The WWE and My Attempt to Be Balanced

There I was, on the couch on New Year's Eve, flipping through the channels, and I came across USA and "Monday Night Raw," a show I haven't watched in almost 10 years. Tonight, the main event caught my eye, Ric Flair vs. Triple H, Flair's career on the line. Of course, USA had ads on for it every few minutes to make sure everyone knew that Flair's legendary career was in jeopardy.

But, it being the WWE, which, the last time I tried to watch it regularly, made me somewhat ill, I forgot about it until roughly 10 after 10 p.m., eastern. I thought, hey, New Year, maybe things will be different, maybe I'll be fair and give Vince and his boys another shot. Besides, it could be the end of an era, I told myself. So, I watched the last hour, and here's what happened...

After the break, there was a video recap of earlier in the night, when the current WWE Champion, Randy Orton, was face to face with Jeff Hardy, his next challenger coming up at the Royal Rumble. When Orton's face to face with someone, they're usually getting RKO'd, and, sure enough, Randy tried the move (a Diamond Cutter, basically, where he jumps up, grabs the head over his shoulder, and drives the lucky guy face-first to the mat while falling to the mat), but Jeff was ready, and hit him with his move, the Twist of Fate (see above, starting from a front facelock).

JEFF HARDY VS. SANTINO MORELLI

Morelli, from another little snippet I caught earlier in the year, snuck out of a crowd in Italy to answer an open challenge from Umaga when he was Intercontinental champion, and, with help from Bobby Lashley, defeated the Samoan Bulldog for the title. Now, he's apparently an opera buff, coming out with overwrought aria music, a shapely escort, and wrestler Carlito trying to get into her pants on the down low. Hardy is the current Intercontinental champ, and is, apparently, on a big roll, as that's all announcers Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are talking about. Hardy and Morelli lockup to start, and not much else happens until Hardy gets rolling, starting with a sweet twisting kick to Morelli's face after Santino caught his attempt at a front kick. Jeff did that with the ground foot, making it all the more impressive. He follows this up with a slingshot dropkick in the corner, Morelli down on the mat, catching both of Hardy's feet HARD to the face as he slings out and back. Ouch! Jeff sets him up to go for the Swanton Bomb (top rope rolling splash), but there's that cad Orton on the screen. He's got Matt, Jeff's brother, who had an emergency appendectomy a few weeks previous, and that's where Randy just kicked the guy. And that's not the only place, he says, as he tries to kick Matt's head for distance in a wicked looking spot. Um, yeah, the match is over, since Jeff runs off to check on his brother. E

They come back from break, Ross has his serious tone on, talking about the attack on Matt and how low Orton will sink to keep his title. And then, to the back, where Ric Flair and Triple H are having a heart to heart. They took four minutes to basically say the following:
Triple H: You don't really think you'll beat me, since you're older than dirt, with all due
respect, sir.

Flair: I'm not the man I once was, but I've got enough to beat you tonight, so be the best
you can be, and I'll still be your buddy after, no matter what. Wooooo!

And a break again. There's an exciting segment.

