The Zoo

This is a story about a prestigious office known as "The Zoo." Employees at the zoo consist of pigs, monkeys but the Zoo is mainly staffed and supervised by hens. One day two spring chickens are hired as assistants at the Zoo.

The first month at the Zoo, the hens welcome the two young and ambitious chickens into the office, wish them good luck, and give them all kinds of helpful advice-which salad bar made the best salads, who in the zoo to stay away from-particularly the monkeys and the pigs, because they actually came to work to work. However, the most important rule to remember if one wanted to get ahead was to keep the Senior Hens happy at all costs. Even if it meant you had to lie or degrade yourself- for example- you agreed with them on everything-whether they were right or wrong and you compromised your goals and beliefs to fit in and get ahead.

For the next few weeks the chickens followed the rules and did as they were told. No feathers were ruffled for a while until the Spring Chickens begin to notice a change in the behavior of the hens. They weren't as friendly as they used to be. No more smiles, or greetings in the morning, and they would only speak to the Spring Chickens if they felt like it, which was hardly ever. The Spring Chickens noticed that the hens would make it a habit to gather in groups just outside of the Chicken's cubes to squawk and giggle amongst themselves. The Spring Chickens took it personally because they felt as though they were the targets of the joke.

Spring chicken 1 and Spring chicken 2 commiserate together and form an alliance. They become as thick as thieves and become each others strength. They learn to toughen their feathers and brush off the hens' obnoxious behavior. After all, they came to the Zoo to work, not make friends.

One day they decide they will eat their lunch together in the conference room. This is a bold step for the Chickens to take because the conference room was known hen territory and the hens have made it known to the chickens that they have not yet earned their stripes (well, in this case-feathers).

"C'mon, stop being chicken," says Spring Chicken 2. We work here and we're entitled to eat in the conference room just like any hen, monkey or pig who works here.

Spring Chicken 1 reluctantly agrees and she and Spring Chicken 2 approach the conference room where, sure enough the rest of the hens are eating their salads and clucking it up about some big emergency project the monkeys got suckered into completing by the end of the week. The hens were supposed to have done it, but when Head Turkey came around to assign it, none of the Senior Hens were around. In fact, they heard rumors of this supposed "emergency" and anticipated the project being handed to them so they all made sure they were out that week. It didn't hurt either, that the Senior Hens only worked three days out of the week so the odds of them ever being around to be handed an assignment were slim to none.

The Chickens immediately regret their decision to eat lunch in the conference room and are about to leave when to Spring Chicken 1's surprise, they are called back by one of the hens. One of the deputy hens even makes room for them. Both spring chickens take a seat. They cluck, and cluck, sharing jokes, (mostly at the expense of those "stupid pigs" and "cheeky monkeys") tasting one another's salads and dissing last night's American Idol contestants. The hens unanimously agreed on who sucked and should have been voted off. Even though Spring Chickens 1 and 2 felt otherwise, they agreed with the hens.

"I told you it was only a matter of time," whispered Spring Chicken 2 to Spring Chicken 1 excitedly. "We're movin' on up! I can't wait for lunch tomorrow! I found a spicy new salad dressing I want Senior Hen to try. I think she'll love it!" Finally lunch is over and the chickens fly out of the conference room with confidence and hope for a prosperous future at the Zoo.

The next morning Senior Hen, was walking by Spring Chicken 1's cubicle on her way to her own office. Senior Hen was the authority in their department. She looked and acted the part. Her head was always held high, her beak scraping the ceiling. Wherever she went, she puffed her chest out and flapped her feathers to make it clear that she wasn't just some dumb bird, especially when she wanted to appear important and hard-working. She was the Head Hen in Charge.

Encouraged by yesterday's festivities, Spring Chicken 1 belted out a hearty "Good Morning!" Senior Hen did not respond. Instead, she stared at Spring Chicken 1 with a puzzled look on her face. It was as though she had no idea who Spring Chicken 1 was, even though yesterday afternoon they sat side by side and shared garlic knots. Senior Hen flew past Spring Chicken 1 without so much as a second glance. Spring chicken 1 was embarrassed and heartbroken. It was like that for the rest of the day. All of the hens passed by her desk without as much as a smile. It just didn't make sense.

