Things All Parent's Should Know About College Sororities

I was a bubbling sophomore at a small unknown university by the name of California State University - -, located California. I wasn't always a lover of school, but I did earn the grades to go to an ivy league college. However, I decided to attend a CSU school because I really had no choice after I refused to attend the ivy leagues that I had turned down. After a while, I began to involve myself in campus life, I started to meet more and more people. I even got a job as a student assistant to help pay my expenses. I wasn't on financial aid and had to pay my tuition, so the job was helpful.

At first, everything and everyone seemed wonderful. Life was amazing. I began to date, was asked out by the president of a business org. on campus and was even noticed as a 'prospect' for a particular sorority by the name of phi- sigma-sigma.

It soon became very exciting and very fun-before I realized what I had gotten myself into. Every night, it seemed as if I was always going to some campus social or event and they didn't care if attending their functions, meant neglecting my homework.

I later discovered that many student in this sorority were struggling academically and that drinking and partying was more important then their so-called morals and grades. The majority of the girls barely had a 2.7 GPA! That wasn't me either. I couldn't and would not risk my grades. my GPA was a 3.6 out of a 4.0, which was pretty good considering that I had 6-7 classes combined with labs and I worked 20 hours plus a week.

I was beginning to fit in with the 'in crowd,' which was a extremely odd and unlike me, being that I didn't drink, I was mostly a shy introvert and absorbed in the world of academia. I was a bookworm, geek, nerd or whatever you want to call it! That was me! Things seemed to be perfect in the romance world too.

I was initially invited to join phi-sigma-sigma of CSU, by a fellow worker. At first, she seemed nice, almost too nice. When I had shown interest in phi-sigma-sigma, the co-worker's sorority, that is when she begin to treat me a bit nicer. She shared with me, talked to me about things and began to act as though she was a friend.

I had split with my boyfriend after I had found out that he had cheated while he was attending a National Hispanic Student Business Association conference in Chicago. Actually, I had discovered that he had cheated previously with a rival sorority of phi sigma sigma.

I also found out that he had been stealing test from his business department for two years, after his roommate had went to the dean of the business department and told on him. I was disgusted about this as well. The roommate ratted him out because he had discovered that my ex-boyfriend had been over charging him rent, and he was paying the highest proportion. To be exact, the rent was $2200, and my ex was making him pay at least $750 and there were 6 people living in the house. The roommate convinced my ex-boyfriend that it was me who told the dean of business that they were stealing test. Fact is, I didn't know about it at all and I was so upset to find this out.

I had no idea that any such hideous things were going on until I was called in and questioned. If I had honestly had any idea that my ex had done this, I would've told myself for sure!

In the midst of all of this, this is when I began to become a prospect of the sorority phi-sigma-sigma! These girls made me think that they 'really cared' and really wanted me to be a part of their little family and sisterhood! So I was invited to functions little by little and after going to three events, I was asked to 'pledge.' At the time, I thought that they were all wholesome, loving, pure, did not discriminate and totally supportive. I soon learned that those qualities were all conditional.

When I was invited to pledge by the J-Board, that is when I decided to pledge because I was told that it was optional and that we had a choice to opt out if we didn't want to join. This made it easier for me to say, 'yes.' The word 'optional' in this case was suppose to mean that we have a freedom to walk away, without fearing any retaliation or hazing of any sort. As a matter of fact, they had the audacity to say that they did not permit hazing in any way, form or fashion and that if any new pledges felt any pressure that we were free to leave! I believed them because they had been so loving and so positive. They seemed like the most wonderful people in the world.

I was apprehensive in a way because I was afraid that they're 3 hour meetings, and other events would interfere with my homework and assignments. My heart wasn't totally in this. I was strictly about going to class, getting A's on nearly everything, my job and family life. I wasn't an introvert either because I did get out and have fun. I just wasn't the type who hung out with large groups of girls because to me, that only equaled trouble.

So the night of the pledging ceremony came and we were told what to wear, what color our clothes should be, what under garments to wear, to wear close toe shoes, and given a future dress code! As I stood there listening to all of this, 30 minutes before we were sworn in under candle light, prayers, songs, and chants, that is when I totally felt a bit odd. It actually freaked me out.

