There is No Twelve Step Program for Raising Children, or Life

Our first child only cost us eight dollars, and that included the phone bill. I thought we had the whole thing licked as we smiled from ear to ear walking out of the hospital with our beautiful new baby girl.

The First Step

All of the essentials were ready and waiting for the baby. Tiny clothes and outfits had been purchased, and the room and bed were waiting along with an endless list of items which we "might" need for the child. But, there was one thing missing which we joke about now.

"You guys never came with an owner's manual you know," the children were always told. There is no twelve step program in raising a child, or experiencing life itself. If there was such a program it would probably be more like a thousand step program which would probably only cover the first year; maybe.

Endless phone calls were constantly made to both mother in-laws asking all the worrisome questions. These phone calls usually came on a daily basis. On the other end of the phone a patient reassuring voice always answered our questions in a calm matter of fact manner. We soon began to realize that our lives were no longer our own; now we were being manipulated by this tiny little being. How could this have happened? We didn't plan on this; did we?

Emotional Steps

In fact, we waited for three years after the marriage to have a child. Was this just our ego that needed this addition to the family, or was it our God given right to procreate? In the end we decided to jump in head first you could say and created our family.

Then I began to think (which is a big mistake when you have children) that when the children made it through the "terrible twos" we had just achieved a major accomplishment in life, and should receive some kind of Nobel Prize for this special achievement. But this was only the beginning, now the fun was really getting ready to start.

Three years later the second child arrived, and individual personalities were beginning to form. Now the mental game had begun, and in reality this was the game the children seemed to enjoy the most.

Stepping Alone

School was starting, and now the children no longer needed our assistance because they were grown up as they saw it. I'll never forget the look on my wife's face as she watched our daughter march off to the bus stop ready to conquer the world all by herself.

"I don't need you anymore mommy," she said when leaving for the bus stop. Those words will forever echo in our minds. A new stage in life had begun, whether we were ready for it or not. Had we prepared our child for this stage of development, and could she do all of this on her own. Thousands of questions ran through the mind as our most special creation walked off all alone to start a whole new lifestyle.

Then came puberty, and man what a lesson in life that one is. One boy and one girl, and each child with their own set of hormones flying through the air. Now is the time when patience and wisdom really come into play.

Trust in another emotion which sometimes can be ignored or misplaced when releasing your child to a very difficult and changing world. Will all of the morals and lessons that were instilled into their minds come into play, or will they soon be forgotten? Only time and you God knows the answer to this question.

Steps of Wisdom

The worst stage of adjustment for me was when my daughter found out about boys. Although she seemed to be a late bloomer in this area, she soon made up for the lost time. Now she was in love with life itself, and no one was going to tell her what to do. The school told us that this was just a faze, and "should" probably end about the ninth grade.

This stage of life finally ended around the time our daughter turned nineteen; what a relief to close that emotional door. Although one stage of life ends, that doesn't mean that it's time to sit back and relax, because the next stage in life is even more emotional than the last one; at least for me it was. Now the next stage of life is all about new beginnings: grandchildren.

As time passes you begin to think that you've experienced love in all of its emotional aspects: children and their individual stages of growth, the support of a great spouse, and also the loss of your parents, and your spouse's parents. But, get ready because this stage in life is the miracle of God. and life itself.

If you've ever wanted to see the true face of God, just look into the eyes of a newborn child. We now have three grandchildren, and this stage of life seems to be the best stage yet. Sometimes it seems that the best things in life are saved for the last; such as desserts, and grandchildren.

Final Steps

Life is all about accepting each stage of development in its own particular order. Each step you take prepares for the next step in the never-ending staircase of life. We're all spiritually connected in these stages of life whether you realize it or not. Everyone plays their own particular part in each stage of life, although some people are not listed in the credits.

No one is alone in this world, we all have someone diligently watching over us. When you take your last steps as you near your transition period, remember the love which was given and passed along to your children, and your children's children. These last steps are the hardest to take, because these steps must be "physically" taken alone. Now the serenity prayer seems to echo throughout my mind.

*This article is dedicated to the best form of love I've ever known: Lacey, Clayton, and our beloved grandchildren.