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When it came time for lunch, Spring Chicken 2 was anxious to have lunch in the conference room again. She asked spring chicken 1 to join her.

Spring Chicken 1 relayed the earlier events of the morning and made it clear to Spring Chicken 2 that she refused to eat with fickle birds. Spring chicken 2 told her she was too sensitive and to lighten up. She told spring chicken 1 that she had heard talk from some of the other hens that Senior Hen had been screamed at by the Head Turkey for some undisclosed reason. There was buzz that the job that they thought they had gotten out of was being reassigned to her effective immediately. It turns out that Senior Hen would have to do some work. No more long lunches and early evenings clucking it up.

"Don't take it personal, my chicken. Senior Hen was just in a bad mood."

"So what are the other hens' excuses?" They had all walked by her cube and passed her like she was invisible.

Spring Chicken 2 shrugged it off. "They must have been in a bad mood because Senior Hen was in a bad mood. It's called being a team-player."

Weeks passed and it was more of the same with the hens-they were hot and cold with the two new chickens. The only time the hens were nice to Spring Chicken 1 was when they wanted the chickens to do menial work like making photocopies, or picking up files.

That didn't bother Spring Chicken 2. She was determined to make it as a hen. She had visions of one day becoming Head Turkey. She was oblivious to the cold, demeaning and fickle ways of the hens. She continued to eat lunch with them, even though she constantly complained to Spring Chicken 1 that she suspected that she was the target of their cruel jokes and innuendos. Spring Chicken 1 knew that she was. One day while Spring Chicken 1 was in the bathroom, she had heard a few of the hens complain about how ditzy she was and they couldn't stand it that she talked so much.

Spring Chicken 2 didn't care. She sucked it up and kept on kissing hen butt, which ironically proved fruitful. Her tenacity and strong desire to please was quickly moving her up the ranks. The hens welcomed her into their exclusive coop-even if only for comic relief. Spring Chicken 1 watched from the sidelines. Even though she and Spring Chicken 2 never stopped speaking-things weren't the same. She was a hen now and hanging out with Spring Chickens was frowned upon. The hens made it clear that she wasn't welcome among the hens, and if Spring Chicken 2 fraternized with her, then she was ostracized by the hens as well. It didn't matter to Spring Chicken 1 because she had integrity. She wasn't going to sell her soul to gain favor with the devil-or in this case, the hens.

One day, Spring Chicken 2 asked Spring chicken 1 to come into her office. (Now that she was a hen, she had her own office.)

"I have a gift for the coop, she said, flapping her feathers and clucking back and forth, barely able to contain herself.

"What is it?" Spring Chicken 1 asked, pitying Spring Chicken 2's pathetic desire to please, but truth be told, Spring Chicken 1 envied her in some ways. She wanted to belong. She wanted to have something to aspire to and more importantly, she wanted her own office.

"A microwave and a refrigerator!" Spring Chicken 2 exclaimed. "During lunch yesterday, Deputy Hen mentioned to Senior Hen that it would be nice if we had a microwave on our side of the coop, like the monkeys have. It's such an inconvenience to walk all the way down the corridor to use that old stinky microwave. Besides, the monkeys were just plain rude to them. They didn't like the hens using their microwave.

"Well, it just so happens my brother's coming home from college this weekend and he no longer needs his microwave and fridge. My mother's bringing it here from New Jersey tomorrow. Senior Hen thought it was a great idea. You should have seen how happy she was! I know she hated using the monkey's microwave."

"Gee, that's awful nice of you, said Spring Chicken 2 with just a hint of sarcasm. I'm sure the hens will appreciate it." She checked her watch. It was 12:57. Yesterday she promised some of the junior hens she'd have lunch with them. She was lonely and needed an entourage of her own.

She was supposed to meet the Junior Hens at 1:00 by the elevators. Yet when she went to the elevator bank to meet them, they were nowhere to be found.

The Junior Hens were support staff to the Senior Hens. They had their own little coop. Spring Chicken 2 felt that perhaps this was where she belonged. She had nothing to prove to anyone, and even though the Junior Hens were cliquey, they were less elitist. Spring Chicken 2 checked her watch again. It was 1:15. They wouldn't have left with out her would they? They couldn't have. That would be cruel, and besides, it wasn't like she suggested the lunch-they did.