TRIPLE H VS. RIC FLAIR

Ross is really trying to drive home this "once-in-a-lifetime" thing, even going so far as to compare the tears in his eyes to Lawler's goosebumps. Oh-kay. Look, I understand history, Flair is, quite possibly, the best there's ever been. He's had classics with the best in the industry (Terry Funk, Sting, Ricky Steamboat) and taken mediocre talents (Vader, Lex Luger, plenty of others) to heights they'd never get to in a million years without him, but the man should've retired 10 YEARS AGO at least. So, if he doesn't lose, especially to the guy who's got Vince by the jewels if you believe the scuttlebutt, there's a big problem. The crowd pops huge for Ric's entrance, but it's Greensboro, North Carolina, basically his hometown, so that's no surprise. Lock-up to start, no, Flair takes his hands away, slicks back his hair, struts pathetically, and screams, "Woooo!," and Pavlov gets his answer from the crowd. Now we start, and H cinches in a headlock, now a hammerlock, Flair reverses it, then grabs the headlock and takes H to the mat. H gets up, pushes Ric off to the ropes, but he grabs the top rope to stop the rebound, and does some more strutting. The man is now officially a cartoon, can we call it a career, Ric? Although, for being Jesus' wrestling coach, Flair still looks to be in decent shape. Flair whips H across, and H plows him over with a shoulder on the return. Flair stuggles to his feet, H gives him time, now a lockup, another headlock by H, Flair pushes him off, and H destroys him with the shoulder again. H to the ropes, Flair drops under, nice armdrag by Flair on the return, they get to their feet, BIG chop like it was 1987, and now some more stalling. On the next lockup, H pushes Flair to the near corner, gives him a reluctant clean break. Now, Flair grabs a lockup, and pushes H into the corner. The Dirtiest Player in the Game gives H a clean break, but makes the mistake of giving a Woooo, and H punches the old man down, to the chagrin of the crowd, then does it again to be a jerk. H has Flair back in the corner, right, right, right, here comes Flair, chop, right by H, chop, right by H, chop, chop, chop, the usual Flair comeback. H stops the trip down memory lane with a back elbow. Now a "Harley Race kneedrop" (Ross's call) by H, and why not, let's drop another one, shall we? Flair stumbles weakly to the corner. H grabs him by the neck and rams his head into the opposite buckle, and we repeat the same sequence as before. Now to the middle, where Flair whips him across and makes the rookie mistake of setting too early, and H gives him a knee facebuster, which Flair can't properly sell anymore, and looked horrible as a result. More punching from H in the corner, and I long for Rellik vs. Rhino from a few weeks back on Impact, that's how sad this is. A verrrrry slllllooooowwww neckbreaker that Flair still can't sell gets two. Now H whips him, and Flair takes a week to plant his face on the second buckle in the far corner. Flair comes back with a chop, heck, read the previous, and you get the idea. Flair tries a whip, H reverses, and there's a spinebuster, which Ric, again, doesn't take well. For cryin' out loud, save us the pain of watching a legend fall apart and Pedigree him already, H. Ah, he's trying it. Dang, Flair gets out of it, reverses to a rollup, gets two, H gets up and stomps Flair for the impudence. Whip to near side, there's a sleeper by H, Flair drops to a knee, and Ross being waxing rhapsodic on the end of Flair's great career, so, of course, Flair comes back, which he does with a decent belly-to-back suplex, and the crowd's behind their hero. Both men are down for some stalling, and the ref counts along. He gets to five, H is first to his feet, and to the slugging yet again, H is down on his knees, and Flair chops the snot out of him! Now THAT was nice. Flair busts out the butterfly suplex (double underhooks the arms and picks him up and over to the side, onto his back, since no one uses that move anymore)! Now to the corner, Flair's turning H's pecs to rare meat with chops, whip is reversed, Flair catches the charging H in the far corner with a back elbow. He's GOING TO THE TOP? There's H to toss him, Flair fights out and hits the forearm off the top. Now some lame strutting, Flair to the ropes, and a kneedrop with no lift. H is up, selling like hell for his idol, holding his head, and there's a chopblock, and another by Flair. NOW WE GO TO...nope, H kicked him off before he could finish the figure four, and again Flair takes a moon to get to the corner. H slaps on a sleeper, and Flair counters with the Patented Knee Breaker and NOW WE GO TO SCHOOL! H stays in the figure four a long time, selling the pain despite the huge gap between Flair's legs and his. What a pro. The crowd even buys it, popping like it's, well, a long time ago. The pain drives H to the mat, two count, he fights up, tries to Hulk out, and he gets to the ropes. Not a bad sequence, considering what they had to work with. H gets to his feet, sells the knee injury for a second, then forgets it to Pedigree Flair, which, again, looked terrible. H can't cover because of the pain in his knee that suddenly returned, and SOMEONE RUNS IN AND PUNCHES FLAIR WITH BRASS KNUCKS? And the bell rings? It's William Regal, huh? Because of losing this match, H is now out of the Royal Rumble match. Hmmmm. D-

After the match, H doesn't even have the decency to destroy Flair just because, embracing him instead.

Um, yeah, I haven't missed much in the last few years, have I? As much as I wish it could be someone else taking his career instead of the Ego, Flair should've bowed out. He looks terrible, can't sell anymore, and can't even do a decent figure four, his bread and butter for 30-plus years. TNA, I'll never...OK, strike that, I'll try not to complain about all the talking from here on in. You guys are wrestling circles around the WWE.