By now my ex had figured that I was pledging because he had seen me on Wednesday nights, attending the socials. During one event, he slyly walked in after a sisterhood meeting, where no men are allowed and proceeded to discuss me with the Judiciary Board of Phi-sigma-sigma at my CSU! I found out about his stunt to smear my name the very next day, when one of the sisters called me and said that they were concerned that I may bring possible drama into the org because of what my boyfriend has told them. I then told the sister that had called me that my ex was angry because his roommate reported him for stealing test from the business department of our school, which he had been doing for two years working as student aids in the office of the business dean of the college. I also informed the sister that the school and dean of the business department was now watching him. What's even more disturbing is how everyone thought that my ex was such a stellar student because he always partied, missed class and aced test! To be honest, I was even a bit suspicious and confused as to how he never did homework, never attended classes, did not work on his assignments and still aced his test!?! i was an A student too, but I was always spending hours studying and buried in the books. I never missed class either. To be exact, my ex was a drunk and only cared about attending LSBA parties, and parties of surrounding universities.

I was blunt with the sisters and I told them that he felt that I had told the business dean about his test scandal, when in fact, it was his angry roommate. Two semesters later, the test stealing scandal had resurfaced and that is when I heard one of the LSBA ( Latino Student Business Association of the CSU I attended) students say, "Oh, everyone knows about the test and has the hook-up. Everyone can get the test because 'we' watch out for each other. It's not hard. I was in shock that they were so brazen about saying this."

My ex did not cease his harassment. He began to tell everyone that I was crazy, suicidal and that I used drugs for revenge. He was relentless too. A fellow ASI member who was also a mutual friend of me and my ex, came to me and asked me if I was using drugs or something because of what my ex had told him. Truth is, I had never used drugs, never thought of it, and I didn't even drink. My ex was so rotten and bitter, he was seeking revenge in any way that he could because he was in trouble for the test scandal. He spent a good majority of his time on campus harassing me, along with his LSBA guy friends. It got to the point where I had to make several complaints to our university's police about him and his LSBA idiots. I was even being harassed by other females in LSBA that he started to rotate and date.

After this had happened, I became even more apprehensive. I started to see the girls in the sorority, who claimed to be so 'pure and loving', hang around my ex more and more in our universities dinning halls and bar. They even started to go on trips with him to Rosarito and even camping trips. I was upset and disgusted because they knew that he stole test. They knew that he was spreading rumors about me too. It was in the open and how can someone claim to be so pure and morally just, associate with someone like my ex? Furthermore, they the J-Board had always told us that we should never drink while wearing our letters or behave in any disgraceful or "un-lady like behavior." They proudly posed while toasting drinks and girls of Phi-sig were spotted in several photos doing the very things that they told us we could be punished for! You can also find photos of these girls on their facebook profiles and on myspace of themselves, drinking in their letters and wearing their triangular pins! Very hypocritical, don't you think?

They also started to go to parties with my ex and even co-host events with his organization. Some of the sister who did not talk to me ex for other personal reason, told me that i should ignore him and still join-regardless. They even expected me to attend the co-hosted events with LSBA. Some of the girls that did hang out with my ex, would say superficial and phony things to me like, "Oh ignore him, he's not a phi-sig, you are," but take photos of themselves having drinking contest with him as they guzzled down bottles of vodka or beer from a bong and hose while wearing their Greek letters. I actually refused to attend the co-hosted events that involved alcohol and my ex's org, which was the LSBA. The sister were a little irritated that I always missed their events and refused to go. I felt that I was too good of a person to attend events like that.

I'd also see and hear the girls back-stab their own sisters, say evil and malicious things about each other; and then when they would see each other, at meetings and events, they'd give out hugs and kisses on the cheek like they were so wholesome and loving !! So fake and pretentious.

After 3 weeks it became so obvious that he had done serious damage to my reputation. The girls in the sorority started to shun me and treat me like I was an outsider, discuss me with my ex openly, and sneer at me when I walked by, but still requested $80.00 for the stupid little triangular, navy blue, 14 kt gold fill pharaoh pin. By now, it was so hard to walk around campus. I began to hate work and school. my grades were even affected, which was traumatic for me. After eight miserable days of wearing the stupids pin, nearly shy of two weeks, I gave the pin back! I was free now and I felt good! I wanted to disassociate myself from Phi-sigma-sigma. I actually hate the colors blue and gold... That's how bad it was.