While Spring Chicken 2 paced back and forth pondering her next move, two of the Senior Hens happened to be on their way out to lunch, and they approached her.

"Your peeps said they'd meet you at the restaurant. They said you knew where."

"Yeah, I do," Spring Chicken Number #1 lied. She racked her brain trying to remember the name of the restaurant they suggested. They only mentioned it once. Plans hadn't even been finalized. All she remembered was that it started with an M.

"Thanks," she said and sheepishly followed them onto the elevator.

When the elevator came, they all got on. It was an awkward ride as they rode down to the lobby in silence. Spring chicken 1 and the hens did not dare speak to each other. When they left the elevator, she overheard them talking about what they would eat for lunch.

"I'm in the mood for pizza," said Senior Hen #1. Senior Hen #2 nodded in agreement.

"Pizza does sound good. I've been craving it all week. Let's go to Metro."

Ahhh!!! Metro. That was the name of the restaurant. Spring chicken 1 breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

When she arrived at the restaurant, the four junior hens were already seated. They noticed her entering the restaurant and waved her over.

"What happened?" They asked. "We were waiting for you."

"I was there," said a baffled Spring Chicken Number 1. "You said 1:00."

"Ooops, our bad said the Junior Hen in charge as she pulled out the chair beside her. "Sit down."

Spring Chicken 1 took a seat next to Junior Hen 3.

"Welcome to the coop. How do you like it so far?" Junior Hen 2 asked.

"It's great." Spring Chicken 1 lied again. She heeded the warning given to her by the monkeys last week when she went to heat up her soup for lunch. After she was slighted by Senior Hen and the rest of the coop she decided to venture into their territory to find out why they kept to themselves. They told her how difficult it was to get anything done with hens. They were constantly power-tripping and trying to out-smart one another. They played the monkeys and the pigs against one another for their own gain. They said nasty things about one another but would still smile and eat lunch together as though they were best friends. They would sell out their own mothers if it guaranteed a profitable outcome. That made them dangerous.

"Everyone's friendly and helpful..." She continued, remembering that the hens should not be trusted.

All the junior hens smiled. It was a smile as sweet as sour milk.

Junior Hen 2 poked Junior Hen in Charge. She pointed to the Senior Hens who just walked into the restaurant.

"You think they saw us?" Junior Hen 4 asked, ducking her head.

"Who cares? Junior Hen 2 scoffed. We can eat wherever we want. They don't own this place."

"So...what's up with your friend? Junior Hen 3 asked, cutting to the chase. Junior Hen 3 was glamorous in her designer shades and big blingy rings. Spring chicken 1 wondered how she could afford it on the coop salary. She knew that Junior Hen 3 was quite friendly with some of the Senior Monkeys (who were making a whole lot of dough) and wondered if one of them had bought her that ring. She was second in charge after Junior Hen 1, and that was only because Junior Hen in charge was bigger and louder than she was. "What do you mean?" Spring Chicken 1 asked, confused.

We noticed that since she's become a hen she's been pushing you around."

Spring Chicken stared at Junior Hen 3 as though she had two beaks.

"We don't like the way you go out of your way to do stuff for her that she should be doing herself.

"Oh, you're mistaken," said Spring chicken 1. "She doesn't order me around, I do most of that stuff as a favor. She's my friend. We started out together so it's cool. She's not a real hen. "

"You're helping her, she's not helping you," quipped Junior Hen 2. She's lazy and she doesn't do any work. It's common knowledge around the coop. You better let her know who's in charge and let her know quickly before things spiral out of control."

All the junior hens nod in agreement.

"Don't let her take advantage of you," warned Junior Hen 3. This shocked Spring Chicken 1.

"She's a prima donna. She swears she's a princess or something-the way she always talks about her fairy-tale wedding and that husband of hers, like anyone cares. How can she possibly do any work when she spends all her time primping herself in front of that mirror.

"She acts like she's your friend, but she's manipulating you to do her work," Junior Hen 4 chimed in.

Spring Chicken 1 was astonished by all the time the Junior Hens spent analyzing Spring Chicken 2.

"And what's with her stupid diet," exclaimed Junior Hen 2. "We're all on diets, but gimme a break! No one's that picky."

"She's not on a diet. She's allergic to flour. If she ingests it, it could kill her."

