There Can Be Only One!!! Part 3

Luke Wilson: Hi, Like Wilson here and I'm with my friend Steve-

Bob: Actually it's Bob, Luke.

Luke: And I've asked him to send friend requests to every AT&T customer. Let's see if Steve has any replies.

Bob: It's Bob, and so far not-

(Bob's phone dings)

Bob: Oh, spoke too soon.

(It dings two more times)

Luke: Quite the popular guy.

(The phone starts to ding nonstop, it vibrates out of control)

Bob: It wont stop! What do I do?

(Luke is already running out of the diner, he knocks over a waitress on his way out, sending plates of food everywhere. Meanwhile two booths down a physical representation of AT&T and Verizon are having brunch.)

AT&T: See? Our phones are better!

Verizon: How so? All I got was that AT&T customers are desperate for friends and will accept any random stranger's friend request.

AT&T: So?

Verizon: Not only is it insulting to your customers, its also hurting your profits. Do you really think it's a good idea to rely on these type of people for business? If they have no friends as it is who would they call with your phone?

Bob: Wait, Hold the Phone! You can make calls on these things? (holds up an iphone)

Verizon: Well, technically you are able to make phone calls but seeing how your carrier is AT&T, there is a slim chance that you will actually be able to make one successfully.

Bob: Meh, that's ok, I just use it for the apps. They're so cool! There's an app that makes the iphone a lightsaber, there's one where I can play flash games.. just as long as they don't rely on adobe, and there's an app for-

Verizon: But these apps are meaningless! You are paying for a product that you will never truly need.

AT&T: Actually, that's not our fault. Apple has attempted a few coups on our headquarters and is forcing us to sell their phones.

Verizon: Really? So is there any truth to the rumors that you two are going to merge?

AT&T: Ho, ho! Of course not!

Verizon: Oh thank God.

AT&T: It's more of a hostile takeover.

Verizon: ...

AT&T: They have guns.

Verizon: I know what a hostile takeover entails. Can you do anything?

AT&T: Well, the only thing we can do is make it look as if our company is undesirable and will actually cost them more than it's worth.

Verizon: That shouldn't be too hard.

AT&T: I know right?

(Suddenly a man in a trenchcoat wearing a black turtleneck jumps on the table on the other side of the diner, he is wielding a large gun with an apple logo on the side)

Turtleneck: ALRIGHT. NOBODY MOVE!

AT&T: Uh oh

Verizon: Why does that man look familiar?

(Suddenly three more men in turtlenecks burst through windows and doors and rush into the room. All have guns with the Apple Logo)

Turtleneck: This chain of Diners now belongs to Apple Computer, Inc! All hail the mighty Mac!

Turtleneck drones: All hail Mighty Mac!

Verizon: Is that Ste-

AT&T: Hush! He'll hear you! (ducks down under the table)

Turtleneck: Now, according to my tracker app. The spy that has been stealing our plans for decades is in this very room! I want everyone's full cooperation on this.

Verizon: What does he look like?

Turtleneck: Sort of a nerdish looking fellow. Wears hideous sweaters and glasses. Beady little eyes. Responds to Bill, Microboy, Mr. Gates-

(Suddenly a nerdish looking fellow in the corner of the room that has been taking notes this entire time throws down a smoke grenade and bursts out of the window. We can hear a car peel out a few seconds later and drive away)

Turtleneck: Blast it all! We were so close! After him boys!

(The turtlenecked gang rushes out of the room. The diner returns to normal)

Verizon: You can get out now.

AT&T: I'd rather not.