please her!" working in certain situations. If he were standing in a yarn store or a book store perhaps. It's certainly not the way to go if you're standing in a grocery store.

To top off the year my gifts came from the grocery store, and I am saving the worst one for last, I opened Dr. Laura's book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. I'm not sure how many wives would tolerate getting a self help book about doing more and taking care of their husbands as their Christmas gift. I actually didn't return that one. I wanted to know if Dr. Laura had any tips on what you feed your husband to get him to put thought into your presents. I read it, and it was actually pretty good. Even though it makes a funny punchline, I guess it was a pretty good gift, since it showed me that criticizing him was not going to inspire him to want to please me.

My husband has actually gotten much better at giving gifts. He's actually one of the best gift givers I know now. At least when it comes to buying for me. Here are things he does that make his gifts a success now. He mixes higher cost items with smaller cost items, so even though we always have a spending limit, there's always more than one thing each to open. He thinks about my interests and buys accordingly. So he may still panic and grab whatever he sees, but he goes to a yarn store first, because he knows I love to knit. He listens while we're shopping and remembers if he sees me looking at something or mentioning that it might be useful.

I'd just like to wish all the husbands and boyfriends out there good luck with your shopping this year. Remember, your girl loves you and she's grateful that she's got you. But it's nice to have tangible evidence that you know us and listen to us. That's why gifts are important to us, they demonstrate that you care, not through money but through little details that mean you pay attention.