All the hens were silent. "

Whatever," said Junior Hen in charge, waving her hand to dismiss the claim. Junior Hen in Charge-was the fattest hen in the coop. She always claimed to be on a diet, but she was always eating. Very rarely were they fruits or vegetables.

"You know that request you wrote and delivered to the monkeys this morning?

Spring Chicken 1 nodded. The monkeys weren't too happy to receive it either. They had to take it directly to the Head Turkey, who hated the monkeys and was prone to arbitrarily deny them any request.

Junior Hen in charge smiled smugly. "You see, she's got you already. Spring Chicken 2 is supposed to hand deliver time sensitive requests like that to the Monkeys for approval before it goes to Head Turkey. She knew that, but she didn't want the monkeys flipping on her, so she sent you."

"It's just a friendly warning Spring Chicken 1," said Junior Hen Number 2 noticing Spring Chicken 1's crest fallen face. She placed a protective wing around her shoulder. "We all like you and we want you to make it here. Just don't forget your place."

"Yeah," clucked the hens simultaneously. "We like you." They all smiled the sour-milk smile again.

Spring chicken 1 mulled it over. It was true that Spring Chicken Number 2 had never asked her to do menial tasks before, especially delivering requests to the monkeys. Everyone hated delivering requests to the monkeys. They were less than friendly. The Monkeys believed the hens were shiftless, lazy and somewhat vain. They hens thought the monkeys smelled funky. There was no love lost between them.

"Maybe you're right," said Spring Chicken Number 1. I have noticed that she's been a little more demanding than usual."

"Of course we're right," says Junior Hen in Charge. We've been working in this Zoo a long time. She's on her way to becoming a Senior Hen. But don't worry. You're one of us. We've got your back!"

The waiter comes back to the table to take their order. Spring Chicken Number 1 orders a salad. The hens order steak.

The next day, when Spring Chicken 1 arrived at work, the microwave and the refrigerator were in the vacant cubicle as promised. Spring Chicken#1 was quite happy that she didn't have to pass the pigs in the zoo to heat up her coffee in their microwave. They didn't like the hens using it.

"Isn't it great?" Spring Chicken 2 exclaimed, peeking her head out of her office.

"It's pretty awesome. Good job spring chicken 2. I guess you're in now."

Spring Chicken 2 smiled, and clucked beating her feathers against her chest. She was feeling quite proud of herself and couldn't wait for Senior Hen to pat her on the back.

Spring Chicken 1 returned to her cube with her warmed coffee and was beginning to prepare herself for the days duties when she heard a terrible shriek.

"SPRING CHICKEN NUMBER 2 I NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU AT ONCE!"

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"Who gave you permission to put this monstrosity here?" Senior Hen was livid.

"You did. You said it was a good idea. Remember when you made that comment about the pig's microwave-"

Senior Hen raised a hand up to stop her.

"It's unprofessional to have a kitchen in the middle of an office. Not to mention the noxious fumes that will infiltrate our work space."

"It isn't any less professional than that gigantic workout ball protruding from the cube in the corner," Spring Chicken 2 shot back. "Like any of you work out anyway," she said under her breath.

"Watch your tone chicken," crowed Senior Hen, puffing her chest out. "Don't get upset about it; just get it out of here."

"I'm not upset about it, but you gave me permission. If you hadn't, I wouldn't have had my mother bring it all the way from Jersey," Spring Chicken 2 responded with a pout.

"How dare you accuse me of lying? I would never authorize something like this. You must have misunderstood me. This is not a kitchen. It's an office."

"No, it's not." Spring Chicken overheard the whole thing. "It's a zoo."

"That's the last time I ever do anything nice for this coop!" Spring chicken 2 cried, spun on her heels, ran into her office and slammed the door. All the hens of the office, junior and senior alike agreed that the coop was no place for a fridge and a microwave even though they had all agreed with Senior Hen in the conference room the other day that it would be a good idea. They all hated using the pig microwave.

Each hen walked by the fridge and microwave, clicking and clucking, shaking their heads in disgust.

"I want that fridge and microwave removed by the end of the day!" exclaimed the Senior Hen, as she spun on her heels and flew down the corridor into her office. All the hens followed murmuring about the audacity of Spring Chicken 2 to think she owned the coop. How could she not know it would be inappropriate?

