There is No Such Thing as Cheating

On Friday, I read a very interesting article in Philadelphia's Metro, a free, daily newspaper that distributes in Philadelphia, Boston and New York. I cannot recall the specific title of the article, but it had to do with a chemical imbalance, a higher level of oestradiol, in beautiful women that makes them prone to cheating more. In brief, an Australian sexologist, Dr. Frances Quirk first tested the oestradiol in 25 random college students. Second, he had his staff rate the women on who were the most attractive. His results showed that the women his staff deemed most attractive had higher levels of oestradiol. Dr. Frances then took those women and asked them if they were satisfied with their current lovers or boyfriends and more than half said no.

Dr. Frances suggests that cheating has something to do with a chemical imbalance but I strongly disagree. I think the problem is that we, society, look for something to blame our "flaws" on, especially when it comes to sex and cheating. It is easy to blame the fact that we cheat because of a chemical imbalance; very simple to blame the reason why we lust on what we view in the media or in print. But let's be honest, we cheat because we cannot help it. There are too many factors that contribute to our emptiness with our jobs, latest gadgets and ultimately our so-called love life. Here are a few of those factors:

1. There are many reasons why we cheat but there is one main reason and that reason is that humans are never satisfied. We are born; raised and live in a system that is structured to make us want more. The Wright brothers invented the airplane to fly around the earth but we weren't satisfied, so we invented space shuttles to leave the earth. In World War II we invented the atomic bomb and now in 2009 we are equipped with nuclear bombs. How about Senator McCain and his wife who own seven homes, SEVEN! Why? Well, what about the rappers who make songs about getting more money and cars and women? Have you heard that song by Busta Rhymes called "Arab Money"? Lastly Americans spend upwards of $300 to $400 on a new cell phone every year to get the newest one because we no longer satisfied with what we currently have. The same holds true with relationships and cheating, we are and will never be satisfied. To fully understand this, one would have to realize that it is humanly impossible to satisfy a companion 100%. So with that said, one or both, will have a void that they will forever want to fill. Regardless of if you want to admit it or not it is there. Evidence of this is can be found in a simple question. Ask your boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife what celebrity or famous figure, if given the chance, would he or she go out on date with? Then ask why? The reasons may vary but the most common one will remain, the individual your spouse or companion chose posses something you don't. Case in point, your spouse/companion is not 100% satisfied with you. And if your boyfriend/girlfriend or wife/husband says that you are all they need, he or she is telling you a lie!

2.

The concept of monogamy is not realistic because, just like everything else in life, we are constantly searching for something more, something better. The individuals we choose to engage in monogamous relationships with are what we are searching for at that moment but there is one problem. Change is constant and nothing in the physical stays the same forever. Our environment changes, our lifestyles change, views on people change just about everything goes through some form of change. More importantly, people grow apart over time that is just the way it is. Try talking to a married couple and they'd tell you that marriage is hard work. That is because the concept of marriage is not realistic and the only way for it to work, temporarily, is to fight against all things that are natural and force yourself to submit to what religion and society tells you is right. What we don't realize is that there is no such thing as right and wrong, it doesn't exist. Everything is everything.

3. Attraction is like any other feeling we have; its natural and it can't be controlled, only suppressed. Attraction is what draws our bodies to one another and we are designed to listen to our bodies. Don't mistake this for saying that everyone you are attracted to you is supposed to have sex with, I am not saying that. What I am saying is that your body is telling you who it wants to be with, around or whatever the case may be. The only time we really cheat is when we cheat on ourselves by fighting against our natural feelings by devoting ourselves to one person. That is extremely hard to do because eventually we all come across someone that is seemingly better looking, smarter, someone that has more sex appeal, someone we are more compatible with or whatever the case is. If we were meant to spend an eternity with just one person then we would never be attracted to another person while we are in a relationship. But the fact is that we can't turn off our attraction no more than we can turn off our emotions, fears or personalities.

The whole idea of cheating is flawed in every way possible because we have no control over how we feel. Some people will say that you lack in control over yourself but that is not true. Some people will retreat to religion to "prove" a point but all that shows me is that person follows someone else's' ideas and not his or her own. I am not suggesting that not everyone is satisfied, because genuinely some people are but that is not the majority and it has nothing to do with a chemical imbalance, it is our nature. We have been groomed to think and act a certain way our entire life. We spend our days searching for that one but the fact is there is no such thing as the one. It is called the one for right now and when you are with that one all you are doing is suppressing your natural born instincts. We think love means we must commit to that person for the rest of our life disabling us to love another at the same time. That is incorrect because the true nature of a human is to love without attachment. So don't get mad if your mate "cheats", just know that for the majority of people you will never be 100% satisfied or be able to satisfy 100%. When we choose to get married we are simply admitting defeat and living with the consequence, which is settling. We settle because we are taught to, we settle because of the fear of how we will look in the eyes of society and we submit because of our religion. Don't settle, be what you are...and what are you?