There is Consistency in Family Traditions

Each family has a set of implicit rules that governs its members' behavior and attitudes. These rules are largely unconscious - that is, most family members aren't very aware of what they are or how they work.

Family rules govern those things in life that we celebrate as well as those that we feel bad about, hide from view, feel guilty about or ashamed of. These spoken and unspoken rules are an important part of the way adults pass on to their children important values and principles for living. Family rules cover such areas as religion, work, play, sex, morals, money, use of alcohol, and the expression of feelings, physical touch, relationships between men and women and attitudes toward men and women and male female roles.

It is no surprise that children are profoundly affected by the unconscious rules that govern their families. What is not so widely recognized is that adults continue to be profoundly affected and strongly influenced by the rules they grew up with. The lingering influence of our family's rules goes far beyond what we are consciously aware of.

Consistency in parenting means that the rules are clearly spelled out and don't change from day to day, the way they often do in dysfunctional families. Consistency provides your child with emotional security. When your household rules and guidelines change from day to day, depending on your mood at the moment, your children will feel insecure. They will eventually ignore you and follow their own direction.

The goal is to provide your child with a firm, reliable set of rules and expectations. These rules should be reasonable, clearly explained and consistently applied. This creates a solid moral foundation for your child's emotional development. This firm, consistent style of parenting can easily be filled with warmth, affection, emotional honesty, playfulness and responsibility; it is neither permissive nor indulgent.

Some adults, for example, may make a rational and responsible choice to change from the religious denomination of their parents to another, departing from the faith community of their childhood. Surprisingly, this conscientious choice may be followed by confusing and irrational feelings of guilt. Why? Because their family had a rule about religion that maintained it was wrong and unacceptable to change faith communities. Even for a thoughtful, independent, mature adult, the family rule concerning religion can be as strong - and, in some cases, stronger - than adult reason. Such can be the power of family rules