Spring Chicken 1 felt bad for Spring Chicken 2. It was unfortunate. Not a single hen or chicken came to her defense, even though they knew that having a microwave and fridge close by was a blessing and that they knew that they all wanted it.

Later that evening, Spring Chicken 1 helped a tearful Spring Chicken 2 push the microwave and the fridge into her office.

"I just don't understand those hens," she sniffed. "They all agreed that it would be a good idea. They know we need a microwave in the coop. They all wanted it. It's the Senior Hen. I know she hates me. I can tell by the way she looks at me. I think it's because I corrected her when we were conferencing a client. She reprimanded me and since then she's never been nice to me. I'm always trying to make up for it, and do nice things for the coop but it backfires. I can't believe Senior Hen lied like that. Now, all the hens are so cold and mean. Yesterday when I approached Deputy Hen at the elevator she acted like she didn't know me and she owes me five bucks!" Whenever I think I've broken through I realize I'm just another Chicken nobody. No offense," she said to Spring Chicken 1

"None taken."

The very next day at around 2:00 pm after Spring Chicken 2 had gone to lunch, Junior Hen in charge peeked into her office with a conspicuous looking package under her arm. Spring chicken 1 pretended not to notice.

"Oh heeeey," said Junior Hen in Charge, her voice dripping with honey. "I was looking for spring chicken 2. Do you know where she is?"

"No," Spring chicken 1 said without taking her eyes off of her computer screen. "I think she went to lunch."

"That's a shame what happened yesterday with Senior Hen. Senior Hen really is a piece of work. She did o.k. the whole microwave/fridge thing. She does that all the time. That was really mean. Remember what I told you-you have to watch these hens. They'll turn on you in a second."

"I'll keep that in mind," said Spring Chicken 1, typing away. Junior Hen in charge removed the package from under her arm. She began to unwrap it. It was a microwaveable Lean Cuisine.

"Do you think she'll mind?" Junior Hen in charge asked gingerly. "The microwave in the monkey room is broken."

Spring chicken 1 shrugged.

Junior Hen in charge became indignant. "Look, it's not our fault Senior Hen chose to flap her wings like that. It's not fair that the whole office should suffer because she wants to power trip all of a sudden," she exclaimed, popping her food in the microwave.

Spring Chicken 1 nodded in sympathy.

Junior Hen began punching the time on the microwave when Spring Chicken 2 returned from lunch.

"Oh, hey," chirped Spring Chicken 2."

"Sorry about the fridge and microwave, we all wanted it. I can't believe Senior Hen reacted like that."

"Yeah, I know, said Spring Chicken 2. I was thinking, maybe since you've been here longer, and you have a good rapport with the hens, maybe you can let them know how badly this coop needs a microwave. Maybe Senior Hen will change her mind."

The microwave beeped and Junior Hen in Charge removed her Lean Cuisine.

"Good idea," said Junior Hen in Charge. "I'll talk to the other hens and see what we can do. Maybe if we all say something. Thanks so much Spring Chicken 2!" Junior Hen in Charge left her office with her steaming hot food in hand.

Weeks passed and not a word was said about moving the fridge and the microwave out into the coop for all the chickens and hens to use. Meanwhile Spring Chicken 2 was suffering in silence as a result of all the noxious fumes which lingered from all the different types of food being heated up by every single hen in the office. Many of the hens and chickens in the office had tried to be slick and only used the fridge and microwave while Spring Chicken 2 was out of the office so that they didn't have to confront her about their "chicken" ways. They only felt the need to talk to Spring Chicken 1 if they needed Spring Chicken 2's microwave. Usually, they would ignore her.

One day, Deputy Hen skulked around Spring Chicken 2's office with a rather large Tupperware bowl in her hand. She noticed Spring Chicken 1 typing and smiling.

"Do you know where Spring Chicken 2 is?"

"She's out sick today. She's having some kind of test done."

"Do you think she'd mind if...?" asked Deputy Hen. She popped her Tupperware inside the Microwave and began to heat up her food before Spring Chicken 1 could answer.

"It's terrible that she's so sickly. What is that thing she has?"

"She's a celiac. She's allergic to gluten, so she can't eat-"

"Oh...that's too bad, she said, cutting her off. Is she coming in tomorrow?"

