They Should Make the Reality Show Big Brother into a Movie

For the first couple of years, I wouldn't watch this show, this "Big Brother". My wife would shut the bedroom door and indulge herself in this guilty pleasure on the smaller TV, while I watched more important programs, like reruns of "Fantasy Island", or "Happy Days" in the living room, remembering fondly when I had happier days, before reality tv dropped in after supper and decided to stay.

Ok, they aren't that bad, are they really? I mean, what harm can these reality shows really do? My brain is already homogenized from all the other mindless clutter I watched when I was younger. I am near sighted to a fault from sitting with my nose about six inches from an old black and white television screen through grade school.

We are deep into the "Big Brother 8" season now. Viewers tune in by the millions. Live video feeds throughout the Big Brother house. The players can't even whisper without the microphones picking it up. No secrets, everything revealed. Even the bathrooms at the Big Brother house are wired solid. The houseguests worry about irritable bowel syndrome and what America might say. But, whatta ya gonna do? The game must go on.

It's game time three nights a week and I won't miss even five minutes of "Big Brother". Not now. Not after last season. I think Dr. Will and Mike Boogie are still household names. What game play! What tenacity! I truly believe we haven't seen the last of these two magpies that kept us going, last season. I keep waiting for them to make some kind of guest appearance, then never leave the house. Maybe give Dick something to really bitch about. I would pay good money to see that.

Now my wife has to shut me up, because I'm talking to the houseguests like they're right in front of me, right in the living room. In a way, they are. We got this big, flat screen Sony in high def, and after a few beers, it can be hard to tell, if it's live, or if it's Memorex? It's a compelling hour, that's for sure.

At first, I felt sorry for old Dick. Alienated from his daughter, a burned out Keith Richards wanna be. I mean, I really thought the other houseguests treated him like he had some social disease. Even his daughter seemed to want to get away from him. Jen certainly wanted no part of his space.

Poor Dick. Well, that lasted for a short time, huh? I mean, look at him now. Just check him out! Dick's the man! He's got this whole house thing down. Everyone is either in his worn out back pocket, or on his hit list, and Dick knows how to hit and keep on hitting; even when the hittie is so emotionally fried over his verbal abuse, Dick just keeps on a coming.

You never know what will happen next though. Next week, Dick could be gone. I doubt it, but it is possible. If someone doesn't give him his meds back soon, maybe the shows producers will rip him right out of this game pretty soon. Anything is possible on "Big Brother 8".

One thing is for sure. There is more drama than you can find on any daytime soap. I haven't seen so many tears shed in the guesthouse since last year. I guess that's not saying much, but every week we can count on Amber to break down over something real heavy, and that's a fact.

Then there's Eric, America's player. The ringer. Eric is on top of it. He's our man in Havana. I wonder who he's really playing for though. I think it would be a hell of a thing if Eric won this game. What would America have to say about that? Would the show give him the prize money, and if they did, would he have to give it back to the show? I'm pulling for Eric! And, oh yeah, isn't he being paid by "Big Brother 8" to be our player? If he won, would that be akin to one of the cameramen winning? It's a tantalizing theory.

Well, I threw my scruples out the window last year, I don't think I will get them back anytime soon. I want, "Big Brother, The Movie" to go into production, ready for a release by February. Nothing much happens that's exciting in February, except Valentines Day, and then that's gone way too soon. It's always nice to have something to look forward to.

I sent off an email to CBS covering this whole "Big Brother, The Movie" idea. I hope they get back to me soon. Maybe I'll even get invited to the production set to actually see reality as it's being made. That would be like, umm.. well, it would be pretty neat.

In the movie version of Big Brother, they could bring back some seasoned players, along with some big stars, like Scott Baio, Marsha Brady from the old "Brady Bunch" and some players from old seasons of MTV's "Real World". I'm pulling for them to get Trishelle, from "The Real World, Vegas".

Of course the rules would have to change. For one, the movie would be made for TV. Also, "Big Brother, The Movie", would never really end. The houseguests would simply revolve, not evolve. Kick off the movie with twelve players. As soon as it gets whittled down to four or five players left, start bringing in a few more new players. Talk about game! What a movie it would be.

"Big Brother, The Movie", would be reality show gone bad. But, isn't that what reality TV is to begin with? Well, it would just get worse. The producers would save some money, because no one would ever win. Isn't that good incentive? I can't wait for CBS to get back to me on this.