As I began to feel more and more apprehensive about joining foe good. I called the headquarters for advice 2 days after I had pledged. I had also talked to them exactly three days prior to quitting, when I began to feel even more apprehensive about joining because of my boyfriend's behavior and how I was being treated by the other girls. I was a little peeved because I had initially paid the $80.00 for the acceptance pin and they expected an additional $480.00 for the final semester for the final initiation ceremony, before things REALLY got out of hand. To be honest, I think that they only wanted my money and didn't really care about me, or what I was going through with my ex-boyfriend and anything else except the money!

One week later, after I had made it clear that I had left the sorority, I received a call from the sorority's bursar, who is like the accountant and or treasurer on the J-Board. She left a message on my phone stating that I had to pay the final fee, regardless of the fact that I had withdrawn my initiation and pledge to phi-sigma-sigma. She called me a total of 8 times, and left messages on my voice mail, telling me in a threatening manner that I still HAD to pay the $480.00 fee, even though I had opted out of my pledge 6 days after initiation. She even went as far as to lie on one of her fellow sisters, saying that they demanded that I pay the fee.

However, according to the headquarters of phi-sigma-sigma, that was located in Elkridge Maryland, this was not the case. I had checked with them before I had went to the initial pledge meeting. They sent me an e-mail informing me of my rights.

After talking to the director of our chapter, she had told me that I would not owe anything in the event that I did not join. They reassured me that I was totally free and that I would not be retaliated against for changing my mind about joining. She also reassured me that if anything did happen that made me feel awkward, to call her right away. Little did the bursar who was calling me know that I was days ahead of her. After seeing these girls in action, I wasn't amazed! The bursar continued to call me for 4 more days after the initial 8 days. She then had the nerve to threaten me and say that she would have my credit ruined, and report me to a collection's agency for not paying the pledge fee and for opting out of the sorority! Again, I was not shocked! At this point, it was getting a bit funny.

The threatening messages of the bursar began to pour in, and I saved them all. I also called the national head quarters in Elkridge, MD back. I informed them of the messages and the headquarters made a scheduled a meeting with the J-Board of Phi-Sigs of CSU- -, and flew down to the campus to meet with them the very next week! From what an insider in the sorority had told me, they had all denied any such actions. They claimed that I had lied, but the fact that I had saved the voicemails proved them to be lairs! From my understanding, the girls were placed on some type of step or punishment. I later discovered that the bursar of Phi-sigma-sigma had also badgered 3 other girls that I withdrew their pledge! We are all now friends!

The headquarters in Elkridge, MD defined their actions as hazing and harassment and I agree. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, such as slandering, phone calls, and any threats of any type is considered hazing. Hazing isn't just a physical act either. Many readers may read this and feel that my experiences were mild, compared to other incidents that occurred in the history of Greek life, but I feel that it was significant. I now hate my university and I will never return to it once I graduate next month. I also feel that this story will alert parents to negative possibilities and incidents that their children could fall victim too. I am not saying that all Greeks are like this because I have met some wonderful girls across the country who are in fact Phi-sigs. I have also met others that are in others sororities as well and they are wonderful. However, I do feel that the phi-sigmas from my campus should have been penalized and had their privileges taken away from them and the chapter should have been shut down. Many of the girls were scandalous and members of the LSBA as well.

After this event, I had nothing to do with any of the members that hazed me at my CSU. I am now a senior and I will be graduating in December 2008. To this day though, members will spot me on campus and proceed to give me dirty looks. I don't care because half of them can't seem to get their lives in order, are struggling with graduation, still have bad grades, and have issues qualifying for financial aid because their grades are so poorly. Furthermore, half of these girls are alcoholics! I'm not just saying this, it's true. Most of these girls that did graduate have not been able to secure a job. In my opinion, many of these girls at this chapter who hazed me, always seemed to be a bit "confused or just plain stupid about life and everything except parties, putting on pounds of make-up, drinking and catching men." There are still girls that graduated 3 semester ago who have not secured employment. They still linger on campus...