Spring Chicken 1 was about to respond, but was assaulted by obnoxious fumes emanating from Spring Chicken 2's office. The plate she removed from the microwave with the brown gooey mess heaped upon it looked exactly as it smelled.

Deputy Hen nodded curtly and flittered away as quickly as she came.

***********************************************************************

Today was a big day for Spring Chicken 2. She was to deliver a report on the increasing tension between hens, chickens, pigs and dogs in the corporate world in the conference room at 2:00 pm. The night before Spring Chicken 2 requested Spring Chicken 1's help with the presentation. Spring Chicken 1 didn't mind helping out, but she couldn't help but think about what the Junior Hens told her. Not to mention that it was way after quitting time and Spring Chicken 2 knew weeks ago that the report was due today. Spring Chicken 1 was slightly annoyed because whenever SPRING CHICKEN 1 would be working diligently at her cube, she heard SPRING CHICKEN 2 on the phone making dinner plans and such with her husband. So, SPRING CHICKEN 1 refused to help. She was asserting herself, and it felt good.

Since SPRING CHICKEN 1 started asserting herself, she noticed the hens becoming friendly with her. Now, the Senior Hens always acknowledged her when they passed her cube. It was truly empowering. And to think, all she had to do earn this honor was treat SPRING CHICKEN 2 like crap.

That particular day, Junior Hen in Charge stopped by SPRING CHICKEN 1's desk. She was complaining about being undervalued by all the other hens and chickens in the office. She said she needed a raise. She went on and on about how she should really stick it to the hens. She kept saying she was on her way out, and they'd be so sorry. She kept squawking on and on about how everyone in the coop was a hypocrite and she hated to work among stupid hens especially when she had the qualifications to run her own coop. She said all the other hens could put up with this crap because they didn't know any better, like Junior Hen 3 who used to be a stay at home hen, but volunteered her way into the coop and just started to earn a paycheck, and new found freedom. "This is good enough for her," said Junior Hen in charge. "But not me," she said. "The hens need me more than I need them."

"How long have you worked here?" SPRING CHICKEN 1 asked her. "Oh, I've had other offers," said Junior Hen in Charge ignoring the question. "They just haven't been good enough. Besides it's convenient with the baby and all for me to work so close to home, and my husband's not working right now and we need the paycheck and benefits, so I can't just up and quit, you know?" Junior Hen in Charge was in the coop the longest. If she was so unhappy, she could quit. Spring Chicken 1 knew that Junior Hen in Charge was going to be in the coop for life. Then Junior Hen in Charge went on a verbal rampage about every single hen in her hentourage. These were her best friends. She had lunch with them every day.

Junior Hen 3 approached her cube when she saw Junior Hen 1 standing there, and immediately Junior Hen 1 changed the subject.

"What are you doing for lunch today?" asked Junior Hen 1.

"Lunch today?" asked Junior Hen Three, looking back and forth between Junior Hen in Charge and Spring Chicken 1 with a bewildered look on her face. She barely spoke above a whisper. It wasn't clear whether or not it was an invitation or a statement. She didn't specify a time either. Spring Chicken 1 read between the lines. It was clear that Junior Hen 3 did not want Spring Chicken 1 to eat lunch with them.

Spring Chicken 1 nodded-unsure what else to say, and Junior Hen 1 walked away.

In the meantime, Spring Chicken 2 was in her office primping and prodding before the mirror. In between the primping and prodding, she was preparing her presentation to be delivered in approximately 1 hour. Senior, junior and Deputy Hens passed by with packages under their arms, but halted and reversed course when they noticed she was in her office.

"I'm sorry I asked you to stay past quitting time yesterday," said Spring Chicken 2 approaching Spring Chicken 1's cube. "You were right to refuse. It's just that I'm on my own here. I just found out from Senior Hen that it's Junior Hen's job to prep the conference room. I had no idea, so I've been doing all this work myself. I've been overwhelmed and I'm sorry I took it out on you."

Spring Chicken 1 shook her head back and forth and smiled. The hens were unbelievable.

Spring Chicken 1 completely forgot about the lunch "invitation," until she saw Junior Hen in Charge walk past her desk with Junior Hens 2, 3 and 4 skulking closely behind.

