The Zombies

They have incredibly bad timing; I was planning on reading a new book I'd just purchased, pouring a glass of a deep red cabernet, and maybe even having a bit of cheese and crackers. There's a new variety of sheep cheese at the deli, and I'm always a sucker for a good cheese.

But now with the zombies.

What a bitch. I wish there was a way to just get rid of them all completely. But everyone I've mentioned that idea to agrees that it's impractical and really heartless. After all, a zombie was once a human. A zombie once cared about not hurting others, had a family and friends, and was usually a contributing member of society. So, to just arbitrarily get rid of them all - no that would be too cruel.

To be honest with you, I don't really mind them that much most of the time. It's when they start trying to suck the life out of me that they really become annoying. They're never satisfied, have you noticed that? You could give them your entire brain, become one of them, and they would still never be happy. I always see them fighting amongst themselves; nothing is ever good enough.

My best friend became a zombie, so I feel that I can speak with some authority on this subject. She was cute, funny, actually quite intelligent once you got past her little girl act, and always my favorite source of gossip. But then suddenly one day - boom! I lost her. It was one of those zombie varieties where they were able to keep their grossest zombie tendencies hidden carefully until they were just close enough to move in for the kill. If she hadn't been so depressed at the time, I think she would have seen through its whole scheme.

I tried to warn her; I'm not a jerk. I tried to point out to her the vacant stare in the eyes, the lack of energy, the way it ate anything it got its hands on. It was never motivated to be anything other than what it already was; content to just take up precious space, never moving beyond its zombie nature. But she wouldn't listen and now look at her: just like the rest of them, the life is gone and yet she never dies. She's just there.

Oh great, now they're surrounding the house. The phone is ringing, but I know damn well if I answer it, it will just be one of them trying to fake me out.

I know what you're thinking, since this is how most people handle these creatures. Why don't I just ignore them? Just don't open the door, don't answer the phone, keep the windows nailed shut - and eventually they'll get bored or frustrated and move on to other prey. But is that really the right way to handle it? I mean, if I just push them towards other weaker prey , I'm dooming someone else. Maybe this person would be a friend, or a family member, or even a stranger who never did anything bad to anyone, but was in a more vulnerable position than me at this time.

Oh, it's a quandary alright.

This is making me tired. Here I was, all set for a nice relaxing evening, my gourmet cheese beckoning, and I'm sitting around agonizing over what to do about the stupid zombies. Why should I worry about it? It's not my problem. I should just ignore them. I didn't ask them to come out and suck the life out of everything, so who the hell cares?

I would feel a little better if they would quit banging on the side of the house though; I still can't get completely used to that. I know - I'll just put my headphones on with some loud music, maybe have the whole damn bottle of wine, and forget all about it.

Yeah - I think that's the best idea for now. I can always decide later, or tomorrow, or whenever on a better plan. No point in getting too worked up about it - this way is much easier. I'll just lie here.