The Zombie's Survival Guide

Countless movies and books have come forth, which portray the zombie. These movies give humans a look at how zombies function. Books have come about how to successfully protect yourself from the zombie. But what of this undead entity? Where can it turn to gain some useful knowledge for survival? I have detailed here helpful hints for zombies and future zombies to heed. This is the Zombie's Survival Guide.

Diet. For zombies finding brain to consume can be difficult. This delicacy is quite limited. I recommend befriending a few important people to keep you in supply of brain. Pathologists and Medical Examiners seem to have an unlimited flow of brains. Let them weigh and measure the brain as they are apt to do, and then you are free to indulge. In these cases I strongly recommend salt and pepper. For those picky eaters who like warm, fresher brains (and who can blame you) keep in touch with those who work for nursing homes, ERs, and ambulance companies. In return of the promise not to eat their pink matter they will let you know when fresh flesh has become available.

Skincare. Zombies do not seem to give enough attention to their skin. Being undead comes with many issues, and decaying skin is one of them. Moist and supple skin will not deteriorate as quickly. Just ask Dame Judi Dench. You can retain that human look for months after your rebirth if you use a daily moisturizing regimen. Along with skin care products drink a lot of water. This water will help with keeping supple skin. If you will be in the daylight I recommend sun block.
Another facet of skincare has to do with flies. Under no circumstance let flies lay eggs on you. This will just become a nuisance. Keep your skin clean and bug free.

Smell. Just because you are decaying flesh does not mean you need to smell of it. This will greatly hinder your attempt to befriend humans with a supply of brains. Use a deodorizing soap along with cologne or perfume. Everyone appreciates a fresh scent.

Fitness. We have all witnessed those sluggish zombies who lumber after their prey. Do not let this become you. Work out and keep fit. In the event that your insatiable hunger for brains overcomes the amount easily available you will need to chase it. Join a gym and keep in shape. A hungry zombie equals a grumpy zombie.

Mental health. Being dead doesn't mean you can revert to infantile ways. Remain your sense of composure. Do not let this small matter of being dead and feared stop you from learning. Retain all you knew in life. Try taking a night course. This will better help in your quest for flesh.

Manners. No one likes a rude zombie. When you eat, try and stay neat. Do not spray blood everywhere. Use a fork and knife. You are dead, not a slob! Do not mumble when you speak. Keep your head up and do not slouch.

Housing. Your grave is not a suitable accommodation. It is usually far from humanity, and not very lively. Try and find a few fellow zombies to share an apartment. This will greatly help your social life. Stay in a city where you will blend in better.

Being a zombie comes with it's own set of problems. Face them head on. Do not shy away from your new status as undead. Embrace this unlife and enjoy it for all eternity.