How to protest your child from fraternities and sororities:

Did I tell my mother and family? Yes I did and she and my sisters are the reason that I was able to cope and get through the hell on campus.

Parents, to make sure that your college student doesn't fall victim to any of these actions, become involved in their college life if possible. For example, contact the college's ASI, Outreach for student learning. Sororities usually target freshmen because they are the easiest to befriend. Many freshmen are vulnerable and are needy to make friends, be popular and get invited to parties. Parents, warn your children. Not all sororities are bad either... I have met some really wonderful girls in many colleges. So just investigate the fraternity or sorority that your child is interested in. Become an involved sorority mother if possible and find out who the on campus and off campus adviser is!!!

Find out who the directors at the university are such as the director of student life, campus and staff psychologist, and prominent figures on campus.

Have the numbers of the campus police and connect with them to find out who oversees all campus activities and abides over campus organizations and Greeks.

Warn your child about joining orgs that have low moral, that are not academically inclined and etc.

Look into positive orgs and even encourage your college student to start their own organization on campus in order to help maintain moral and a peaceful standing on a campus. Encourage them to meet students like themselves.

Not all orgs or Greeks are the same campus to campus. Everyone's experience can and will differ. Some may not suffer any hazing or harassment at all and may be blessed to have found a decent sorority or fraternity.

For example, the experience that I had with the Phi-sigs at my university probably would not have happened at another local university such as CSU Fullerton, CSU Pomona, USC or UCLA, or CSULB.

If your child has a hobby such as art, crafting or something cool and useful, encourage them to start a group that supports their hobby.

Maintain daily and even weekly contact with your child and this can be done through e-mails, phone calls or whatever.

Make sure that your college student has their priorities grounded. For example, remind your child that you expect to hear from them, that you expect them to do well in their courses and that you will require proof. Also emphasize that you would prefer that they not go to parties where there is a lot of alcohol or drugs.

Be aware of the reputations of the sororities that your college student is interesting in pledging. Ask your children who these sororities or fraternities are and collect information.

What is Hazing?

Some Examples:

• Deception
• Assigning demerits
• Silence periods with implied threats for violation
• Deprivation of privileges granted to other members
• Requiring new members/rookies to perform duties not assigned to other members
• Socially isolating new members/rookies
• Line-ups and Drills/Tests on meaningless information
• Name calling
• Requiring new members/rookies to refer to other members with titles (e.g. "Mr.," "Miss") while they are identified with demeaning terms
• Expecting certain items to always be in one's possession

  B.HARASSMENT HAZING: Behaviors that cause emotional anguish or physical discomfort in order to feel like part of the group. Harassment hazing confuses, frustrates, and causes undue stress for new members/rookies. (Some types of harassment hazing can also be considered violent hazing).

  Some Examples:

  • Verbal abuse
  • Threats or implied threats
  • Asking new members to wear embarrassing or humiliating attire
  • Stunt or skit nights with degrading, crude, or humiliating acts
  • Expecting new members/rookies to perform personal service to other members such as carrying books, errands, cooking, cleaning etc
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sexual simulations
  • Expecting new members/rookies to be deprived of maintaining a normal schedule of bodily cleanliness.
  • Be expected to harass others

    C.VIOLENT HAZING : Behaviors that have the potential to cause physical and/or emotional, or psychological harm.

    Some Examples:

    • Forced or coerced alcohol or other drug consumption
    • Beating, paddling, or other forms of assault
    • Branding
    • Forced or coerced ingestion of vile substances or concoctions
    • Burning
    • Water intoxication
    • Expecting abuse or mistreatment of animals
    • Public nudity
    • Expecting illegal activity
    • Bondage
    • Abductions/kidnaps
    • Exposure to cold weather or extreme heat without appropriate protection

      Some my read this and think that this is mild, or not worth publishing or writing about, which may be true for some, but I wanted others to know about this. It's not mild and it can cause stress that can affect one's grades and peace of mind. This is especially true of the student is away from home that have no real support system! Would you want this to happen to your child? We must end this type of behavior. Some may have heard about other extreme cases, which I have also heard of, but it should not happen.