It was for the better, thought Spring Chicken1. Her experiences over the last couple of days were proof that she was better off without the hens. They were a sorry bunch of idiots no better than the Senior Hens they complained about. What Spring Chicken 1 couldn't understand was why they kept inviting her to lunch if they didn't really want her to come along. She didn't understand why any of them hung out with each other when it was clear that they didn't really like each other. She immediately thought about Spring Chicken 2 and her microwave, and how she went out of her way to please the other hens in the coop trying her best to get them to like her. They would never like her and there wasn't a thing she could do about it.

The hens were who they were. They would use her for what they needed, like the presentation, and the microwave, but other than that, they had no use for her. Just like the junior hens had no use for Spring Chicken 1.

Spring Chicken 1 was feeling a little hungry so she decided to go downstairs to the Metro Café where she was sure that the hens were devouring their stakes and diet sodas. While waiting for the elevator, she bumped into all four of them. They looked guilty and avoided eye-contact.

"Where were you?" Junior Hen 2 asked nervously. "I was looking for you."

"You were?" Spring Chicken 1 played along. There were obviously plans that Spring Chicken 1 was kept out of deliberately because Junior Hen 2 wasn't even around during the initial invite.

"I was looking for you," she went on, while all the other hens scampered off leaving her to defend them all by her self.

"You weren't looking hard enough," Spring Chicken 1 said cheerfully. "I was at the end of the hall. I saw you guys leaving." She wanted to let them know that she didn't need them to have lunch with her. She was quite fine on her own. She didn't need a bunch of squawking, petty hens to validate her. She knew who she was, and for them to make such a big deal about not including her, meant that they envied her. Why else would they go out of their way to avoid her? Junior Hen 2 was speechless. The look on her face was priceless. But Spring Chicken 1 was annoyed. This unnecessary chit chat was a waste of time.

"Run along now chicken-head go stuff your neck up the hens' asses," she wanted to tell her. "I don't need any of you to validate me." But she said nothing, and smiled a knowing smile instead. Feeling quite pleased with herself, she went along to get her lunch.

A few months later, two new spring chickens were hired. They were young and attractive and vibrant. In fact, they reminded Spring Chicken1 of herself and Spring Chicken 2 when they too were Spring Chickens. The chickadees immediately flocked to Spring Chicken 2 because of her hen status. The chickadees were the newest Spring Chickens to the Zoo. A couple of times Spring Chicken 2 and the chickadees invited Spring Chicken 1 to lunch, but she declined, preferring to eat alone at her cube. She didn't quite trust the chickadees. Besides, if the chickadees wanted her to come, they would have invited her, or included her in their plans. They were always passing her desk and asking Spring Chicken 2 whether or not they should save her a spot at Spin class, or to sample the new salad bar down the street without including Spring Chicken 1. Yet, they surely knew who Spring Chicken 1 was when they had work for her to do.

"You should hang out with us sometime," said Spring Chicken 2 as casually as she threw off her pink pashmina (which, incidentally, clashed with her outfit).

"They're like us," said Spring Chicken 2. They're new around here and they have the same issues we do. You know with the hens acting all cold and stuff."

"I wouldn't know," scoffed Spring Chicken 1. "They don't talk to me." She was distrustful of the chickadees. They were acting like they owned the coop and she resented the fact that somehow she wasn't cool enough to be invited to eat with them. *********************************************************************

"Spring Chicken 2 has a lot of nerve," said Chickadee 1 to Spring Chicken 1 during an after-work cocktail party. Junior Hen in Charge was finally fleeing the coop, so they were celebrating at the Cock and Bull, an exclusive hen hang out. All the hens said nice things about Junior Hen in Charge, and how sad they would be to see her go-they even pitched in and bought her a beautiful cashmere scarf, yet Spring Chicken 1 overheard Junior Hen in Charge telling the other junior hens that she couldn't wait to finally get some peace and quiet when Junior Hen in Charge was gone. That was the real reason for the celebration. All the hens showed up and enjoyed an all you can eat buffet and an open bar.

After a few Manhattans specially made with Maker's Mark, Spring Chicken1 began to lighten up.

"What are you talking about?" Spring Chicken 1 asked, gulping down her second Manhattan.

"Haven't you noticed we stopped hanging out with her? She's so full of shit. All the stuff she told us to do was wrong, said Chickadee 1. She screwed up all the reports she dumped on us. She acts like she knows what she's doing but she doesn't. We noticed that she's just lazy and she passes her work onto you."

"Ahh hell," thought Spring Chicken 1. "Here we go again."

"Look, I know what I'm doing with her. Don't you worry about it. I'm not as dumb as I may look."

"None of the hens like her," Chickadee 2 said in her annoying squeaky voice. "She's using you-look we-"

"You like me and you got my back," Spring Chicken 1 finished. She had heard it all before.

"Exactly," chirped the chickadees in unison.

At that moment, Spring Chicken 2 approached Spring Chicken 1 and the Chickadees. The Chickadees walked away. Spring Chicken 2 didn't notice or didn't seem to care and continued to talk about what she was buying Ginger, her Yorkshire terrier for her birthday.

Spring Chicken 1 felt her cheeks begin to burn as she thought about the fact that Spring Chicken 2 really didn't do her own work. She did talk too much and she did think she knew everything. It annoyed Spring Chicken 1 that Spring Chicken 2 couldn't tell when people didn't like her. Her desire to please and fit in was unbearable to witness.

Spring Chicken 2 was still talking about her terrier oblivious to the fact that Spring Chicken 1 was no longer paying attention. In fact, she was growing angrier by the minute. Spring Chicken 1 was stuck here talking to her, while everybody else formed their own circles and turned their backs on her. None of the hens, chickens or chickadees gave a damn about Spring Chicken 1. They were all using her. She was the buffer. Nobody cared what she thought, or if she had feelings. She was just there as the go between. She looked around the room and noticed Junior Hen laughing and talking with her 'hentourage', as though she had not bitched and complained to Spring Chicken 1 about each and every one of them. Spring Chicken 2 finally got the hint that Spring Chicken was not interested in what she had to say and moved on to the Senior Hens, who turned their backs on her too. They had been using her microwave all week long but were now blatantly ignoring her. What a bunch of hypocrites.

Spring Chicken 1 ordered another Manhattan. She took two big swigs and surveyed the scene. She noticed the hens, chickens and chickadees clicking and clucking in their cliques as though they had never said a bad word about one another. They were all so phony. She couldn't take it anymore. Something had to be said.

" HEY!" Spring Chicken 1 yelled to nobody in particular as she climbed on top of the bar. "Everyone is full of shit!" She pointed her fingers out accusingly into the crowd. "I see through each and every one of you!"

Junior Hen 4 ran over to the bar and pleaded for her to come down.

"Get away from me," she hissed. "By the way," she leaned down to whisper, "You should ask Weight Watchers for your money back." Junior Hen 4 recoiled in horror, while all the hens smirked.

"What the hell is so damn funny? You're all a bunch of fat, useless hens. Spring Chicken 2's office stinks because of all of you heating up your smelly lunches without consideration for what some of our beaks may be going through. I'm sick and tired of smelling that crap. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Using her shit and you don't even want to talk to the girl. She may be a ditz, and she may be lazy, but at least she ain't phony..."

The hens couldn't contain themselves. They were being embarrassed by a chicken! They clucked and clucked, slapping each other on the back at this surprise roast held in their honor. They started clapping and hollering until Senior Hen pulled Spring Chicken1 down from the bar and plopped her back onto the bar stool where she passed out.

The events of the previous night were a blur to Spring Chicken 1, but ever since her outburst things were quite different at the Zoo. Spring Chicken 2removed the fridge and microwave from her office. The other hens, chicks and chickadees completely ignored her now that she had no microwave. She ignored them too.

However, the hens, chickens and chickadees never passed Spring Chicken 1's cubicle without saying hello, or greeting her with warm smiles.

Today, at lunch the Junior Hens approached Spring Chicken 1's cube. Junior Hen 2, next in line to head the group-was just about to invite her to lunch when Senior Hen swooped in and asked her to eat with the Senior Hens in the conference room. Spring Chicken 1 thought about it for a minute. She looked into the wrinkled and unhappy faces of the chickens and hens. Their faces were creased with jealousy, hypocrisy and unhappiness. She thought about it and thought about it. She didn't answer them. Instead, Spring Chicken 1 just ignored those old hens and chickens and continued typing her memo. Eventually, they'd figure it out.